AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

In which case OP given the theme of your thread as just stated

as there are between 120,000 and 150,000 twin parents in the U.K.

Assuming you don’t know the majority of them

I disagree that ‘so many are entitled’

I stand corrected if there are stats to prove otherwise

Op if you’re that bothered tell her it’s per child but you are definitely being unreasonable her kids are getting the same education as yours. It’s not even compulsory.

So I’ve googled your thought OP
just to look for evidence
heres the response

‘ why do people think twin parents are entitled ? Are they ?

+3

‘ People often perceive twin parents as entitled due to clashes in expectations surrounding two main dynamics: public visibility and parental support. Because twin pregnancies and raising two babies simultaneously are physically and financially demanding, some parents develop strong boundary-setting or vocal expectations that can be misread by others as privilege or entitlement. 1]

1. High Visibility and Boundary Fatigue

The "Freak Show" Effect: Twin parents are constantly stopped in public by strangers asking intrusive or repetitive questions (e.g., "Are they natural?" or "Do twins run in your family?"). 1, 2, 3]

The Response: To protect their children’s privacy or avoid being overwhelmed, twin parents often set firm, immediate boundaries or snap back at polite but intrusive small talk. To observers, rejecting this well-intentioned curiosity can come off as snobby or ungrateful.

1. The "Competitiveness" of Parenting

The Singleton Clash: Many parents of singletons (who also face exhausting, unique challenges) can feel alienated when twin parents emphasise how hard their situation is. 1]

Perceived Victimhood: When twin parents lean heavily on "survival mode" or request special accommodations, non-twin parents sometimes perceive this as playing the victim or believing their hardship is greater than everyone else’s. 1, 2]

1. Expectations for Special Treatment and Resources

Financial and Logistical Aid: Raising twins requires double the initial costs—two car seats, double the nappies, and significant out-of-pocket expenses. Some twin parents actively advocate for policy changes, such as double maternity pay or extra medical support. Those outside the multiples community occasionally view these vocal demands as a sense of entitlement to extra societal perks. 1]

Special Treatment in Public: Twin parents, out of sheer survival, may demand preferential treatment or leniency in public spaces (e.g., getting priority seating, bypassing lines, or excusing chaotic toddler behaviour ). Observers without children, or even single-child parents, may feel that having twins does not automatically grant a "pass" to bypass regular rules.

But why do you care so much? Mr X isn't going know/care about having £10 less and no one else is disadvantaged by this person only paying once. You've put enormous amounts of effort and vitriol into getting yourself worked up over something that actually doesn't actually affect you in any way, to the extent that you are now judging all twin parents, just because you clearly don't like this woman. It all seems very unnecessary and frankly exhausting.

Entitlement of twin parents. 😂

You’re ridiculously unreasonable.

You really need to get a life and leave this school group. Perhaps if the school heard about what is going on amongst parents, they would ban teacher gifts.

You’re not setting a good example on how to behave - I hope your DC’s don’t pick up on your attitude.

If I had twins, I would pay 20. But I also think it’s wrong to state a set amount for people to contribute. I’m running the kitty for teacher gifts for one of my kids this year and gave an an indicative bracket of how much people typically contribute but made it clear it was entirely
up to them how much they gave (if at all)

Why did you give a typical contribution amount and then say it’s up to you? Surely it’s one or the other?

You are so far out of line, and your obvious envy and general unpleasantness is quite something to see on this thread. Do you secretly see twins as a bit glamorous? I know multiples attract envy at times (I have single birth children).

In most normal set ups, contributions are voluntary and confidential. You don’t seem familiar with the normal approach, so I will explain. I have organised collections before, I have information about what each family has donated, but I would never discuss this with anyone else. The closest I have come to discussing it, was when asked for a suggested contribution, I gave a range and a rough average, emphasising that families should do what works for them.

Doesn’t really matter what I think as I’m not organising it ☺️

The whole gifts for teacher, parents' collection is weird IMO

even weirder to also the admin staff etc

I do a lowly admin job and if there was a collection by people to group together a gift at the end of the year (as a thank you for doing the job I am already paid for) I would feel really awkward.

Off thread but the whole thing is gross

ETA - someone gave me a lovely scented candle once for a project I helped on, that was nice. It was just something small but appreciated from
one person though, no big faff. I i knew a song and dance had been made to organise fucking collection though.... awwwwkwarddddd

Why would it be per child and not per household? The children don't have money, so why not per parent! That would make more sense. But then per 'working' parent, or then have it based on income. Or just let people decide for themselves seeing as how it's all voluntary anyway! Just nice they're participating.

