AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

I’m so glad our schools never did these group things
It sounds like people judge and check how much everyone has donated from pps
It also sounds performative for most

Much better for people to do what they want to do and if they want to do anything at all

We used to make a Christmas cake for the staff room at Christmas ( obviously )

The staff were always delighted
lots of thankyou’s to the boys and myself
In the summer it was
home made cards.

Each to their own
No judgement
No pressure

And tbh OP if some people give far less than £10 they are still giving

Interesting. The twins that came to my son’s party only brought one present I didn’t think that I fed two kids so should have got two presents . But if they hosted a party (they haven’t yet!) I’d get them a present each. Now I’ve noticed this maybe I’ll get two cheap presents or half each of a game they can pay together like a bat and ball each 😂

Let's say there are 20 kids in the class. If everyone contributed 10 pounds per kid you'd get 200. So you're only getting 195. Sounds awfully stingy to me.

People often get twins a single gift "to share", so your idea isn't as hilarious as you think.

Perhaps they thought one nice gift was better than getting two cheap ones just so they could hand over two boxes. Sounds like getting two boxes is important to you though. Hopefully your son isn't as grabby as you are, and was happy to have his friends attend his party.

I have twins and will sometimes get one more expensive gift of £20 rather than two cheaper £10 gifts. It’s child led and the dc tend to know what their friends will like. I’d much rather the girls got one present to share for birthdays as it’s already a lot especially when having class parties when they are small.

I agree. I do the same with one good present instead of two cheaper ones. I have a set budget I spend on gifts for school friends, now my children are older they can choose the gift(s) as long as it's within that budget.

ETA - I don't like the tone of posts like pp because it very much sounds like punishing children for things that are outside of their control (gift budgets/end of year contributions etc).

Really !

you’d punish the kids because the parent is an arse ?

I can say however as the parent of twins that people did this a lot to my boys and No they always gave a present each to their friends.

This. Plus shared birthday cards and shared cake.

Yep we’ve had shared cards

Not cake as they are usually provided by the parents

Some venues provide a cake if it's a kid party place. One booking, one cake. (Understandable, of course.) No personal experience of it though, or any workaround.

I have twin parent friends where the grandparents were supposed to bring cakes for a 1st birthday party. They had insisted on it. They brought one, and said it was for the same number of guests to eat, so why did it matter? Double the amount of cake would be daft, they said.

People are very weird about twin-related stuff.

I have never used a party place that provided the cakes. We always took our own so I can’t comment on that
My MIL regularly bought them shared presents. That’s not a MIL bashing comment just a my MIL thing. She really just couldn’t be bothered

I also banned the twin word. They have names

Ffs it's a tenner get over it.

You would have had more flexibility over costs though. For example the older child could potentially have a booster chair once the younger one was ready for a high chair, not the case with twins. You could have opted out of having the younger child's haircut as a baby, thereby only needing to pay for one. Clothes can be potentially passed down so alleviating some of the cost. Child care would start to ease for as they older one would soon be eligible for nursery funding.
You also chose to have two children relatively close together, and presumably able to budget?twin parents do not have that luxury either

But All that’s irrelevant in this case. If you have two in different classes you put in twice. Why should someone contribute less cause their children are in the same class.

Your getting away from the point of what you responded to. The previous poster to whom you replied was explaining the costs of having to buy double of everything. You stated that you had all these costs with 2 under 2. I explained the difference for you, around how you would benefit from staggered costs (I.e one in a highchair one in q booster seat, ones nursery funding ending when the others is just starting that list is non- exhaustive BTW. As you have no answer your essentially handwaving this away as "being irrelevant" when we have tried to educate you on the impact of paying double every time upfront.

You clearly do not want, or wish to understand the financial impact of twins. I would consider you wholly unsuitable to be the person who knows of others contributions as you appear to have neither the sensitivity or tact to manage such a situation, best you do everyone a favour, and bow out?

I had two in different classes, I would put in twice but I could not afford much anyway, as I'd worked in a school years back I always quietly valued the handmade cards or small gifts the parents had supported their children to make. A collection would have felt more like a thank you from the parents, which whilst is also fine. However my kids had no idea when on one occassion I did contribute to the class collection what had been bought and no one told me until I asked. I didn't contribute the following year when the organiser informed us of her fee to do so.

People contribute what they can afford, it is not mandatory.

I also knew a mother of triplets As I goy to know her better it was clear she had a controlling abusive husband, can you even begin to appreciate how stressful, and potentially discriminatory to her children your judgemental views would be. I would also be concerned around your potential lack of discretion.

I always bought two gifts if both were invited so each had there own to give. They are two different children, however it was still less per head money was tight.

To be honest I don’t care much for buying teachers gifts at end of term , they are doing a job that they are getting paid for so why the need to buy them gifts. Does anyone else in any other job get a gift at year end from their customers? Service users? Patients or whoever ?
they are paid for what they do out of our taxes so give over with this £10 per child thing that’s ridiculous

There is no should contribute. It’s voluntary. They can give as little or as much as they want - or nothing.

Jesus wept.
Who voted, was it an unanimous vote or were people voting ebcause no one wanted to look cheap in front of forceful parents? Parent groups are so toxic, a bunch of people decides something and everyone else is sort of forced to go with it. It's a voluntary contribution. In my sons class we do 'pay what you can'. She may be a doctor but maybe they have outgoings and financial responsibilities you have no idea about.

Oh there is always one... One for you!

Sorry me again- would you prefer she didnt pay at all by the looks of it?

Because its a voluntary contribution so she can put in whatever she wants....

I’m perfectly entitled to my opinion as you are to yours.
Teachers get paid a decent salary for doing their job. Probably paid quite a bit more than some parents do. So I don’t see why people feel the need to buy them presents for doing the job they are paid to do.

you have your opinion I have mind, it’s the way it is love so let’s leave it at that

This is madness. Whats wrong with the child taking just a card or a very simple cheap gift. Even £10 per child is insane. £20 is absolutely crazy. Teachers are well paid.

Do parents give presents / £10 or so to every teacher during the GCSE years ?

When the group was set up (not by me) the initial message was along the lines of this is the group for Mr X end of year gift. Bank details were left and a comment on ideas for gifts. Another parent commented saying should we do £10 again per child agajn, and lots of parents (including this one) said yes, let’s do that.
She didn’t have to join the gift chat but she chose too. Around 16 parents joined (so 18 kids) out of 22. No one cares the others aren’t.

Others peoples finances don’t come into my mind. I know she’s “rich” as she likes to let us know. So either she’s lying about her situation or she’s a tight ass.

She is the parent who turns up to a party where someone has paid for both her kids with one crap, low cost gift. But makes sure her kids get a gift each at their joint party by banging on how they had different tastes.

The main thing from this thread is the entitlement of so many twin parents.