‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

[birdsinginthemorning]

That’s what a good friend just messaged to me.

I am (only semi seriously) wondering if I am in the wrong relationship.

DH has announced he’s working from home most of next week, only going into the office on Wednesday.

I am a teacher so I’m off next week for half term. I am now dreading it 😩

It’s really hard to put my finger on what it is. I hate having to be conscious of noise. I don’t even think we’re all that noisy but it’s that awareness. I also kind of feel watched, even though I know I’m not, it’s that feeling.

The children are only young so while they do sort of understand ‘daddy’s working’ it’s still hard for them to really get it.

We do have a lot planned and we’re out for the whole days Mondays & Fridays as they are his ‘usual’ wfh days. But the rest of the week we’re out for the morning and I don’t really want to have them on a carousel of activities all week.

Is it just me?

And it makes no difference where in the house he is, whether he wears noise cancelling headphones or not, it really is just that I don’t like him working from home. I can sort of tolerate it a couple of times a week but I genuinely think I would be quite depressed if it was every day.

@LittleBearPad Tbh I'd personally rather be working for at least some of the holidays as 13 weeks is a lot of time with no pay.

I wfh full time and hope DH doesn’t resent me! I don’t make anyone be quiet though

What on earth are you going on about?

My holiday is paid. My husband's holiday is paid. When the children were younger we would take three weeks together.

We then took two weeks separately to maximise the school holiday cover. I.e. 7 weeks of half terms and holidays were covered. The other 6 weeks needed childcare.

This is very typical for people with young children. They don’t take holiday outside school holidays, 1, because they like their children and want to see them and 2, to reduce the cost of holiday childcare.

@LittleBearPad Exactly. I am saying your holiday is paid - not all of us have that benefit.
I also have a young child..
Do you ever have time apart from your children (when not at work) at all?

I didn’t take annual leave when my children were small except in school holidays with the exception of a couple of days when I was 40, no.

I still use the vast majority of my annual leave for school holidays - so perhaps one day off outside of school holidays now. My husband does the same.

You have chosen to become a (presumably) self employed tutor otherwise you’d also get holiday pay. The upside is you get to take term time holiday. The downside is you don’t get paid - your choice.

@LittleBearPad I think it's very important to find some time in a marriage for each other without children. It's actually doing your family a favour if you think about it.

You’re very funny - you’ve developed quite the story about me haven’t you?

Take time off when you like - given you don’t get paid and thought it possible to take 13 weeks I imagine you can take as much as you like.

Most people don’t have that opportunity, like their children and so use their annual leave in school holidays.

@LittleBearPad Most people equally value their marriage. It's a real pity if you perceive child-free time with your husband as "not liking" your children.

I literally could’ve written this myself! Since Covid my husband who owns his own business has worked from home probably 90% of the time and much as I love him, I absolutely hate this! We are fortunate enough that he has an office in the house which he does stay in most of the day, but it’s the feeling of being watched and having to explain every time I pop out where I’m going or feeling I can’t do the housework because I’m making too much noise. And just the feeling of the dynamics being different in the house when I am not alone. I love my own company and enjoy the peace and quiet of having the house to myself.