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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

579 replies

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:09

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

OP posts:
Sunlitsoul · 28/05/2026 09:51

It's a voluntary contribution not mandatory, they don't even need to give £10 if you don't want to. One of my children's classes we do it as a voluntary contribution of up to £10 or whatever people can afford, there's no pressure to contribute, plenty of people do their own thing or do nothing. The card is signed from the entire class no matter who did or didn't contribute, no one is singled out.

My other child's class the woman who always organises it, does it through her work, she gets commission on what she buys. I don't think she contributes herself (she has 4 children in the school and is a single mum, she volunteers for every class collection, christmas, end of year, people sick, people leaving etc). She decided the contribution was to be doubled for each to £20 (not contribute how much you can afford), now there is no way this woman was putting in £80 twice a year for class presents she was clearly contributing £0 and taking the commission and even a bit of the money for herself, there was 0 transparency on what she bought and where the money went. This led to half the class to bow out of class collections. The card is always signed from the list of names who contributed too, not the class. No one should be told how much they NEED to contribute, it's a token gift, teachers really don't want some shit someone else chose. I know from teacher friends the gifts appreciated the most is a hand made card from the child/card from the parent, just saying thank you and 1 friend loved it when the class collection got her an amazon gift card, she got to spend it on something she actually wanted, she didn't expect it though.

This parent can give £10 or £0, just because someone appears to have a good job and be well off doesn't mean they don't have a massive mortgage, car payments etc etc, you don't know anything about anyone else's finances, besides even if they are well off it doesn't mean they want to or have to contribute.

HarshbutTrue2 · 28/05/2026 11:53

RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 08:40

One of the reasons I won't contribute to the class collection is because the parent who does it is always on the grift and I suspect she takes some of the money and keeps it for herself whilst buying everything on the cheap with vouchers.

Congratulations. You are even more cynical than me. That takes some doing.

There is an old trope that the person who does the collection, never contributes themselves.

Motherbear44 · 28/05/2026 12:06

Larrythecatforpm · 26/05/2026 17:20

Besides if theres 30 kids surely £290 or whatever is enough? £10 per child is silly.

It is an awful lot of money for an end of term gift. Do all staff get that?

That was not the point of your post though. I think at this point I would not say anything. If the family are anything like the high earners I know, they have not had time to even read the letter properly and saw £10 so sent that!!!

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:07

Serenissimissima · 28/05/2026 08:34

They were in an 80-pupil CoE school in a very privileged corner of the Test Valley. The school was regularly in the top 10 nationally for SATS because by the time Y4 arrived most moved to prep and there would only be a handful of diligent girls left working on 11+. The school's results boosted everyone's house values so it became a conspiracy of silence that no-one wanted to say aloud that it was actually pretty lazy and complacent, teaching precisely to the SATS requirement and not an inch beyond. So yes, we had a choice and exercised this by moving them to prep at 8.

Miracle they did well if they had crap teachers like I'd have appreciated any teacher spotting we had one right & one left handed twin. I'd have relished their class teacher (who was the SENCO) spotting that one boy had a verbal disfluency. !

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:09

RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 08:40

One of the reasons I won't contribute to the class collection is because the parent who does it is always on the grift and I suspect she takes some of the money and keeps it for herself whilst buying everything on the cheap with vouchers.

Are you joking @RedToothBrush ? If not, are you alone in these suspicions? Why do you think that?

TicklishMintDuck · 28/05/2026 12:24

£10 is a lot of money for many people. Why not reduce the amount for everyone, or let people offer what they can afford? The teacher doesn’t expect anything and certainly wouldn’t want people to feel they have to give a certain amount.

Serenissimissima · 28/05/2026 12:39

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:07

Miracle they did well if they had crap teachers like I'd have appreciated any teacher spotting we had one right & one left handed twin. I'd have relished their class teacher (who was the SENCO) spotting that one boy had a verbal disfluency. !

