AIBU to feel scared ahead of a Clare's Law disclosure call?

[Justpickitup]

So I did a Clare’s law request on a guy I have been seeing for a few months. I’ve never felt the need to do this before but I just had a gut feeling. He is quite protective and needy. Anyway I did it and now I have to have a video call as they are ready to disclose? I’m really really scared.

Just really overly clingy and intense messaging etc, he had calmed down a bit after I raised the issue. We are still together as I actually put it to the back of my mind but if it is bad news I will end it for the sake of
my children

Yes they would.

Why are you still with this man if you are this concerned about him? You’ve only been dating him for a few months.

As the relationship has gone on he has toned down a lot but I just had a gut feeling so I followed it.

Good luck for tomorrow. And whatever the news, stay cautious for yourself, but mostly for your kids!

A gut feeling about what? That he is potentially an abuser?

Just something off that I needed to check on, I couldn’t put my finger on it so I thought it was the best thing to do.

Obviously some people don’t wait until they are killed before they are concerned. It’s best to check these things if you have a feeling. Better safe than sorry.

Even if there is not disclosure, you would be mad to carry on a relationship with someone who has made you feel like this after just a couple of months.

Well done for doing one, in my opinion everyone should do one with a new partner. I recently did one and the officer said he wished everyone did one every time. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

He hasn’t hurt me or anything just clingy. I am
doing this for safety of myself and most importantly my children. It exists for this exact reason

I’m being cautious that’s all. You don’t really know anybody to be honest.

I hope you do find the courage to end it if things are bad. A woman I know has just had her 'results'.. She believed his bs that he isn't that man anymore..
A man who assaulted his ex and put her in hospital..
What a shocker he proposed...
Hook
Line
Sinker.

I have done them - for my last boyfriend and my current DP. This is because I was in an abusive relationship earlier in my life - I would always do one. With DP they still had to come and speak with me but said it was a ‘non-disclosure’ as in, nothing to report. I think we are so lucky to have Claire’s Law.

But agree with others about the red flags in your relationship irrespective!

I agree that your safety and that of your dc is important, that’s why it’s not worth carrying on dating a man who has made you feel like this.

I assume you haven’t even introduced him to your dc yet as you’ve only been dating for a few months.

Well done OP, for taking action to protect yourself and your children.

He hadn’t made me feel like anything!

I was married for almost 20 years so not really clued up on how something should go. I suppose before I do introduce to my children it would be a good idea to check him out. It might just be that he has had some bad relationships himself and like he said he is much better now. I can’t make a judgement really until tomorrow.

If you feel unsafe with him then I'd end it even if the request comes back clear. Might be sad for him but you don't owe anyone a relationship and if he makes you feel this uneasy, that's no foundation.

Ive done a clares law. There was nothing to disclose, they just called me back about a week later. Never called to schedule a call or video call. It might not be something on clares law but something on Sarah's law, which they wont tell you about but will suggest putting in an application "just to check fully and be in the safe side " if you see what I mean

You do seem defensive so a bit sure what you wanted from this thread.

You had a gut feeling for a reason, even if it comes back that there is nothing to disclose all that means as he hasn’t been reported for anything. Listen to your gut whatever the outcome.

It’s a good thing they’re going to disclose info to you- you are better off having that knowledge so you can make an informed decision about your relationship, rather than never knowing! As someone else said, knowledge is power!

DD’s abusive ex was reported to the police by worried neighbours, which may well have saved her life. I’m very thankful that they did, and that anyone who gets embroiled with him in future may be given the info on what he’s really like. You’ve been very sensible to check.

I think if you've felt the need to apply for a Clare's Law disclosure on someone then you should end the relationship whatever information you are given because it means your gut is telling you something is off. Police can only disclose any abuse or violence they have on record, if someone has done things like this and it hasn't been reported to the police then the disclosure will come back clean.

Trust your gut.

I think if you have a gut instinct about him that has led you to ask for this information, you would perhaps be mistaken to continue the relationship whatever the result.

I am pleased that you have done this.
I have worked with at least four families over the years where the children have had to live with grandparents or in one case go into foster care because their mums wouldn't give up child abuser boyfriends.

One said to me' what does ( name of social worker) think is going to happen, he walks with a stick now, he can hardly run after them.' Thick as mince!

I hope you sleep well tonight OP.

Lets be thankful to Michael Brown who initiated this scheme.