DH holiday misery - he’s fed up with the kids

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Writing this from what should be a dream holiday.
2 kids (3&4) who are generally terrible listeners, don’t care for consequences, don’t do as they’re told unless asked a million times. I am a laid back parent probably too laid back - but I also think they’re still young. DH however is not. He believes they’re should be sitting at the table speaking politely and enjoying family dinners peacefully every night.

he’s not enjoying himself one bit, kids are over excited, dysregulated, tired, a but run down but generally having a really lovely happy time. DH is so fed up, keeps saying it’s a waste of his time and money; how it’s ridiculous they just want me all the time, keeps hurrying then up like tonight trying to get them out and he says things like ‘we’re nit fucking around’ which I think is awful. He’s taken himself off to her tonight with no good night to anyone or omoffer if any help it’s feeling like he just Hayes his life!!

are aby 3/4 year olds that well behaved and eat everything ik their plate and don’t refuse food and have nice family conversation over lunch?

I used to watch “families” on the st Malo ferry to Portsmouth, 8 hours at the end of a 2 week holiday

I could see the dads just wanted to get back to work as he’s not used to actually parenting and being with the children for so long. Mums worn out from being on holiday with the children, expected to do all the parenting and frazzled

not all families, but many and even those where they shared the parenting, being together 24/7 for 2 weeks is a lot

you have a 3&4 year old which is a lot to deal with everyday, but take them out of their own environment and into a holiday and it’s not easy

your dp needs to step up at home not just moan on holiday

as fir consequences, children this age just don’t understand- they are not old enough and not listening is in their job description- find other ways to get their attention - always eye contact, always touch their arm between elbow and shoulder and very simple short instructions

Very very different with one child.
mine were very close in age like the OPs and they get each other going.

It’s relentless having such a close age gap and very different

2 kids (3&4) who are generally terrible listeners, don’t care for consequences, don’t do as they’re told unless asked a million times. I am a laid back parent probably too laid back

I’m not lax on behavior not am I obstructive to him installing discipline.

These two posts seem in direct contradiction to each other. If your children are "generally terrible listeners" who won't do as they're told, how can you say you aren't lax on behaviour? You say yourself that you are probably too laid back.

OTOH your DH sounds like a pain in the arse who complains about the children but won't actually step up and be a parent. It is absolutely unfair of him to defer to you as the default parent and then object to the result.

If you could get on the same page and tackle the children's misbehaviour as a united front, everyone would be happier. I would certainly cut the children some slack while on holiday, though.

Genuinely disappointed in the responses to this thread.

A bloke who clearly doesn't like his kids and isn't prepared to parent them gets into a strop because holidays with kids aren't what they were without them.

And apparently it's all the OPs fault.

If you do decide to stay married make it clear no more holidays with him until the kids are in double figures. If you do decide to stay married - I guess the question is whether he's basically always like this but doesn't spend enough time with you all for it to be a problem.

No DC that age should be expected to sit at a table for two hours!! I’m all in favour of discipline but that is ridiculous. When ours were that age we still ate at roughly their normal time eg 6, got it done with, took them back to the accommodation and got them off to bed , and then sat outside on the balcony/ decking. Choice of accommodation is critical!! We usually did caravan holidays so they had their own room.

The holidays involved a mix of beach time, swimming, sightseeing -but we kept that fun, eg some of the towns we visited had little trains that toured round the town. Ours loved that type of thing.

Again thanks for all the responses, some useful, some not!! 🤣

I feel like I need to clarify again, that when I say I’m laid back and my kids don’t respond to consequences and aren’t great listeners, I don’t mean they’re ever running riot tearing the place up doing whatever they like. I just mean on a day to day basis, I have to tell them over and over, get your shoes on, stop getting down from the table, brush your teeth. Behaviour that I consider to be totally normal for kids their age, and perhaps I’m not harsh enough on them, but we live very busy lives and adding stress into the mix will help nobody. We follow routine at home, but for example, we’ve let them nap, have more treats, stay up later because we’re on holiday!!

I think part of the problem is that yes, I do most of the parenting; so he doesn’t have to deal with it. He probably has a vision of what holiday will be like and when he sees the reality he doesn’t like it. His expectations are too high, mine possibly slightly too low but as I said, I’m on holiday and as long as they aren’t bothering anybody I won’t let their defiance ruin my peace either!

theyve been a lot better, which suggests to me what I already knew, that the first couple of nights they were settling into the new environment, but his disregard of my opinion on that, is the issue here.

