MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

[Sophiehoney]

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

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I assume you knew it was going to be paddling pool weather and sent the swimming costume for her to wear? No shoulder or back coverage so not fair on MIL really, to avoid sunburn she wouldve had to call her out of the pool every hour, cover her in cream and keep her out of the pool while it dried. I think so many good parents grandparents get caught out as time flies and kids are in and out of the pool etc. Also it often doesnt become visible until the evening so iIm sure she would be upset. My mother wouldnt dream of looking after my kids let alone setting up a pool!
Buy a rash vest or a full suit inc hat with neck coverage, one sulk at the beginning of the day telling them they have to wear ot or no pool is much easier than a sulk on the hour every hour!

No, she didn’t, her dd has a long sleeve swimsuit but the mil said the plans were a walk in the woods so op didn’t pack her swimsuit. The mil fucked up.

No that’s not true at all and you only have to read the ops 3 posts to be really clear on this, she says ‘DD does have one of those all in one, long sleeved costumes, but the plan changed, they were going to go for a walk in shaded woodland but she decided to just let them all play in her garden in the paddling pool instead. We hadn't packed a swimsuit for DD as we didn't know, so MIL just let her go on in her knickers.’

i would be very careful of letting mil look after dd in hot weather again and dh would know exactly where I stand on this. There is no way we couldn’t let her know dd was quite burnt, dh would have to call and say so. ‘Thanks mum but for the future you need to be aware dd is quite fair, and being outside without hat and long sleeves and regular sun cream application means she’s really burnt, and uncomfortable.

My mum “doesn’t believe in suncream” (she’s olive skinned and doesn’t really burn). She is also of the generation that would be sent out to burn and peel to “toughen their skin up”. Ive informed her a few times that her generation has the highest rates of skin cancer and she didn’t really have any response. And I’ve repeatedly told her to apply it to my pale skinned children as they don’t have capacity to consent to the risks of getting sunburnt and she does apply it now. I think your husband should just have a conversation with her and if she’s a reasonable person she will be fine with it.

I don’t get what’s funny? You’re the one saying it’s not hot in Devon with no clue that it’s not heat that burns and that people aren’t all in Devon wearing a jumper

I often burnet as a child but was never " sickly". Can't see the connection

What will happen then? I was under 10 the times I got sunburnt. I'm now 54r so well over the 20 years I'm " paying the price"

Well my my mum is dead, and my dad is a crinkly old sunworshipper who thinks have a tan is healthy. So no, they don’t use sunscreen. Dad would be more likely to lather himself in oil.

She means unwell right now with the burn not generally a sickly child. The skin is the largest organ in the body and currently a significant portion of it is damaged, it’s not just superficial. People can feel feverish and unwell as their body works to heal the widespread damage.

I think you should speak to her once it isn’t so fresh. Waiting won’t change the result.

I am someone who burns very easily and when dd was little we weren’t sure where she would land skin wise so we followed my protocols for her. We were very explicit with anyone who watched her what those were and what suncream we wanted used.

For next time, specify the products you want used, the frequency, and even the amount to apply. Most people don’t use enough. Proper application is fairly thick.

rash guards can help, but they don’t cover head to toe.

the message should be straightforward and direct. ‘She’s badly sunburnt, did you re- apply the cream?’

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what’s funny is you!!
obviously it’s not the heat that burns!!
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The problem you have is your husband and you have different ideas about which position should take predominant authority over guidance of your actions going forward. He wants his mother to be more comfortable so she sees your daughter more. You want her to not be sunburned which is wholly reasonable as bad sunburns in childhood can be the later seed for skin cancers.

Your husband has a first priority duty to your daughter over his mother. He must be the parent who takes responsibility for protecting her from his own mother's unintentional neglect. He has to set the rules. He has to follow up mid-visit with a phone call asking if the sun block has been reapplied. He owes his daughter that much. It's negligible.

Most importantly, he has to take full responsibility for wanting his daughter protected with his mother and never mention you. It has to come solely and wholly from him as a directive as her father. As a man and a father he needs to fix this. She is only 5, she doesn't deserve skin cancer.

You should try to explain to MIL how serious this is. Maybe suggest that in terms of health that it is exactly like her giving her grandchild a cigarette. It may help give her perspective

This!

Its worth letting her know about the sunburn so she is more careful next time and so she knows that whatever she did did not work. However you cannot assume she didnt bother with suncream. Suncreams wash off in water even water resistant ones and also they are only effective for so long. She may have reapplied but it washed off again if there was lots of splashing etc. So do raise it but go easy. Its happened to us all

Sending a photo, no too much unless MIL somehow denies it or something. She will probably feel absolutely awful.

Here's the thing, its important she knows that it has happened and that way she'll be so vigilant going forwards it wont happen again.
Have her cousins got sunburn? Id be checking with their parents.

Id probably go down 2 routes. 1 would be 'hey mum, thanks for habing the kids today. Please can I check which suncream you used? DD has come home with sunburn and I'm wondering if the cream you used was out of date (they only last for a year) or not water resistant?'
Phrased like a question of concern and mentioning sunburn without laying on the guilt. Or I'd try something like 'hey mum, thanks for having the kids we really appreciate it. DD has come home with sunburn and i think its probably because she didnt have her swim suit - they have UV protection in these days! Please can we ask she doesnt go in the pool without it going forwards as we dont want her skin to suffer x'

Notice they both say mum and your DH needs to do it!

FFS! How clueless! Have you never heard of melanoma? Are you even aware that it can be fatal? One incidence of sunburn in childhood is all it takes to increase the risk! It happened to me at the age of 33. My DC were born in the late 90s/early 2000s and never burnt once. That was before I had a melanoma diagnosis. Awareness is even greater now so no, we don’t all get a bit of sunburn especially not children! 🙄