‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

[birdsinginthemorning]

That’s what a good friend just messaged to me.

I am (only semi seriously) wondering if I am in the wrong relationship.

DH has announced he’s working from home most of next week, only going into the office on Wednesday.

I am a teacher so I’m off next week for half term. I am now dreading it 😩

It’s really hard to put my finger on what it is. I hate having to be conscious of noise. I don’t even think we’re all that noisy but it’s that awareness. I also kind of feel watched, even though I know I’m not, it’s that feeling.

The children are only young so while they do sort of understand ‘daddy’s working’ it’s still hard for them to really get it.

We do have a lot planned and we’re out for the whole days Mondays & Fridays as they are his ‘usual’ wfh days. But the rest of the week we’re out for the morning and I don’t really want to have them on a carousel of activities all week.

Is it just me?

And it makes no difference where in the house he is, whether he wears noise cancelling headphones or not, it really is just that I don’t like him working from home. I can sort of tolerate it a couple of times a week but I genuinely think I would be quite depressed if it was every day.

I love when my husband works from home. He helps with lunch. He pops out to chat to us, hold the baby, entertain toddler for 5 mins when he’s making a cuppa. It means he’s here an hour or more early to help with dinner and clear up and bath time. Can’t imagine being married to such a drain.

Not just you. I am always more relaxed when DH not wfh. He has noise cancelling headphones but when he's on calls we have to keep the noise down and he gets irritated if the washing machine beeps or someone comes to the door and I don't deal with it.

To clarify, he's shut away in his office working all day 8-7 ish and when he's free it's only for half an hour to gobble some lunch (which i have to make at the time that suits him) and doesn't do anything towards children or household between those hours because he's working. So he's not a 'drain', he just has a high pressure job. It would be great if he was free to chat and make meals but he just isn't.

You would not tolerate this kind of behaviour from an older child so why do you tolerate it from your husband instead of telling him how annoying he is?

I totally get enjoying being alone and having the house to myself.
But OP is home with the kids so it's a completely different situation.

OP - I wondered if he had chosen to WFH this week as a positive thing because you are around (not working) and he wanted a small part of that even if he still has to work. Sorry it sounds stressful! I am immediately thinking of that famous BBC interview where the kids interrupt it on live TV! At least that's ublikely to happen. I'm hoping the great weather will make things better for you and put everyone in a good mood. Sending positive vibes.

I was empathising with a fellow teacher who had their DH at home when it’s the holidays.
I just meant it’s easier to do your own thing in the school holidays when there’s no DH so the sentiment is the same even if the children situation is very different.

My husband worked shifts for over 30 years in the police force. The shifts consisted of alot of nightmare, so in bed during the day. He we had nowhere to go, they wouldn't do play in the house. My dh would tell me the only thing he could hear, was me, telling the kids to be quiet..😳

I understand and feel the same. I hate DH working from home when I’m home. Small house and he sits at the dining table in a mostly open plan downstairs. I feel I can’t get anything done and always on edge. DCs are older so not as much of a problem with noise. Unless the office is being refurbished, tell him he’s being unreasonable working from home and it makes your day more stressful.

I mean yes it is normal and yes lots of 'real' jobs can involve some working from home. Any job that requires admin can have some working from home days, even teachers can have some working from home, they teach in a classroom but may mark work, plan lessons etc from home. I deliver therapy and do assessments and psychometric testing in person with clients but I can write reports and session notes etc from home. That doesn't mean my job isn't real or normal. This guy obviously doesn't work full time from home. Personally alot of my inperson work is done with young people in their school so this week i'm working from home because I can't do that since schools are shut but I still have a lot of admin to do.

As a (now ex) primary teacher with a little one of my own I get it. Your "space" is rarely really your own.
People often say of teachers "Ah you're so lucky to get so much holiday" but... is it really a "holiday" when you are off looking after little ones of your own?
A lot of the time it just feels like you are swapping one role for another, and the reality is you don't get much quality break at all. Obviously you can't book off any time when your own children are at school because so are you.
If someone said to you "I'm a SAHM to x small children," who would reply "Ah you're so lucky to get so much holiday!"?
I now tutor after 20-something years in primary teaching and actually went on a proper adult-only holiday for a few days just gone with my husband...in term-time! First in my 45 years!! I had genuinely forgotten how to properly relax - felt so weird (but good!)

This is pertinent to me because my husband just today yelled at me because I was talking on the phone too loud to my friend and it was disturbing his work. Which, he plants himself in the middle of the house to work. He works very long hours and finds the commute really hard, so he loves to work from home, as it gives him an extra couple of hours of free time in his day. So I feel sympathy for him and I want him to have those free hours. But it bothers me that I can't talk to my friends on the phone in my own house.

I hate when Dh wfh too, it's a room out of bounds and I feel he might judge me for things I do on my day off, like watch tv and eat crisps when it's sunny outside. It's handy for deliveries or to get a wash hung out when I'm working. He hates when im home on his wfh day too, my presence annoys him. I'm off for the summer with kids and dh usually works in his workplace FT then. Our home isn't a work place, I know some people love it but for me once a week would be enough if not too much

I think this is such an odd way of looking at it. I get 25 days a year, all booked off in the school holidays when my children are off. To me it is holiday I am spending time with my kids.

All my 25 days of AL was taken in school holidays. It’s not only teachers who swap work for child care and get no holiday to themselves. It’s pretty much every working parent.

If my DH decides to WFH a day I am at home with the kids, I have no sympathy for him with noise or the kids interrupting him. He has chosen to WFH so therefore is free game to the children. I will obviously try to keep them away from the office but about as much as he tries to keep them downstairs when I am having a lie in.
I also don't change my plans to then be out of he is WFH. He knows what days I am out and in (thanks to the joint calendar) so could plan his WFH days when we are out.