To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

[Laurennnworld]

This has happened twice now in recent relationships - the men I am with waiting many months to reveal ‘kinks’.

Now, I am not saying this should be revealed upfront on date 1, obviously not. But with my ex, he told me after 5 months. My current boyfriend, we are nearly 8 months in. He met my parents yesterday, we had a lovely afternoon with them and came back to mine to watch Eurovision. He then revealed something which he says he’d struggle to go without longer term. No judgement, but not really my thing. I could indulge it occasionally of course. But I wish he told me a few months ago when it would have been easier to cut things off.

Has anyone else experienced this? I am now in a conundrum.

I don't know if he's gay, but I do know he's a disgusting misogynistic tosspot. Not because he likes pegging but because of how he's treated OP.

Think long term he is telling you his truths ... this will become an issue you need to be in sync.
The fact he met your parents first and then you find out I don't like its like he has a foot in so can now be his real self.
Draw a line under it I know its hard .. walk away tell your parents in a month or so it didn't work out after all they don't need ins and outs . X

I've read your replies wow ...there is nothing at all wrong with you in we all enjoy different things.. I couldn't put up with that in a relationship..
Good on you for walking away and blocking him he has hidden this from you in the hope that by meeting your parents he has found someone he cam do this with.
Not to be trusted this kind of man what else could he be hiding about himself ... keep going forward he isn't the one x

Erm she was never able to orgasm with a partner until it happened. HTH

not sure what the hth is about

it’s an extremely dangerous practice it stops oxygen reaching the brain and that can’t never be done safely

that she can’t have an orgasm with her partner without resorting to something so dangerous and her partner willing to do this is shameful on her partner to take that risk on her

but many men especially are very willing to do this and they are either extremely stupid or abusive or for many a bit of both

Off-topic, but considering that massive limitation, and the dangers inherent in even 'properly done' strangulation, it sounds as though she might benefit from therapy to try to overcome whatever issue it is that's preventing her from achieving orgasm without having the blood to her brain cut off.

Well then that's fucked up, isn't it?

I would say I can't believe you think this makes you right, but actually I can. I've met men like you, and the women for whom you think this is such a great favour and, yeah... fucked up. And yeah, I've done some pretty non vanilla stuff myself, let's say, but this, and you coming on here to justify and boast about it? Fucked up.

Negging

Met men like me??

Look at my posting history, I am very much female. And I wasnt boasting or normalising anything, im just saying what my friend had shared with me. Just because you havent come across it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist and precisely why kink shouldnt be shamed.

I absolutely don't want to look at your posting history, self-named-Barbie-who-justifies-cutting-off-womens-air-during-sex. And what do you mean, just because I haven't come across it? I literally said I'd come across it and it's fucked up. That's what you're complaining about, remember?

It is fucked up. Stop justifying it.

I would feel sorry for your friend, given the issues she clearly has around orgasm, but I would happily shame any man who is willing to repeatedly strangle a woman, cutting off the blood to her brain.

It appears to unavoidably cause brain damage, is more dangerous than waterboarding, and is the second most common cause of stroke in women under 40. A man should be ashamed of risking/causing that sort of harm.

💐wow!! Just read your update about the video link. What an absolute creep. I know it is an American saying, but no wonder women these days are choosing the bear

Urgh so sorry!!

Sadly this has ended in death for some women and the defence is 'she wanted to do it'. It's pretty sick to cut off air and potentially cause brain damage or death. I'd find anyone suggesting it's ok to have a problem.

Tbf, sexuality aside, it's not true that all men enjoy the sensation of prostate stimulation - just as not all women enjoy 'g spot' stimulation.

Well tbh it is a legally murky thing to do. And morally it is also grubby. Strangulation is a mark of domestic violence. It’s now specifically criminalised for that reason.

It’s one of those conveniently unverifiable defences of “she was up for it m’lord” used by defence counsel all the time. With apparent consent being the reason.

I think it’s one area where the presumption of consent as a defence should not apply. The risk to life is innate. People who are responsible in BDSM have little to worry about in that case. A sadistic domestic abuser would.

It's extremely dangerous, not just for the obvious reason that if you get it wrong she could die or suffer brain damage, but also because if you're going to engage in kink, it's massively important to have a safe word or some kind of sign that you can easily give (for example if you're gagged). A person who's having their air restricted might very well not be able to do that.

There's kink and then there's this sort of shit. So what if some women get off on it? Like the world is full of people clamouring to get men to do other stuff that far more women would find pleasing, that isn't dangerous? It's dangerous and fucked up.

Sorry but I couldn’t seriously look in the face of a man and love him if he ever told me he would struggle to live without being pegged.

Fair enough like what you like but I can easily live without many of my favourite things. Because they’re not water and shelter etc. But even then… pegging 😂 I’d need him to leave.

All men have a prostate gland.
Stimulation arouses some.

That sould cover the NAM bit adequately.

It is about the risk to life. You can kill someone. No one can consent to that. This defence should not be permitted, or the test of its validity needs to be far greater. Choking is legally indistinguishable from strangulation, except for intent.

Someone saying they will do this is imo dangerous, as is a person who asks for such. That isn’t legal, just common sense.

Well, if not all men who enjoy prostate stimulation are gay, as you so vigorously pointed out, it only makes sense for me to point out that not all men are aroused by prostate stimulation, as you stated they were. Just as not all women like g spot stimulation.

I didnt actually say all men were aroused by it, i said all men had them.

However, I do note it could've been phrased better so as not to imply that all men also enjoyed prostate stimulation.

Was there anything else youd like to discuss now I've clarified?

I've had to report your bizarre aggressive personal attack on me

This is a forum for primarily for women - your posts come across as aggressive and misogynistic

Imo - a man wanting a rubber penis makes him attracted to men. If the op's ex was saying he's bi, i'd be calling him bi

But since he isnt and is trying to force her into a relationship before announcing his true sexual preferences - i'm saying he's a closeted gay man

This doesnt make someone homophobic sorry, its common sense

That a man has a kink that involves being buggered by his partner with a strap on dildo is not a deal breaker in itself for some.

The way this piece of work has approached it is a deal breaker and he couldn't be waving a bigger red flag if he was leading a parade in Beijing.

' Struggle to go without it' ..I wonder if he has already been seeing someone for this kink?. 8 months is going without it. Makes you wonder.

As for the other nonsense, age shaming and sending dodgy links..yeah get in the sea pal.