AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

It’s absolutely psychotic to police the amounts, very mean spirited of you.

I think contributions should be pay what you can afford tbh. I have twins and life is expensive enough. I do tend to send one gift to parties but a £20 one rather a £10 one.

To be clear no one has to contribute and some don’t. But the agreement is as £10
per child. If you don’t agree don’t put in.

It's why she's well off

Couldn’t you just collect the money and hand over the gift without judging and gossiping?

That's such a horrible way to do things. I bet the teacher and TAs would agree.

I think it’s crazy to be explicit about the amount. We just have a general if you’d like to donate. That way people can donate what they afford.
Also just because she has a high paying job doesn’t mean she’s got bags of money. Unless you’re her accountant you have no idea.

It's entirely up to the parent how much they contribute.

Personally I don't think teaching staff should be allowed to accept gifts of this value.
In the NHS staff aren't allowed to accept gifts above a small value, so why are teaching staff allowed to?

A card should be enough and much more personal.

Why do you care so much?

Blows my mind how petty some people can be.

@TheMumEdit that is.

Surely it's a voluntary donation, no one is obliged to contribute to teachers a gift. Perhaps others no longer wish to contribute due you being a CF?

I organised school collections for years with the message of donate whatever you want, no pressure. And the gift was from everyone. No issues, no drama, happy teachers and TAs. You have no idea of anyone's true financial situation.

I agree no one knows someone’s situation. But when she’s regularly posting in the group chat about trips to Disney, skiing and cruises (so far this year) and they are both driving brand new luxury cars I’m confident she’s not struggling.

Maybe that’s why she’s got no money??

If you’re this annoyed about then extend the conditions to say contribution is not compulsary and nor is a specific amount. That’s what we do.

This is why I hate whole class collections like this.

Parents should be able to donate what they want without a register being kept and judgement passed.

I would feel it’s fine to give just one donation as a twin mum. It’s the parents giving, not the child. It’s from parents to teacher to say thank you, so I feel it should be considered as one donation per parents. Regardless it’s a voluntary donation and making such a huge deal about it is ridiculous

That’s the way it was always done. It wasn’t started by me and neither was the amount we give . I followed suit from the previous years. I don’t think it’s to exclude kids as I’m sure they give individual gifts.

Interesting people saying about teachers accepting that value. No one at the school ever said anything about the value.

You sound awful.

It honestly doesn’t sound to me like the agreement works well if you’re more annoyed about getting £10 than her not contributing at all.

Yes - there's nothing worse than the Alpha mother telling other mothers (and it's always the mothers, the dads get a free pass) what to do at the school gate.

I think you're right, but I also think it's not unusual for twin parents not to expect to pay for both DC in all sorts of situations.

That said, this collection is surely voluntary so there's no should about it?

Plus, i know it's not unusual, but collecting £300 per class is ridiculous.

Oh behave!

I don’t think you should have an agreed amount. I have organised teacher collections and have always said put in what you can afford. It’s not compulsory. I agree with the poster who said gifts should only be purchased after collection of money

I don't think you should state an amount for these collections. People should be able to choose what to contribute.