All the comments from one child families, I wish you luck if you have a second!

all those with perfect children, lucky you.

Anyone that’s called me lazy have probably judged too soon with no wider context.

Anyone suggesting my DH is an arse I completely agree.

You both need to be singing from the same hymn sheet. At the ages of your children and if we were abroad, we would make sure they had a lunchtime nap which enabled them to stay up later and not be grotty.

It sounds like your parenting styles aren't aligned, you need to agree the boundaries and both enforce them. My kids were taught to sit at the table from a young age, and this was gently reiterated, so it is possible. Not saying im a perfect parent but the issue here is you both dont agree on the boundaries so the kids have unclear expectations that differ with each of you. You both need to compromise to get on the same page

It’s very obvious that he’s a lazy, nasty, spoilt man, who has ridiculous expectations for this children’s behaviour and also for some reason holds the OP solely responsible for it, whilst doing nothing to contribute to teaching them good manners himself.

His behaviour is only going to have the opposite effect tbh.

Those who think the OP is a lazy parent will be those who have had the luck and luxury in life never to come across / be married to a man like this. Who thinks he can make his partner scurry around making everything perfect for him - including his small children - so that his life is easy and as he wants it.

OP is likely exaggerating how difficult her kids are / how “relaxed” she is too, because she’s got into a habit of excusing her husband’s behaviour and putting blame on herself.

The kids may have a bit of stubbornness about them but they sound like perfectly nice, young kids. Sounds as though the holiday routine has been unrealistic and not geared up to young kids, so absolutely setting you/ them up to fail in terms of their behaviour.

Your children are behaving normally fkr their age. I do not understand doing a ‘dream’ holiday with kids that age; that was your mistake. Stick to the basics with kids - sea, beach, pool, camping etc.

I don’t think I’d have done a ‘dream’ holiday with 3/4 year olds. Your dh is just dissapointed I guess but that doesn’t mean he gets to check out. Maybe go for simpler holidays next time and stick to more of their normal routine at least until they’re a bit older.

Hard to sing from the same hymn sheet if the other ones hymn book comes from hell

When I say dream holiday we aren’t on safari or trekking the Himalayas, we are in a luxury resort in spain that’s extremely family friendly and catered to children. When I say ‘dream’ I mean dream for the time of life that we are. It’s the perfect place for young children

Gosh this is extremely intuitive and you are absolutely right. I know deep down my children are not bad kids, and it’s not my fault; but somehow here I am question myself and worst of all, them

Those holidays are great - as you’ve said, they take a bit of adjusting too, especially if meals are in a big busy dining room. They sound like normal kids on holiday. I hope your husband stops taking his frustration out on you all.

I was wondering if that was a typo for 'to bed'?

It was.

Your kids sound like my kids, aged 3 and 4. They’re rowdy and cheerful and good fun. Your husband needs to lighten up

Agreed. I suspect that although he's saying he wants them to behave better, what he really means is that he just doesn't want them there at all.

Your children are still very young, expecting them to sit patiently at meal times (especially on an exciting holiday) is only setting you both up to fail. I’ve taken my children abroad a few times from being 6 months old and it’s hard work but you just have to accept they’re young and still learning. I always make sure we have colouring, small toys etc and sometimes if they’re really being pains I just let them watch something on my phone so we can eat in peace🤷🏻‍♀️ your husband sounds like a misery

Funny how it's not ok to say a man who swears at his children, blames his wife for everything, does nothing to help and ruins a family holiday with his temper sounds like a horrible man but apparently the onslaught that the poor OP has received about her parenting, including but not limited to wild statements about her kids being feral, her being "the fun parent" and further misogynistic nonsense is fine though.

I stand by it. He sounds like a horrible man.

Such a close call on the poll! This has made for a really interesting read and kept me busy each evening when I’ve inevitably spent it by myself! Thanks all

Is it ikos you’re at? If so I think the expectations of the children and the enjoyment factor will be very high because of the money you’ve spent.

I would stick to cheaper hols until they’re older.

It must be difficult working full-time and carrying most of the parenting load at home, and then having your DH turn around and behave like a spoilt third child, being aggressive and ruining everything.

At least you're actually doing some parenting, unlike him.