Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

He is right to be upset, you were tactless

I can imagine the initial shock and for a while afterwards being a little shell shocked still. I've had it with my son where you have that moment of thinking something horrible has happened and it does affect you afterwards.

But there is absolutely nothing to be angry about. You didn't play a prank on him. He listened in on a conversation you were having and got the wrong end of the stick, you immediately clarified it for him. He's massively over reacting and honestly this level of reaction over such a small misunderstanding (I won't even say mistake, as you didn't make a mistake, he misunderstood what he overheard, what you said was true and accurate." This is abusive, this is punishing you for speaking.

It is really weird you just said "Judith's dead" and your sister immediately thought "oh, she means Chalmers". Is Judith Chalmers like Madonna for you and known by just one name?

Huh? It sounds like he was in the same room, he could hardly have helped overhearing.

I think that was my incredibly crass and if I were your dh I’d be very very upset with you. Nobody just calls Judith Chalmers “judith” out of the blue like that (and trust me, also texted ages friends about it, I was sad about it too), but come on, that should could not have been the Judith at the top of your mind when your MiL is critically ill. You need to apologise profusely.

He just keeps saying I never think before I speak and that I’m a million miles an hour which is true. I don’t mean adhd is an excuse I’m just saying it’s a reason why I am a certain way and I fully know that I upset him and should have thought but it’s so hard in that split second it wasn’t meant to hurt anyone

Why was he listening?

This sounds like the proverbial straw

his mum is in an HDU

you seem to expect him to cut you a lot of slack - maybe you need to return the favour this time and recognise he might be overreacting but he’s going through a really tough time and clearly doesn’t feel very supported

I also agree with this.

If you said "Kylie's dead" or something, most people would think of the popstar.

But Judith Chalmers is not a current celebrity and people never have used a mononym about her. It is pretty obvious in the context how he would take it.

Try to Think before you speak

I'm sorry but that is hilarious!

this.

OP hurt her husband very deeply. She did not intend to but that’s what happened.

Her having adhd doesn’t change anything either. It doesn’t lessen his hurt!

(I have adhd as well btw.)

If someone said to me "Judith is dead" I'd have no idea who they meant and I used to watch Judith Chalmers' programmes a lot.

I used to watch the Judith Chalmers stuff with my family when I was younger, but she was 90 years old and hadn't been on tv for a long long time and nobody had mentioned her for years and years, there's no way anyone would say 'Judith's dead' and expect people to know who you mean. I don't believe this thread is real, sorry.

He is overreacting, it was a split second misunderstanding and wasn't malicious. An apology should be enough.

I once absentmindedly text my partner- whilst nearly at full term pregnancy something like 'Labour is awful'. I was talking about the political party. I got a panicked phone call from my husband. But we laughed about it after.

I think his anger at you is likely just his worry from his mum coming out at you.

he was in the same room

Come on!
Surely your sister would think ‘omg your mother in law’ before some old TV personality

It sounds like there's more history to this.....
Imagine this from his perspective..

If you were in the same room as someone and they said your mum's name, who was already on your mind because she's seriously ill, it would grt your attention regardless of whether you were actively listening to the conversation.

She said she was confused for a second till she had a notification she did say ‘ffs you shouldnt have done that’

maybe. But if your mother (daughter, sister) named Kylie was in and out of the hospital and your DH suddenly said “Kylie is dead.”? What would you think?

oh, he’s clearly talking about Kylie Kardashian.

OR

my daughter passed away.

Yes I do it a lot I just speak before thinking. I’m meant to be starting medication soon which I’m hoping will help as I’m definitely the one at fault I know that

My dd has adhd and we’ve spent a lot of time on ‘think before you speak’ because she’s a blurter.

you clearly do it a lot and think it’s ok because you have adhd. Well it’s not and you need to work on it. Maybe this could be a wake up call

He’s already having a tough time and you obviously really shocked him with that comment. You should be apologising for accidentally upsetting him rather than saying “it’s my ADHD, get over it”.

Yes definitely I feel really awful