MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

[Sophiehoney]

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

How bad is the burn? Did she reapply but it got washed off in the paddling pool?

If your child is in pain then your mil feelings take second place. Send the message.

No do not what's app her a picture. Thats passive aggressive and bloody awful.

If you want to say something do it face to face.

And buy dc a rash vest and long shorts

And to add I find the long sleeve SPF 50 swimsuits a lifesaver for this as my kids are fair but love the water and the sunscreen never seems to that waterproof!

Why does dh care more about his mums feelings than his daughters pain and skin damage

I personally would have sent my children wearing a rash vest, especially if I wasn't there to supervise reapplying sunscreen.

How many grandchildren was MIL caring for, and how many of their parents were there?

I hope your DD recovers well and that lessons are learnt by the adults.

The pass-agg message is an awful idea.

Can’t you or your DH just have a grown up conversation with her?

I think it's fine to send a message saying DD had a great time but maybe MIL didn't realise that the suncream needed reapplying after being in the paddling pool and that she is now burnt.
I think the suggestion of one of those all in one suits is a good idea for future visits.

That's why you need to reapply.

I don't think you should send a photo no, but your DH should mention it when he next speaks to her, it doesnt have to be mentioned in an accusatory way.

And next time, make sure you send your DC in fully protective stuff and make a point of ensuring suncream/shade/clothing is used.

Realistically, how bad is the sunburn?

I'd be miffed, but if it was mild I'd not say anything, especially not in text as tone doesn't come across well.

Next time she has her your partner can just nicely say please make sure she is topped up with sunscreen after the pool as she came home burnt last time

Awful but in our house this would be something for DH to sort. Did MIL mention it when you picked up? Or maybe wasn’t visible.

I would be furious - there's no excuse these days. Your MIL has caused permanent damage to your DD's skin and increased her chances of getting skin cancer.

Send the photo.

rash vest.

Sun cream comes off very very quickly in water. Not everyone is aware of that.

Exactly some people have no idea on how to navigate people. Speak face to face.

Wet lettuce mummy's boy plus passive agressive behaviour aren't a great example for your daughter. Next time you see her, calmly and clearly tell her that it's essential for your daughter to be protected from the sun.

Agree with PP - the solution here is long sleeved sun safe swimming tops. Sunscreen when you are in and out of water all day won’t necessarily be effective, and lots of people don’t use enough, it can be hard to put on a already wet wriggly 5 year old, and if it’s been in the cupboard since last summer it may have lost its effectiveness anyway. It’s too chancy. (I speak as an Aussie and that’s what kids there always wear now. And lots of adults too for that matter.)

I’d be so upset! But I wouldn’t do the photo and message. I’d wait until she asks after DC and say she’s grumpy because the sunburn is so bad she can’t sleep. Which is likely.

I’m really sorry. DS burned aged about nine, on a school trip. The girls all applied each other’s and were fine. The two fair skinned boys were burnt to a crisp. They put cream on their own faces and forearms but not their backs and shoulders.

She maybe thought the suncream was waterproof. Possibly did reapply it, just not often enough. Sorry your wee girl is burnt but im sure your mil would be horrified at that. Back of and just make sure you have all the protection on her and tell mil how often to apply it next time.

DD does have one of those all in one, long sleeved costumes, but the plan changed, they were going to go for a walk in shaded woodland but she decided to just let them all play in her garden in the paddling pool instead. We hadn't packed a swimsuit for DD as we didn't know, so MIL just let her go on in her knickers.

With so much sunburn your DD may end up with heatstroke, my DD gets burnt very easily, once she came home from MILs with blistered ears so I had to teach her how to do them herself, to start with her ears first. MIL wouldn't have done it maliciously but she dropped the ball here and she needs to know to be more careful.

If people are genuinely not aware of that then they must have been living under a rock for the past several decades.

Mil obviously didn't realise the implications of not being on top of sun protection. She would not have wanted to hurt dd. She does need to realise.

I would say thank you today then tomorrow let her know dd has been burned.

There's a way to communicate with people and that is not it. She didn't purposely let her get burnt and so there's no need to be go about it so rudely

I always used the once a day sunscreen on my children and they never got sunburnt.