Technically proficient at teaching literacy and numeracy, and helped by demographic, small class sizes and engaged parents. But never any sense of going the extra mile, spotting issues or seeing the individual.

This whole thread assumes there should be gifts and it's just a question of how much parents should be expected to spend. I wouldn't contribute for my DTwins' teachers in that school because I didn't feel they deserved it, not because I'm a CF twin mum or unable to afford it. Other schools, other teachers: different decisions for sure.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:46

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RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 12:55

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:09

Are you joking @RedToothBrush ? If not, are you alone in these suspicions? Why do you think that?

Not joking.

Not going to go into reasons for it. I have only mentioned it to one other parent I trust and she's in agreement but it's not something I'd say further as it's not worth the agro and it's not my money.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:57

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RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 13:00

Exactly. I can't prove it.

Suffice to say I do know she's grifting with other things and has had to be pulled up on things before.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 13:02

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Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 13:04

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RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 13:06

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Not the same social circles.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 13:09

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purpleme12 · 28/05/2026 13:11

Bloody hell that's a massive present/tonnes of money for this teacher!

Bananaloaf88 · 28/05/2026 16:00

The question here is, why does this annoy you?

As a teacher I can tell you with absolute certainty, the teacher won't care.

When I've taken part in collections for teachers it has always been a voluntary donation of your choice, not a set amount. It should be a donation per adult not child.

HarshbutTrue2 · 28/05/2026 16:11

Class reps used to be on pta and act as a go between for the parents of that class and pta and school. Organising fundraising and class collections.
I know someone so full of their own importance that they appointed themselves as class rep. Even though there was already one in place.

Playground politics and egos are funny old things.

Parker231 · 28/05/2026 16:13

HarshbutTrue2 · 28/05/2026 16:11

Class reps used to be on pta and act as a go between for the parents of that class and pta and school. Organising fundraising and class collections.
I know someone so full of their own importance that they appointed themselves as class rep. Even though there was already one in place.

Playground politics and egos are funny old things.

A made up job. If the school needs the parents to receive any information, they will make it available.

Ibizamumof4 · 28/05/2026 17:37

It’s a voluntary collection ? Even if a kids parent doesn’t put in their name still goes on card !

Cycleaway · 28/05/2026 19:17

RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 08:38

No one is forced to do the collection. Even if nominated. The word is No.

Oh do stop being so patronising. How does this sanctimonious comment help the OP or help with anything. No I didn’t need to do it, but I did because some overbearing person, not dissimilar to you, bullied me in to it.

HarshbutTrue2 · 28/05/2026 21:14

Parker231 · 28/05/2026 16:13

A made up job. If the school needs the parents to receive any information, they will make it available.

That particular pta paid for a lot for the kids. Leavers hoodies were a big thing. The pta organised them and paid for them. They got the orders via the class reps. Then distributed them. Something the school wouldn't really want to do.
They organised social events for the parents to raise money. Again, saving the school hassle. They also provided Christmas presents for each class. It was a very good pta and the system worked well

Girlsjustwannahavefunno1 · 29/05/2026 00:48

£10 is a lot for a teacher's gift.
My mum used to get them a chocolate orange for a pound.
You don't know that she can afford it.
It doesn't really matter anyway.
Let it go op .

Sweetnessandbite · 29/05/2026 02:40

Out of interest, if one child's parents genuinely couldn't afford to contribute, would they be left off the card?

I wouldn't expect double donation from a twin parent and definitely wouldn't mention it to anyone. However, her being well off and setting the amount of donation per child, is then a bit cheeky not following her own suggestion.

Clonakilla · 29/05/2026 02:46

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:37

I agree no one knows someone’s situation. But when she’s regularly posting in the group chat about trips to Disney, skiing and cruises (so far this year) and they are both driving brand new luxury cars I’m confident she’s not struggling.

The jealousy dripping from this post 😂😂😂😂😂

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