MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

[Sophiehoney]

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

Nominee for the most stupid comment of the year.

My next big birthday is 60 no kids of my own. I am quite dark anyway and used to fry in the 80’s.
Other half’s youngest grandkids are very fair. If they come here I am fully stocked - factor 50, huge umbrella, if it is this weather and there is water involved there is suitable attire and I cajole them out.
One day of hot weather and MIL has put a young child in a paddling pool in knickers and let her burn? I would expect more than a message.
Your DH is being a nob as well.

Most five year olds will still need to be reminded they don’t realise it’s been 2 hours or so and should reapply.

Applying it herself ok but granny should be reminding and helping not just given zero responsibility. After all one is an adult and one is a child.

I still need to be reminded - I set an alarm because I don't notice the time when I'm having fun

Exactly. I run a lot of my life via alarms.

I can’t imagine just giving a 5 year a bottle of suncream and being like your skin your problem get on with it.

I mean why stop at suncream.

Frying chips
Swimming
Using knives
Crossing roads

Crack on

I'd be furious.

She needs to be aware so she will take you more seriously next time. She didn't do it on purpose, but she wasn't responsible enough. It's negligence on her part. Sorry, but it is. Taking care of a child is about more than just giving them a good time.

It's a shame that your DH cares more about hurting his mother's feelings than his daughter's physical well being.

Just give her the keys to the car and a credit card let her live her best life 🤣

Yes this.

This is an absolute hard no from me. You CANNOT let children get burnt. Any sunburn under the age of 16 is particularly harmful.

I know I’m extreme on this but my kids have full length swimmers (rash vest etc) and wide-brimmed hats. These are non-negotiable and tbh seeing their Grandpa with an entirely scabbed and blistered face from skin cancer has certainly reduced resistance.

I would definitely be sharing that she’s sunburnt, that it is can never happen again and then I’d make a plan to ensure it NEVER happens again. MIL’s potentially hurt feelings don’t trump the risk to your daughter. You can approach it gently but it has to be firmly. “This has happened, it is unfortunate, it can’t happen again. Let’s get a system in place” no paddling in undies, always a hat, reapply sun screen and also must be out of the sun in the real heat of the day. Your husband needs to wise up! His responsibility is to his daughter not his mother.

MIL’s potentially hurt feelings don’t trump the risk to your daughter.

And this. Where do you stop if you put MIL feelings above the risk to your daughter?

Send the message. But also, buy sun safe swimsuits in future, with a collar and sleeves to minimise sun exposure even when sun cream gets forgotten. Save the swimsuit for inside swimming.

What in particular did you find stupid? The concept of teaching children independence and responsibility from a young age? You're certainly free to raise your children as you wish, but there's no need to be rude about other approaches.

WHAT?! So she was basically naked with her skin exposed all day?
I actually think you and your husband should be more worried about your daughter and should take her to an out of hours clinic to be checked out.
her skin will have retained the heat and the damage could be getting worse. Especially if she’s in pain.

dont send a message to say ‘thanks for today’ because even if you genuinely mostly mean it, it comes across as hugely passive aggressive.
just send her a picture and say DD is really badly burnt and in pain, was the suncream she used in date? DD needs to be in a full sleeved swim suit and regularly topped up with suncream in any future garden paddling pool activities.

the date question semi gives MIL an out, but makes the point that she’s been really negligent and needs to be aware for future reference.

her feelings are not your concern.

This. Sending a picture with a passive aggressive message is just a bit wanky and unnecessary.

eta but I do understand your upset, I’d be pretty pissed off too.

Could it be that if MIL said she had plenty of suncream that it's not a new bottle and wasn't as effective as it should have been?

Do you know for sure that she definitely didn't top her up?

Yeah. This is annoying.
I think your husband needs to let his mum know. You did as much as you could from your side.
Sunburn can be incredibly painful. It’s lovely she had a good day, but she needs to know that your child was sunburned so it doesn’t happen again.
your husband can figure out the best way to tell her.

I think about it if I was looking after my niece/nephew and they got burnt. I would want to know, so it didn’t do it again.

Sunburn for children is so damaging, I would absolutely send her a message saying she got burnt and it essential to keep on top of suncream. You can still be grateful for the childcare and unhappy that she hasn’t cared for her properly and allowed her to get burnt

I wouldn't send her a message but I would never let her in charge of the child again.

You don't get so badly sunburned in such a short time! She was in the full sun at the worst time, with no protection, or nowhere near enough. That's a no for me. Poor kid.

MIL is allowed to be casual about these things, but I wouldn't let my child without my supervision.

Do not send that message. It needs to be a face to face conversation in the first instance. I take sun protection really seriously and it’s for that reason I’d want a face to face.

Not because I’d be dramatic but because I would want to be sure that I had made my concerns/wishes around it really clear.

Skin damage is very bad at any age. I'm quite old now but my back has large black raised moles from sun damage when I was young (there wasn't any type of sun cream then). Please make sure all the children have at least a top on (even a very thin one) and ask for the paddling pool to be kept in the shade all of the time for everyone's good. It's a good idea for everyone to have the sun cream available all the time, i.e. on the table. Teach your young ones how to put it on: It's fun to have it on your face, arms, legs really thick.

I would mention that she needs to top up sunscreen especially on the back of the neck and shoulders, there is nothing fun above sunburn, it’s very painful.
She should have known better.

What ridiculous logic (or lack of) is this? We all burned to a crisp and idiots pay to get burned to a crisp in salons, so your daughter can too?

ETA I would be pissed off and something should be said. It’s irrelevant that she may or may not have known that suncream should be reapplied (but agree with a PP that would have had to live under a rock in recent years to miss that memo) but she’s damaged your daughter’s skin.

No excuses is there really? The basic care of dc when it's sunny. Apply suncream.
What other basics doesn't she do? I'd be livid. And dh needs to be tending to dc if he won't call his dm out he can deal with her consequences.. When he realises how poorly dd is he might just send a message to her himself..

I can't use the once a day sunscreen, DD is allergic to all but one. She has rash vest/shorts when we're outside the UK and, depending on the weather here too. If we're in the shade then occasionally regular costume/pants. I'm picking up a paddling pool tomorrow, it's rash vest or not going in as I haven't got a parasol yet! XH would be speaking to XMIL or I would. I'd speak to my own mum but would be amazed if it happened for either of them.