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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

587 replies

shutityouduffer · 27/05/2026 13:52

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 16/06/2026 21:50

SapphireSeptember · 15/06/2026 00:02

@MsAmerica As for you, I wish you nothing but warm pillows when you want a cool spot and stones in your shoes forevermore. This was a fun thread until you started derailing it chatting shite about the semantics of abuse and arguing about depression being a 'real' illness. You're either being contrary or have zero imagination or empathy.

How sad it must be to be the kind of person to wish someone eternal aggravation based on one momentary online thread - especially on a thread that solicits opinions.

TheIdlerReturns · 17/06/2026 15:19

Don't get either comment, especially the kicking one. Presumably had something to do with a Ninja. I would just ignore them. The only unsolicited comment I've had recently was from a man in Tesco who was watching me checking out a pack of mackerel. In a very friendly, awkward way (ND was coming through loud and clear), he explained in some detail how nice it was to add said mackerel to an omelette with some cheese. Best thing he'd ever tasted. I liked the comment but didn't encourage. We could have been there all day.

TheIdlerReturns · 17/06/2026 15:29

FullOfMomsense · 27/05/2026 14:51

YANBU. My ultimate pet peeve and thing I dread in public is men talking without need. They're either shouting or saying idiotic things or telling you their life story. The most annoying is when they drop hints as if they expect you to ask about them. A man at the till in the supermarket recently turned around to me and said "I bet you're wondering why I'm buying so many loaves of bread" Which I pretended I didn't hear. He then told me he buys them for a local community centre, and as if fed up of waiting for me to ask about it, he huffed and tried to get the cashier to agree how rude I was! Fuck off! I don't give a shit about your 3 loaves of bread! I'm not going to applaud you for spending £2.50 on your local community centre's bread reserves!

This made me laugh. The other thing that annoys me in public (I've seen both men and women do it) is when they start randomly humming or singing out loud, especially when it's background music in a supermarket and one of them starts bursting into song along to the music. They seem to want to advertise their presence but I just want to buy groceries.

TheIdlerReturns · 17/06/2026 15:36

ThisPinkPoet · 27/05/2026 15:05

While I do agree with a lot of the comments. I would tend to take this story of the man with the bread as a lonely person and would engage with a bit of chit chat. I often think you might be the only person they have talked to for the day/week. Maybe I'm encouraging them!

Yes to not encouraging them. I wouldn't go there. Well, he can't be that lonely if he's buying all those loaves of bread

TheIdlerReturns · 17/06/2026 16:44

SignGrudgeBluebook · 29/05/2026 19:58

I agree with this. I think this is why a lot of women go for geeky sorts. My DH is a bit geeky and it would never cross his mind to cat call or chat shit to women.

Yeah, you can always rely on a geek.

TheGreatDownandOut · 17/06/2026 18:12

TheIdlerReturns · 17/06/2026 16:44

Yeah, you can always rely on a geek.

Agree. Mine is a geek as well. He wouldn’t dream of even interacting with women (or anyone!) while
out and about unless he absolutely had to. He’s the least threatening man I have ever met

EvieBB · 17/06/2026 18:48

TheIdlerReturns · 17/06/2026 15:36

Yes to not encouraging them. I wouldn't go there. Well, he can't be that lonely if he's buying all those loaves of bread

Well I would've chatted to him...to my mind he was just being friendly....I often strike up conversation in the supermarket queue... makes for a more pleasant day

TheGreatDownandOut · 17/06/2026 19:52

EvieBB · 17/06/2026 18:48

Well I would've chatted to him...to my mind he was just being friendly....I often strike up conversation in the supermarket queue... makes for a more pleasant day

For you maybe

EvieBB · 17/06/2026 19:57

TheGreatDownandOut · 17/06/2026 19:52

For you maybe

Yep. Each to their own.....:)

TheGreatDownandOut · 17/06/2026 21:09

EvieBB · 17/06/2026 19:57

Yep. Each to their own.....:)

The post you quoted stated the man got arsey with her when she didn’t want to engage conversation. Many people don’t enjoy small talk, it’s not uncommon. Can’t people be left to go about their business without someone trying to force them to make conversation about bread?

TheIdlerReturns · 17/06/2026 21:30

EvieBB · 17/06/2026 18:48

Well I would've chatted to him...to my mind he was just being friendly....I often strike up conversation in the supermarket queue... makes for a more pleasant day

Horses for courses. I'm more the 'silent' type

EvieBB · 17/06/2026 23:27

TheGreatDownandOut · 17/06/2026 21:09

The post you quoted stated the man got arsey with her when she didn’t want to engage conversation. Many people don’t enjoy small talk, it’s not uncommon. Can’t people be left to go about their business without someone trying to force them to make conversation about bread?

Yes, of course. I'm just saying that for me, personally, it wouldn't have bothered me. I'm from 'up North'. Generally speaking, us Northerners tend to be more chatty and openly friendly with strangers....but I agree he shouldn't have got arsey and, yes, we're all different.

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