AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

Wowser. So if there are 30 kids in the class that's a gift of £300?!

Split between the teacher and TA, and often some support staff.

And so they should be, imagine how disappointed you would be as a teacher if kids names were missed off just because their parents didn’t pay enough!

Bloody hate these collections, last year the designated mum sent a “polite reminder” in the WhatsApp gc of every child whose parents hadn’t yet contributed.

Just take what has been contributed, buy a gift at that amount.

In my experience, yes (mercifully!) 😃

This thread has given me flash backs to the primary school days. Thankgod its all over! 🤣

Thats my experience too. It doesn't continue to secondary. I think secondary just becomes too complicated.
Parents don't know the other parents.
Kids might be in different classes and too many teachers, some teachers they'll only see once a week.

Entitlement of twin parents 😂 the only thing I feel entitled to is to walk around my shopping centre without getting stopped 50 times or spoken about (loudly. Omg twins!) 100 times, yet I can’t even get that.

"My neighbour's aunt's, cousin was a twin. You've got your habds full. Double Trouble! Which one's the good one? Are they identical? Boy and girl twins yes, but are they identical? Ahh that one's the girl? No, yes it is, you're wrong. Ahh I see that one's the pretty one. That's the fat one. Do twins run in your family? Are they natural? Did you know you were having twins?

tuts as two toddlers have minds of their own and walk slightly different ways

tuts as they're both crying and you can't deal with both in the same nanosecond

horrified looks as you tandem breastfeed minding your own business in a cafe, with layers of clothing so you're as covered as you can be with two babies on your boobs, without wearing sacks over all your heads, while a singleton mother feeding her baby is smiled at while and her toddler enjoys a snack in a highchair/pushchair

rolled eyes as you tell someone in a restaurant that yes you do need both the highchairs you literally just put at your table, you just haven't got the second kid out of the pushchair yet because you're not an Olympic octopus

sneers as you have reins on them so you don't have to pick your favourite if they both run in opposite directions because you only do that to dogs and they have a four-year-old and a two year-old which is exactly like twins and you just have to tell them not to run off and train them better

incredulity that you're not taking up a place on a waiting list for nursery/swim class as only one space has come up and you have to wait until two come up at once, and they won't

astonishment that actually yes you do need that twin trolley they think they need for their kid and space for their handbag/the kid's teddy next to them, because the supermarket carpark doesn't magically have provision for you to put a baby down somewhere while you put the other one in a carseat

So mich entitlement.

Thats still about a hundred pounds each assuming ths support staff get the other hundred.

People have no idea what other people's financial circumstances are. Even if on the surface people appear to be doing ok. You have no idea if they have old debts, heavy mortgage count every penny to make sure they can afford Christmas or whatever.

I always think these kind of whip rounds are best left open, we are doing a whip round if you'd like to donate....

There’s me thinking that it’ll all stop when my boys turn into toddlers and aren’t cute babies anymore!

It tails off when testosterone and Lynx Africa replace the cuteness. I'd say you've got a few years still in the trenches.

so funny
Lynx Africa 🤣🤣🤣 my boys go to
aahh memories

Contributing at all is optional. If you ask me, donations to this sort of thing should be anonymous, and gift recipients should be told only that the gift is from the class.

Exactly. I think everyone should sign the card or it should be signed off as class of 26’ no need to put individual names, you shouldn’t give to get praise or gratitude, it should be done for the benefit of the teacher without excluding others.

I totally agree! Whenever I have organised, it is confidential, totally optional, and amounts are entirely down to individual budgets and preferences. £10 per family might be about the average, I’ve never checked, but in my experience there have been donations between £2 and ~£30, all of which is fine!

👏 This made me laugh out loud. Fortunately not too loud as I’m on a train. The entitlement of just existing with twins 🤣

Why not? It discourages people from feeling obliged to put large sums of money in

Yy, or just not knowing what to do if you can easily afford more. The pp who had a 100 from a single contributor - did the collector actually want to be responsible for a bigger budget? Any issues with school policies on accepting gifts? Or you know, if you want to be extravagant think of your own gift ideas!

I think, as an ex teacher, that this is really unpleasant. Who agrees the amount? Is it a public agreeing? Thien it is not really agreeing at all, it is public manipulation. And a tenner a pupil is around £300 what on earth are you buying? To then consider leaving a child's name of a card given in public because the parents don't do what you ask is a form of bullying. Not a teacher on the planet would thank you for behaving like this. I do not know what you are thinking. A present is lovely but it should be a whip round for what ever each person wants to put in. There should never be an 'agreed' amount. If there is no agreed amount then you wouldn't be in this pickle.

And also, regardless of the parents' income you have no idea of the parents' out goings. Nor do you know what the parents' relationship with the teacher is. For all you know the parent might have been involved in a private disagreement - have made a complaint to the head about the teacher or had the teacher make a complaint to the head about them or their child. They might not feel like giving much in such circumstances. And the up shot is it really is none of your business.

Majority of parents have kids in different classes,so I assume they would contribute for each chilx. Why shouldnt the parent of twins contribute fir each child?The teacber is teaching borh of them.
But I also tbink gifts should be voluntary. Not compulsory. Why should parents be made to contribute?Bad idea.

Yes lots of parents have multiple children which is another reason having a set amount rather than a 'give what you want' is a bad idea, £20-30 (2 / 3 children) is a lot for some people just to give away to teachers with essentially nothing in return.

We aren't far off holiday season, lots of families will be trying to save money so they have spending money for holidays.

I think MN likes to make noises about COL but doesn't see that some people will be seriously down in disposable income in the current climate.

I think as a parent teachers are getting paid to do a job so why do you think there should be end of year whip rounds for them.

I don't think there "should" be a whip tound, I did not say that, but if there is going to be a gift given then it should be a simple whip round without an agreed ammount. I taught in really tough areas were giving teachers gifts was never a thing. Teachers do not expect it at all.

And that’s 100% your prerogative. No one is saying you have to give them a present, or if you do then it should be a cash contribution.

Exactly