AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

And?! How she chooses to spend her money (or not) is none of your business frankly. The whole things sounds a nightmare and incredibly gossipy and judgey and just a chance to shame others or to feel smug. Just say to people if you wish to contribute then do so (whatever amount you feel able to contribute no specific amount) by X date then go with whatever amount you receive to get the gift and put from all of the class. Easy and sensitive to everyone’s situation without excluding.

How exactly am I bullying you by telling you to assert yourself and not allow people to railroad you? Seriously, you can't blame others for your own unwillingness to say no. Take responsibility for saying yes rather than calling me sanctimonious! Jesus.

Your tone is pretty unpleasant, to be honest, but I’m fairly sure that’s intentional.

It might not be jealousy....just an observation....that's a very presumptuous leap you have made .....

You know nothing about me. You have assumed I don’t know I shouldn’t have gone along with it, but I had pnd at the time, and do you know what, I just didn’t have it in me to fight back. I think you should just F off and stop derailing posts with superior comments to make yourself feel good. Get a life, get a mirror, and use it to reflect on whether everyone always need to hear your inflated opinion. I’m sure you’ll want the last word on this because you DO sound like a bully, but I won’t be replying to you, because I can see you don’t have the facility to consider any point of view than your own. Enjoy your small judgey life

this was all ahead of the event ( as in I was told ‘there are 34 children in this class therefore the total contributions will be £340, which should be divided amongst the teachers and TAs as follows’ …) In hindsight, this person should have just organised the thing themselves rather than barking orders at me. I really don’t want to go in to the ins and outs of it all, needless to say it was awful. The only reason I brought it up (which I honestly wish I hadn’t now) was to highlight that if parent in the class us so invested in who has donated what, perhaps they should be the person to address it

I completely agree that it’s not unreasonable to know what the collection amount is or how it’s allocated

Your whole way of thinking reflects so poorly on you, and your values. I find it shocking that you are being so mean and judgemental about this, let alone that you are judging her entire character and lifestyle.

I think most teachers would be horrified by your attitude, let alone most parents.

I don’t think anyone should be setting an amount. You ask people if they want to contribute then to give what they are comfortable with.

the whole point of contributing is that the teacher gets a better gift than they’d get with lots of £5 and £10 pound whatever rubbish.

so who contributes what shouldn’t be a fixed amount.

What you have stated is exactly what I did

At the time £10 was at the time quite a hefty donation, the parents of the class were of pretty split opinion about the teacher and didn’t all want to donate, there were four TAs/1-1s who people were of vehemently mixed opinion whether the whole class should gift to, oh and there were three sets of twins in the class, not all of whom donated £10 per child. Alongside that, was an expectation from a bossy, wealthy, alpha, head of the governors mum, that the amount collected would be significantly more than it actually was, which she had already told the teacher as they wanted vouchers to go on a spa day together. It was absolutely horrendous and I wouldn’t wish the job on my worst enemy

This was an anecdotal story to highlight my observation that some people have very strong opinions, but aren’t willing to volunteer to collect the money themselves. It happened 15 years ago, so I honestly don’t think I’m getting the time effort or money I expended on this at the time back 🤣

She really does.
Just reading her entries in this post are giving me a headache.
I feel for the other mums.

What’s YOUR problem. Why keep quoting me?I’m not sure why you keep going on at me, when I’ve already explained why I offered this pov, but as you asked and not that I think this makes it okay for other people to have behaved the way they did, I had pnd at the time. I’ve said this already

Perhaps you think I should have just pulled myself together.

Thats absolutely disgusting behaviour from the teacher- what a CF!!! I feel very cross about that as incidents like that make all teachers look bad!
I am a teacher and I always feel slightly overwhelmed and a bit uncomfortable when children bring gifts at end of the year- more for the children who havent brought one who feel they have to apologise and they absolutely don't- most normal teachers dont expect gifts. Its lovely to have your hardwork noticed of course but a heartfelt thank you or a note. When mine start talking about bringing gifts, I always say your hard work, kindness and lovely behaviour is the best gift. I'm fortunate not to work in a school where they do a class whip round. Particularly at the moment, with the cost of living, I really dont think parents should be adding to their stress buying gifts that, although very welcomed, are absolutely unnecessary.

There are twins in my younhests class and I wouldn't expect them to put double the money into a collection l, regardless of their income. I think it's unreasonable to ask them to do that, if anything I'd tell the other twin parent not to double up the amount they put in.

I hate collections like this as people end up not following the rules and I’ve put in more than I’d want to. It’s best if it’s just put in what you want.

Nobody should be paying the teachers to do the job they are already paid to do.

I have twins and pay per child

You sound really lovely and sensible - we’d have preferred you 🤣

Only to say in an email to HR it’s a gift and not part/payment for services or bribes. They can donate £1000 each if they want - a gift is a gift. No tax required unless it owes above gift tax thresholds.

@JoB1kenobi I meant for school not tax purposes

Parents of twins have double the expense. Perhaps the donation should be per family