Is a tidy ordered house really that important?

[Shokupanman]

I am a bit done today.

I heard today school mums have been gossiping about my house being a mess and saying I'm "a scruff." These are people I've welcomed into my home, and defended. People who I like and trust.

My mum has early onset dementia, my dad died when I was a child. I do have a sister who is amazing but she has her own family and challenges; we muddle through together to support my mum best we can. I have a 5 year old and an 8 year old, and a high pressured management job. I know my house could be more presentable but I do my best. It's messy but it's clean for the most part. I'm trying not be be but I'm SO hurt. I know my values are good and if someone else told me this story id say it doesn't matter but aibu to be so hurt? It's really upset me. My husband says forget it but I'm struggling. It's like the straw that's breaking the camel's back.

Not nice of them to gossip like this, some people latch together and become bitchy groups. Please know for me it I wouldn't care what your house looks like, maybe if it was in inches thick filth, full of dirty stuff, but yours isn't. Mess is fine, it's natural! Xx

Well , their comments would certainly inspire me to start decluttering immediately. Decluttering my ‘ friends’ … because the person who made sure that got to your ears , isn’t one .

I’m sitting at my kitchen table at the moment . It’s got my handbag , a huge glass vase of beautiful smelling stocks , a pile of cookery books that I’ve been thumbing through for inspiration for tomorrow’s lunch , a bag I bought from the farmers market , an open packet of rice crispies from the cakes I was ordered to make by my daughter , and the bottle of gin that didn’t make it back to the drinks cupboard last night . Plus a half finished Lego bouquet , and some gingerbread. Is it cluttered ? Yes . Does it look like a rare and welcome weekend off ? Absolutely. Would I care if people turned up right now ? Couldn’t give a shit . In fact , I’d probably re open the gin .

As long as the house isn’t an actual health hazard , who cares? And I say that as someone who has worked in the emergency services for over 30 years , and went to plenty of places where you wiped your feet on the way out .

These women clearly have nothing going on in their lives/brains. I couldn't even start to care about the idle gossip of anyone like this. Neither should you.

Carry on regardless. It's your home and your have a lot on your plate with your family and mum. Being tidy is the least of your worries.

Perhaps some of these judgemental women with time on their hands, could come around and help tidy your place up. Maybe couple of times a week.

Keep on trucking.
👍😻X

I've always believed that I go to people's home to visit them, not to inspect how they keep house.
Ignore the judgemental morons, they are not walking in your shoes. 💐

They are not friends are they?
We are all different, that’s what makes the world tick. Some of us are extremely tidy, some messy and the majority fit somewhere in between.
If they are going to judge, don’t let them into your home. It’s just not worth it

Your home sounds absolutely normal. You have a family and there are toys etc. It’s clean and tidied daily. You have a career. School mums behaving like toddlers shouldn’t bother you. You are worth more.

if these women are happy enough to let their children go to your house then your house can’t be that bad! or they have massive double standards. either way they sound like a bunch of horrors who should be avoided and definitely not invited round again.

Hi OP you sound like a very normal lady with a happy family, ignore what those stupid others say, enjoy your life happiness is more important. Keep smiling

I have 6 dogs and a house permanently covered in dog hair. People don’t like it? Don’t come. You are not my people anyway. Fuck them. Snobs

Or, it suggests that you have far too much time on your hands and are one of the snobs she is talking about

It equally doesn’t make you dim to have a messy lived in house

Always good to attack SAHMs when you get the chance - the irony.

I think (ironically) people have misunderstood the points about a correlation between tidy homes and being dim.

Of course it isn't dim to have a clean, tidy home. Nothing dim about getting someone to come in and clean it and equally keeping a house decent need not be a herculean task.

But what is a bit small-minded is when it turns into a preoccupation - and it becomes the sort of thing that you talk about at school gates, or, indeed, the people come on these threads to post "neighbour has piles of unwashed laundry in her utility room. AIBU to suspect MH issues?"

IME the sorts of people who bother to comment on other people's homes being messy tend to be the types who have very spartan homes devoid of much evidence of interests. That isn't to say you cannot have a lot of interests and education and a full life and still have a clean home; but to find yourself wanting to gossip about it moves it into a different category. And there ARE people who would turn down an invitation because they need to wax the wooden floors.

Honestly you’re doing 1000x better than me. I regularly worry about the state of my house but there are not enough hours in the day!

They're being incredibly shallow and thoughtless . Ignore.

The reason these judgy mums homes are tidier than yours OP, is because their kids are creating your mess! Stuff em

Honestly, these people are the ‘school gate brigade’ and definitely not friendship material so please do not let what they say get to you. You deserve much better than them.

Maybe no-one actually said that about your home at all. Person C could have made it up. I’d forget about it.