Just say you don't like this woman and move on with your life. I don't know if you're envious of her money or have a phobia of twins or hate her face or what, but it is really pathetic that you spend so much time thinking about her. The more you post and the more venom you spit about this woman, the smaller I assume your world is.

@TheMumEdit She sounds awful. But not all twin parents are CF.

The main thing I've got out of this thread is that you don't like the mum in question.

Oh crikey. You've got me questioning whether I'm an OK twin mum or a failure. I've only ever made shared birthday cakes for my two. It has never occurred to me they might want one each. Does it help that I make one shared cake for school and a second shared cake for home? Or is that compounding my shame? #cakegate

I agree. Theirs is absolutely no reason to be buying a gift for a teacher whose only reason for being there is because it’s the job they chose.

Surely it's supposed to be a token sign of appreciation? In which case, any contribution from the children and families should be welcome and gratefully received. Some will give the 10 pounds, some may give more or less, and some may just sign their name on the card because they too want to say thanks to the teacher.
Not letting children sign the card if their parents haven't "paid in full" is just awful. Actually the whole thing is awful.
I am our class PA and I would never, ever do a collection like this. Apart from anything else, the amount raised in the OP is completely inappropriate. A homemade card, some chocolates, maybe a small plant or some nice stationery - a little something to say thanks, we appreciated you teaching us this year.

Oh dear, I've accidentally twin mum shamed as a twin mum! Sorry!

If they've never complained, you're fine! I have a family member who's a twin, and he guilted me into making sure I made two cakes for my twins' first birthday onwards because his mum had always actually refused to make one each for him and his brother. Despite both he and his brother liking and disliking different flavours. That made me so sad I made two. But there was FAR too much cake, because to my mind I couldn't make them smaller, because that was just as bad!

The grandparents in this story had INSISTED on bringing the cakes. Then done the maths and decided two was silly. My friends strongly felt two cakes were important and were really upset. That was their hill to die on, and it had been ignored.

I happily call my twins "the twins" in the same way other people insist on calling them "the kids", or using names every time to avoid "the twins". I don't have an issue with it, some twin parents have that as their hill to die on. I don't like "the kids"; it jars for me. Mine are B/G twins, so I can't call them "the boys" or "the girls".

I always do one present from the pair of them for a party, though I'll pay more than for a single present. (Sometimes double the budget I'd have done for one, but depends on how lucky I've been with the purchase price. Same as a singleton might get a cheap present due to budget constraints or purchasing luck.) My reasoning for one present will always be because one gift will always be liked more by the recipient as well as by my twins. I'd like them both to have given equally. I'd wrap more than one item in one parcel.

As you can see, as twin parents, we're all fucking nuts. All trying to live our lives. All paranoid about being judged for being "too" something, or "not enough something" by singleton parents, or by those who produced their children in single doses. Or I'm speaking out of turn to speak on behalf of however many twin families there are in existence, and being as bad as those I'm saying can be critical. I had a few "fuck those people" moments over the last few years when people couldn't understand why I was perceived to have "special treatment".

In short, that's why this is so long. Because I'm now worried I offended another twin mum. (Just kidding, I know I just need to send you comradely twin mum vibe nods, and we'll both move on to the next thing! No time!)😘😂

Oh, I'm not the least offended, @AffableApple . We are all getting by as well as we can. Having twins guarantees we are cash poor, time poor and probably both. But I also feel it's the greatest joy and privilege of my life and I wouldn't change a thing. The AI answer sourced by @BrownTroutBluesAgain was very interesting and recognisable- twin parenthood is a sort of club that cannot be joined by choice, payment or recommendation- we always stick up for fellow-members and I can see that this might make others feel on the outside, however many singleton children they have.
There's no right or wrong single answer to any of these questions- single/double, separate/shared, together/apart- we are all just muddling through. My identical twin sons turn 18 in a couple of weeks. They are fine, loving young men and, shared cake notwithstanding, each other's best friend and best advocate- a lifelong relationship like none other. Aren't we lucky?

Yay
🥳

I’m a two cake mum
but I agree
there’s always TOO MUCH CAKE
🤣

That's what I was thinking £10 a child for a class of 30 is a lot.

Absolutely not

So when does it stop
after primary ?