‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

[birdsinginthemorning]

That’s what a good friend just messaged to me.

I am (only semi seriously) wondering if I am in the wrong relationship.

DH has announced he’s working from home most of next week, only going into the office on Wednesday.

I am a teacher so I’m off next week for half term. I am now dreading it 😩

It’s really hard to put my finger on what it is. I hate having to be conscious of noise. I don’t even think we’re all that noisy but it’s that awareness. I also kind of feel watched, even though I know I’m not, it’s that feeling.

The children are only young so while they do sort of understand ‘daddy’s working’ it’s still hard for them to really get it.

We do have a lot planned and we’re out for the whole days Mondays & Fridays as they are his ‘usual’ wfh days. But the rest of the week we’re out for the morning and I don’t really want to have them on a carousel of activities all week.

Is it just me?

And it makes no difference where in the house he is, whether he wears noise cancelling headphones or not, it really is just that I don’t like him working from home. I can sort of tolerate it a couple of times a week but I genuinely think I would be quite depressed if it was every day.

I don't like it when my DH works from home too often. He has a study upstairs but has also commandeered a room downstairs for his PC, laptop and work papers which he leaves in a HUGE mess over the desk - literally, pens scattered all over the desk, bits of paper, the odd cornflake, tissues, etc. Drives me nuts. When he takes a few minutes off, I am subjected to junk from You Tube - all the while I am sitting in front of my PC in the kitchen, doing quiet things so as not to disturb him. I dread him retiring!

Self employed? Freelance? Work different hours? Work different days? Part time? Kids are old enough to work largely independently? Not hard to imagine.

Suspect you just want to find out they're "doing it in work hoooouurrrs" tho and slag off home edders as MN really hates us.

This really.

He’s got the option to be in an office.

He can’t then complain you’re not treating your home like an office in half term!

Couldn’t he choose literally any other week to pull this?

DH worked from home for a while after Covid, I'm retired, it was like some sort of hell, he used the spare room but I could hear the calls through the door and the day was somewhat regimented. I was glad when he retired as well and pursued his hobbies in between us doing stuff together

I quite like DH wfh but it does annoy me that he'll come out to get a coffee whatever, 3 year old will ask for something and he'll be like "no I can't sorry, I'm not actually here." Stay in your fucking office then and go without your coffee instead of disrupting us!

Meh, nine times out of ten they'd be right.

Exactly this !!!

Given the OP has said several times that he has never made any complaint whatsoever about noise, I would definitely take the advice of the posters who say you should aggressively tell him that he mustn’t complain, whilst turning the tv up and being as loud as possible.

I suspect a lot of people who hate their husbands WFH are just cross that they can’t pretend to have been stressed and super busy all day when they’ve really just been having leisurely baths and watching Homes Under the Hammer.

I'm retired, why would I have wanted to look busy, I can watch telly all day if I want.

I get your points but at the same time I find my dh working from home handy like if my older dc is sick he can go collect him while I’m miles away at the office and that sort of thing . I mean with older dc you can still get work done from home in an emergency and throw on a cartoon for something , it’s not ideal I know but it’s great to have a little flexibility. Like 2 teachers for example would have zero flexibility.

Did you have quite authoritarian parents?
it sounds like your inner voice is sort of hyper sensitive to being watched or heard.

the way through this is lots of self reassurance that you’re ‘allowed’ to be yourself.

For the same reason you take days off in half term - to spend time with his children?

Doesn't need to be every half term, same as I don't take every half term off but it's a bit sad that it's incomprehensible to you that a father might take some time off in half term

Totally, I’m often grateful I didn’t marry another teacher.

I do think it’s something you either get or you don’t, it isn’t ‘odd’, just probably depends on your personality and your daily life. A lot of people do get it which I’m grateful for!

It's not incomprehensible and I'm definitely not 'sad' it just seems a waste. I'm a teacher, like the OP, therefore I'm off. DH has far fewer days AL so it makes more sense to save them for hollidays and events.

A bit odd that you've been rude in your response then said that you aren't off every half term either.

Wow. Jealous much. That's pretty snarky and stereotyping.

Homes under the Hammer is fucking awful.

Besides why would you watch it when you have TV on demand at your finger tips? It's not the 2010s anymore.

Well that's your lack of ability to work out then.

😅 So dramatic. I’d lock him in the office.

I get you op. H works from home now nearly 100% and so I very rarely get the house to myself - and I really miss it. If he ever goes out on a work day, I rearrange my entire week so I can wfh on my own in the house!

Oh I do get it . It’s brilliant but at the same time irritating in some ways

Genuine question. How can you work and educate at the same time?

It’s not hypocritical as I don’t have an office to go to. My company is 100% wfh and we knew that when I took the job.

That said, it’s his house too so he is entitled to be here as much as he wants, as I said in a previous post.

I’ve never told him I don’t want him here as it would probably hurt his feelings and to be honest, most of the time he isn’t here. I think he thinks he’s doing me a favour wfh to give me some company. But I love having the house to myself.

Mine can’t ever work from home and I would feel exactly the same. Im generally against working from home and find it wierd having a parent trying to work whilst you’re in downtime mode. Even getting the kids out the door for days out, there will be noise of packing things up etc, it would really put me on edge (unless your DH is shut away somewhere he can’t hear a thing).

More sensible he goes to the office in Half-term if he’s working normal hours.

My DH starred a new job recently that's mostly remote with 3 days per month onsite. I much preferred when he had 3 office days per week if I'm honest. I feel like the DC are a lot more irritable/excitable when he's in the house and constantly want his attention whereas when he's not there they don't think about him. I normally try to take them out for at least the morning, and to be fair to DH if they're going to be at home all day because they or I am unwell or the weather's terrible he does go and work elsewhere for at least part of the day.

My DH works from home and I’m a teacher. I miss having days at home by myself when he’s at work. One very rainy summer holiday I binged watched Game of Thrones over a number of days without any interruptions or someone asking me what I was doing or why I was doing something. It was brilliant. I really wish he had to go back to the office full time!

My exH working from home was a big factor in our divorce. He became a recluse, i found it oppressive, i rarely had the house to myself, couldn't parent DD without him popping down and interfering. It was miserable. I would never live with someone who wfh full-time again.