AIBU to feel scared ahead of a Clare's Law disclosure call?

[Justpickitup]

So I did a Clare’s law request on a guy I have been seeing for a few months. I’ve never felt the need to do this before but I just had a gut feeling. He is quite protective and needy. Anyway I did it and now I have to have a video call as they are ready to disclose? I’m really really scared.

Bear in mind that you’re allowed to end a relationship for no reason at all. I don’t say that to be patronising, but I know for myself and other posters on here, if the bloke wasn’t doing things that were objectively awful, I sort of felt like I wasn’t allowed to end things because I didn’t have a good reason. M
i’ve come a long way since then thankfully but it took a lot of work.

OP, I hope today goes ok for you and I am just going to gently agree with the others here that say you should consider ending this relationship regardless.

You are already back tracking and excusing this man, you have gone from having a gut feeling, something is off, needy and protective (controlling) to he’s not done anything it’s just in case before he meets my children.

Throw this one back and trust your gut.

Yes, gut feelings have been proved over and over to be a very powerful protective mechanism. Nobody needs to have to explain or rationalise them to anybody, even themselves.

I have had the call.

I wish society made it easier to act on them.

And? Are you OK?

I’m just a bit worried that they Inform social services as everything I did was to make sure I was protecting them.

How are you doing after it?

I also agree that you should end the relationship regardless.

I've never felt the need to make a Claire's Law request on someone I was seeing and, if I'd ever felt like I should, I would have ended it anyway.

Even if there is nothing on record for this man, it doesn't negate the warning signs you've already noticed.

You don't owe him a relationship and surely you want more for yourself than dating a man you are already concerned about after a matter of weeks?

You’ve acted exactly as you should have done. Even if Social Services do look at you, you’ll be fine.

If they think you will put your kids at risk in order to have a boyfriend, they may well do. If you stop seeing him, they’ll have nothing to report, will they?

If you were that suspicious to start why on earth does it matter what it says it is over now so move on amd focus on your children

They probably will report, but SS won’t take any action if they’re happy you’re doing the right thing. They will want to make sure he isn’t having contact with your dc.

So now you know you need to end things. If SS see that you've taken that action, you'll have nothing to worry about.

I assume that you were told some things about his history on the call and your instinct was correct?

If so, are you able to end the relationship safely and have the police offered support to do this?

Social services won’t take any action, you are protecting your children by ending the relationship. It would only become a concern if you stayed in the relationship knowing his history and he was around your children.

I hope you’re ok.

These are red flags because you were married 20 years, so you're at least mid thirties so any man you're dating should also be old enough to know better because those are behaviours you'd only really expect from a teenager figuring out normal behaviour. Any older (or a teen not learning) and it's problematic warning behaviour.

He shoud know better. I think he's invested in you, let the mask slip a little, and promised to change to keep reeling you in so you think you have a good guy thst needed a gentle hand to guide him but your gut is worries about you.

I hope you’re ok OP, and can detach yourself quickly but safely x

Sounds like you’ll carry on with the relationship if the police don’t disclose anything. I really wish people would listen to their gut. Your first instinct is usually right, he doesn’t need a police record to be a bad partner.

Are you OK? You did the right thing to always trust your gut no matter if the call was to say there was no information to report. You are being a sensible mother.

But if you’re ending the relationship (I presume something was disclosed to you about his history) then they won’t have concerns, will they?

Or are you going to keep dating him regardless?

There wasn’t anything to disclose. I am
torn between thinking he is really invested and just wants to make it work etc. I did it for peace of mind for my children, I never thought I would do it but the thought of introducing somebody to my kids without knowing their history seems odd to me.

This doesn’t make sense. Why would they report if there was nothing to disclose?

they just needed to make sure they was giving the I formation to the right person.

And they said they report every clares law to SS so they might just give me a call and that will be it.