To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

[Laurennnworld]

This has happened twice now in recent relationships - the men I am with waiting many months to reveal ‘kinks’.

Now, I am not saying this should be revealed upfront on date 1, obviously not. But with my ex, he told me after 5 months. My current boyfriend, we are nearly 8 months in. He met my parents yesterday, we had a lovely afternoon with them and came back to mine to watch Eurovision. He then revealed something which he says he’d struggle to go without longer term. No judgement, but not really my thing. I could indulge it occasionally of course. But I wish he told me a few months ago when it would have been easier to cut things off.

Has anyone else experienced this? I am now in a conundrum.

Wow, how things have changed.

I am in my 50's and had a few boyfriends in my time, and was told I was wild in bed a few times. However, I never came across any men with kinks or wanting a big rubber dildo shoved up his back passage and told he was going to be punished.

OP, this is not the norm, no matter what anyone says these days. It is the actions of a man who has spent too much time watching porn and has a skewed reality.

"He said his longest term ex (3 years) had no issue with this at all". What he really means is - there is something wrong with YOU, because everyone else is OK with it. It is YOUR problem. Gaslighting, manipulative arsehole.

Glad you told him to go F himself (with a massive rubber penis and shout that he is a very bad boy whilst doing it).

Moving forward I would get to the tipping point of stay or still time to leave with a new guy and drop a few hints on "now we are at a month, I'd really like to know if you have any kinks or anything you want to tell me about. Let's get it all out in the open now". That way you can bring it to the surface and then deal with it earlier. Or, not sure if you can put on your profile that if you have any weird kinks, please don't bother contacting me.

I was going to say this. He knows that you aren’t up for this stuff and haven’t consented to hearing about it but he won’t leave you alone.

Oh FFS. At least you didn't stand for any of this nonsense. What a nasty thing to do. No means no! And that includes being contacted about this stuff.

I would find this very sinister to be honest with you. You’ve asked him not to contact you and he’s so determined to cross that boundary and do what he wants that he sent a letter because he couldn’t contact you by other means. That behaviour would ring stalker alarm bells loudly to me. He sounds like an absolute creep.

I bet he wasn’t lovely before this, I bet he love bombed you or something and you simply didn’t pick up on it before. You’ve dodged a bullet there, to say the very least, but now this weirdo is in your life and knows your address.

I think your other friend has missed the point a bit. The kink itself is one thing, his absolute nuts behaviours is much worse!

It’s homophobic.

Massive bullet dodged!

Its not at all but you feel how you feel

Happy pegging

I was also thinking this.

WHY has he gone into this level of detail? I’d log this letter with the police just in case something else happens.

Also- congratulations. You’ve successfully exited a complete nutter from your life.

Definitely keep the letter.
Hes a freak.

And women are supposed to be the insane ones.

You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged an entire arsenal of batshit narcissistic derangement cannonballs. What a fucking nutjob.

He says he had to tell you all this so he could forgive himself, well that's a big, fat lie right there, he wants to say he was the nice guy who said sorry - if you do wrong and say sorry and don't do it again then it counts, if you say sorry with every intention of doing it again then sorry is just a word.
I'd be very tempted to send the letter back to him, cross it through in red ink and write 2/10 must do better at the bottom

What a prick. Why can’t a man take a simple, thanks for the offer but I don’t want to fuck you in the arse with a strap on, and move on?

He just gets worse and worse. How dare he write and confess. Agree with others, this letter also sounds part of his sick behaviour . Is he bragging, trying to make you jealous or just getting a thrill? Probably all three actually. Dickhead