To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

I'm not going to rehash 20 pages in one comment so you can fail to see it all a second time. It's not my job to entertain passing men on the street and it's not my job to waste my time and energy on men online either. If you were actually interested in women's perspectives, you wouldn't join MN purely so you can ignore them.

@ThatCyanCat It's not my job to entertain passing men on the street and it's not my job to waste my time and energy on men online either. If you were actually interested in women's perspectives, you wouldn't join MN purely so you can ignore them.

I didn't say it's your job to entertain men.
I didn't say it's your job to waste time and energy on men.
I didn't say the perspectives and experiences presented on the thread aren't valid.

Someone said that men don't bother other men in public. All I did was point out that that is not correct.

Well I've only very rarely been spoken to by other men in public; and then it has invariably been the case that they were either drunk, psychotic or actively trying to pick a fight.

Edit; the point being that women suffer this frequently, rather than rarely.

Men tell other men to cheer up love? They tell them to smile? men cat call other men?

men may well talk shit to each other. This thread is about what they say to women. They say things to women that don’t say to men.

When my dd was a baby she would tolerate her pram for a short amount of time before kicking off and only calming down when I had to put her in a sling. I would therefore often go out with both the pram and sling. One day I was carrying her in a sling and pushing the pram when a random man took it upon himself to comment on this saying something along the lines of "wouldn't the baby be better in the pram rather than you having to carry her". Wow why didnt I think of that? What an idiot. I just looked at him and walked off.

I agree, it is quite funny

I dunno, i often compliment my male friends on having nice tits

The point is you wouldn't say it to a random male stranger. What you say to your friends is neither here nor there.

😂

I'm quite enjoying the vision of random blokes yelling at assorted male strangers: Gizza smile, love; Nice arse, I'll have a handful; Oy, fatty, cover that up; Show us yer tits, love; Phwoar, wouldn't mind a go on that; Left a bit, right a bit, no left again, now back it in gently, straighten up, easy does it, yes, well done; Bloody men drivers, haven't got a clue what you're doing; Out of my way you stupid cunt; Having a bit of trouble with that are you love; Don't mind me, I'm just enjoying the view while you bend over; Pick that up, clumsy bitch; You're sexy in school uniform, you'll be sexier with it off; Not too young for a bit of how's-yer-father; Hey nurse, I need some intimate care ...

... All while going "Har, har, har" and expecting the male objects to grin with delight at being given attention. Gratitude, even. Wonder how that'd work out for them?

You are so right! I have just been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease after struggling to get tests and a diagnosis for six years. My doctor wrote to an endocrinologist for advice after my abnormal test results and his reply began "Nothing to see here"! And he told off my doctor for arranging the tests for me. Arrogant twat.

Thats appalling! I’m so sorry. In my experience rather a lot have a staggering superiority complex. I met 2 consultants in a social setting and I was absolutely horrified at their behaviour. Seeing my elderly father through rather a lot medically has opened my eyes right up to the disrespect some of these hold for patients. Sad for all the great Drs having to work around these individuals. Hoping you have the right people to help you now.

😂

What a scum-bag.

My 9yo was pushing our trolley in Aldi recently when an old man said to her, “look out! Woman driver!”
Without thinking, I responded, “sexiest much?”

Sure, I guess he thought he was being funny and/or cute, but I’m just done with such normalised and casual misogyny. Reinforcing to my girls that this shit is unacceptable is more important than some random bloke’s feelings.

This is disgusting. I’m so sorry. Just awful.

I was stood at a bus stop outside a school many years ago, heavily pregnant, when some random drove past and screamed “whore!” at me. Delightful.

The last man who said something stupid to me - a couple of days ago- I just said ‘ Would you make that inane comment to a random man you didn’t know, or would worry that he’d punch your stupid face for saying it?’

Felt great. And he actually went to speak but thought better of it…

You must be a southerner with your antisocial attitude lol

I expect he thought he was being funny referencing kicking a ninja, not you. Maybe trying to lighten the mood for you if he saw you were stressed. Would'v3e been more helpful offering to help you carry it. Men sometimes try & do something they think is helpful or funny & it just doesn't land right. & the fact some are just idiots that don't think before they open their mouth.

Just menopausal and not in the fucking mood to have some rando council worker comment on my parking in my own street esp when it was perfect parking! It’s the gift of being middle aged - literally don’t give a toss anymore about being polite to misogynistic pricks.

I am probably disturbed but I quite enjoy it unless it's something really nasty. I am quick to give it back in the same vein. Sometimes it's people just lonely, trying to connect with others. Sometimes it's creeps. but there is a difference.

Totally with you on this one.

My car broke down last summer and it just so happened I'd decided to wear a nice dress that day to work as it was so hot - I ended up getting constantly shouted at out of van windows, lewd remarks and so many 'can't park there love' comments being shouted at me, one man screamed at me, I genuinely told the breakdown company there was no way I couldn't wait with my car as I felt unsafe. I was so annoyed and already upset about my car! It was so unnecessary and pointless.

The point is to stop calling it "abuse."

There is NO way that this situation could be construed as abuse. By latching onto "abuse," it just opens the door for women to perpetually see themselves as victims. If something is just rudeness, or intrusiveness, or insensitively, be accurate and call it that - don't make things worse by imagining it to be abuse.

I was not talking about just one situation. There are many stories in this thread that women have been screamed and called bitch, another where a man made rasperries and calling her a disgusting bitch, etc. That, is abuse.

Name-calling and sexual harassment are abuse. So is threatening behaviour.

Name calling, threatening behaviour, unwanted yelling =‘verbal abuse.