Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

It must be wonderful to have such absolute certainty about somebody else's motivations from some words they've written on a forum that don't in any way justify your hypothesis. It's a nice headspace to be in to have such belief in your own judgement, I kind of envy you.

Yes @Imdunfer it's my neuro diversity it's how it works for me.

If it was 1999 and someone said Jordan's died and his mum was called Jordan I could get it or like I said Elvis. But Judith. His mum is Judith she's ill nearly dead. Opposed to some random ancient television personality from a Monday night in the 1980s. Ye course.

This story doesn’t ring true at all. Judith Chalmers isn’t that well known for people to instantly know who you mean, so why the hell would you do this, especially when your MIL of the same name is critically ill and your DH happened to be in the same room?

It sounds too convenient and hard to believe it was an accident. No wonder he was absolutely fuming if it is true because it sounds like you did it deliberately.

What you’re suggesting sounds like sadism on the part of the OP, and thus would surely require a wholly different diagnosis...🧐

Again - do you also believe the OP requires a totally different diagnosis?

Not everyone is you, though. You may have similar conditions but you are still individuals. Maybe you can share what worked for you with the OP to see if it works for her. It may not work for her, but that would be a far more decent approach than some of the responses on here ☺️

Nobody would just call her "Judith", especially as she dropped out of the limelight 30 odd years ago. I expect the DH is pig sick of the OP's general behaviour.

I don’t know. Loads of people have ADHD and don’t do this kind of thing. It wouldn’t even cross people’s minds to refer to Judith Chalmers as just Judith. If Tom Cruise died and I said to someone, ‘’Tom’s dead!’’ They’d have to clarify who Tom was because I hadn’t given a surname.

It’s odd behaviour to just refer to someone with only a first name like that unless it’s a stage name or their name is unusual enough to be recognisable, especially in earshot of your spouse when your unwell MIL shares that name. I’m not buying it.

This thread is a bit mad. And also just a tad insensitive to Judith Chalmers's family and loved ones.

insensitive and hurtful?

HE was earwigging a conversation that had sweet FA to do with him.

OP was talking to their sister. OP should be able to have have private conversations with whoever the hell they like without their DH getting angry at them. OP prefaced their post with their ADHD to explain how they sometimes blurt out without thinking. But this isn’t blurting anything out at him, this isn’t about OP not thinking per se. It’s about him listening to something he shouldn’t have been, being upset about it then having a massive overreaction and blaming OP.

OP has already apologised - the right thing to do. But the comments he has since made to OP and the overreaction at OP is not okay. He is allowed to be upset with what is happening (his mum is unwell and in HDU), he is not allowed to take that out on the OP. Which is what he is doing here.

Earwigging? He was in the same room as her. How do you turn your ears off?!

Op this is blown out of all proportion you made an innocent mistake !!

Are you ND? Because if not how you do things and process language is irrelevant.

Well I didn't know Judith Chalmers is dead, so that's sad.
Your DH has overreacted.

But her sister didn't. Her sister thought she meant the mil

Knowing Judith is his DM name and she is currently critically ill I can completely understand his reaction. It was a stupid thing to do and no he hasn’t over reacted he honestly believed for a second his DM had died as would anyone in this situation, you might not like his reaction but it’s justified considering the circumstances

Ozzy v Judith no please hands up I'm a bit picker but if someone said Judith to me I would have thought the woman who won who wants to be a millionaire and then went on Eggheads.
Ozzy now maybe if it was the 1980s and I was a Tottenham fan ? But that is just not comparable.

And while posters have said this thread is disrespectful to Judith Chalmers' family it is also disrespectful to OP's boyfriend's family and boyfriend. I can't imagine he would feel any better towards OP after reading this because she is the one who has tried to turn the whole thing into a bit of a joke. Refusing to see anything but her excuse for doing it.

@Blades2 "She knew her sister would know exactly who she was talking about."

But the sister didn't apparently. I mean, the chances of her sister instantly thinking it was Judith Chalmers (a reasonable minor celebrity who dropped off the circuit 36 years ago) is vaguely ridiculous. Unless of course they talked about Judith Chalmers day in, day out and had their walls adorned with posters of her.

I went back to check the OP's posts to see exactly what she said.

She didn't actually say her mother-in-law is critically ill. She said she had been very unwell for quite a long period, and is an HDU.

But so many previous posters have assumed she is actually at death's door. She may be (in real life), but - we don't know. We don't have very much to go on. And yet so many people have jumped to huge assumptions on the basis of very little.

Absolutely this. So many posters commenting from their own point of view without understanding or accounting for ND.

Mine may be a ‘funny’ username, but based on your attitude, yours is entirely appropriate.

This absolutely is you blaming OP. Not least because you’ve completely overlooked that she’s sought the help she needs and is soon starting medication.

Not patronising anyone, just pointing out a nasty propensity for seeking out the worst in people to the point of disbelieving everything they say. If you don’t have ADHD you clearly don’t know what you’re talking about. If you do, then words fail me.

I would agree with that in relation to the ADHD as well, and what part that actually played here. OP has distanced herself from the idea of a strong causal link between ADHD and her comment, but that hasn’t stopped a number of posters asserting with absolute certainty that she only blurted out the comment because of ADHD.

I think it’s good you went back to her posts. I did too. I wish more posters would.

ND is mostly worthless as an everyday term, just used by people as a catch all "I'm different so don't have to be the same as everyone" excuse.

And nt doesnt realistically exist as people act like it does. Every human on the planet is vastly different in every single area of perception, personality, reaction, processing, and everything. There's as much and even more difference between all nt, as there is between nd and nt in a lot of cases. Because they aren't really meant to he used this way, so it breaks doen when blindly used by anyone with any condition. They were general labels just for ease of classification, that have been co-opted into something else.