MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

[Sophiehoney]

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

And when have men been the default parent that researched UV factors, bought and applied sunscreen for their children? More likely he just wants an easy life and ignoring your sunburnt 5yr old is easier than telling his mum she dropped the ball.

I would remind her when you see her next. And explain that she did get burnt.

I can’t beleive how agrressive posters are being.

Factor 50 rash vest

Yanbu to remind her, the safety of your child comes before her feelings.

She has increased your daughter's risk of skin cancer later in life. Wittering on about some prople using sun beds doesn't change that. I would be raging and I'd be telling your MIL exactly what I thought of her level of care. Your husband is a very weak man to think his mother's behaviour is acceptable. She would never again be left in sole charge of your daughter.

I live in a country where people die of skin cancer. I have had skin cancers removed round my hairline - should have worn a hat more - where a dermatologist with pathology training cuts and checks margins and keeps cutting till they have clear margins. When I was a child the risks weren't understood. The wound is not closed till they have got clear margins and the whole thing takes hours. The scar will be much longer than the original cancer because you can't close a circle neatly so at absolute best you will have a longish scar for a small spot. It is very expensive specialized skin sparing surgery meant to ensure the cancer is gone and to minimise scarring. A specialist will take the time to work out how to make the scar as unobtrusive as possible . Alternatively, you could have a senior medical student practising on you - my son was set to work chopping out skin cancers though as he cheerfully informed me he wasn't doing faces. That's for a basal cell carcinoma and the treatment for a melanoma is mich more aggessive. Every six months I go and take off my clothes in front of a dermatologist who checks me all over for skin cancers. It is a big deal for us.

It's to hot surely for her to be out in the sunshine for an extended period of time, even with lots of suncream. It can only offer protection for so long. She should of put her in sleeves with a hat etc or in the shade. The rays reflect off the water too I believe. I would tell her, or she isn't going to know. I hope your daughter isn't too uncomfortable.

I wouldn't send a photo, but I would ensure that DD had her long-sleeve swimsuit in her bag every time she went to mils, and tell mil to please put it in her if she's going to be outside/in the paddling pool in the sun.

Please get Aloa Vera gel from Tesco, or a local pharmacy . Cover your DD with it, apply several times a day - the skin absorbs it fast.
It saved my DC’s very fair skin when he spent an afternoon in friend’s garden, frolicking around with water, and took his rash west off!

P50. It's the only way to make sure your kid has all day protection.

Agree!

I am confused as the OP said her DD was in her swimming costume. Then later, OP thought she would be walking in the woods but MIL changed plans and let DD in the paddling pool in her pants as there was no swimming costume. Which was it?

I suspect OP had at least an inkling about the pool, and that packing the rash vest/UV suit was forgotten by the parents. Not solely down to OP, but her DH too.

What a shame , I hope your little one feels ok ?
Is she particularly fair skinned?
You could mention it next time MIL wants to have the children that she maybe ought to check how long she has had the sunscreen as it could have expired or not be a high SPF and remind her that your little one can’t be in the sun for too long .
My children loved playing in water / swimming and we lived in a hot sunny country when they were young.
They never ever got sunburn ( I’d Say we are all Fitzpatrick skin type 2 ) but then again there was always shade , we would never spend all day outdoors and we reapplied sunscreen regularly .

Facts aren't aggressive. What a strange viewpoint.

Im not going to vote as I would need to see how sun burnt your DD actually is. I suspect you are being OTT theres no mention of you having other concerns with your MIL so it was a genuine accident rather than MIL "letting DD get sun burnt".

I think the question is how sure are you that it would never happen to you? I know my daughter’s been sunburnt before on my watch and that was with reapplying cream regularly so I wouldn’t be over the top about it. I’d mention that she has sunburn so next time make her sit in the shade more on a hot day. 🤷‍♀️

This, great idea.

Tell MIL about SKIN CANCER - this could occur for your DD in 30 - 40 years time or sooner as a result of this sun burn. Very bad and dangerous. Do you not know about skin cancer? People die from certain skin cancers.

Your DH should call her, tell her that her grandchild has a sunburn bad enough to be in pain and that she should please be more diligent next time.

NOT to make her feel bad or shame her but to prevent a repeat. Sun damage is no joke so I would want to tell her that she (clearly) wasn’t careful enough!

You sent a child to someone else house knowing they’d be in paddling pool all day on the first day of a heatwave.

suncream was never going to be enough. You should have sent a UV cover up top to be worn at all times when outside and a y shirt to be changed into if she didn’t want the top on outside of the pool.

sensing a what’s app message to MIL isn’t kind. I doubt she deliberately got your DD burned.

I'm guessing very few children get hurt under their parents' supervision, given how extreme some responses are.

This is just such a simple conversation to have with your MIL, who I'm almost sure will feel terrible about this.

She needs telling
Send the pic
DH is making excuses negligent behaviour

So far my children have never burnt and my oldest is 17.

I’d leave it. Next time the sun is out and she looks after them I’d just say X had sunburn last time, I’ve just applied sunscreen but can you reapply, thanks. Whatever you do, do not send a picture.

I agree.

Any pictures will obviously cause bad feeling.

It isn't ok op, I'd be cheesed off but for the sake of family relationships I'd let it go and as pp says use p20/spf 50 next time. Lasts all day and is water resistant.