AIBU to feel upset there are no photos of my proposal?

[KatieHW]

DP proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. I feel really sad he didn’t arrange for anyone to capture this, there’s no photos let alone videos. I have said to him in the past that if I was to ever get engaged then it would be important for me to be able to look back on it in the future. When I put in my friends group chat I was engaged they all asked to see what happened and it was embarrassing to say DP didn’t think of this.

Let’s hope there aren’t pictures 🫣

you sound nice

Mercifully, we will be spared that as DP will have fallen short in failing to engage the services of a celebrity photographer.

You sound absolutely delightful OP. I would put money on you being divorced within 2 years of being married.

A. You're being ridiculous. It's your life, not a Netflix rom-com. B. People get engaged every day; everyone else makes pleased noises in front of them, then goes back to what they were doing before. It's only THAT important to you and your fiancé, C. If it helps, every couple I know who had an engagement photo shoot split up before the wedding or were separated/divorced within 5 years. Wanting the actual proposal filmed? Jinx!, D. Thank you for making me snort-laugh into my wine. E. You're being ridiculous, even if you're 8 and playing 'weddings' with your friends.

No - we live in ‘modern times’, as you say, so the idea of an engagement being for the woman is actually very retrograde.

When you say ‘for better or worse’ about modern times, do you feel that some of the expectations some younger people have been conditioned to have about documenting and/or sharing intimate moments like this are unrealistic? If so then I would agree with you.

I genuinely don’t understand how your fiancé could make sure that ‘the moment’ would be captured unless a photographer was hired. If that’s what you were expecting then I don’t really know what to say except that life isn’t a performance or a film. Social media and celebrity culture have really warped ideas of what’s normal.

If the point really is that he didn’t listen to what matters to you and this really matters to you then maybe he isn’t right for you. If he doesn’t share these values though, then to be honest you might have actually got lucky and be better off staying with him than finding someone who prioritises more shallow things.

You’ve also said he knows that he’s punching though - how awful for him not to be on an equal footing and equally valued within a relationship. If this is real, which I suspect it isn’t as it’s so silly, it might be a kindness to let him go so that he can find someone who values him.

By the way, I say this as a definitely-not-old person who herself lives and got married in ‘modern times’. All times are modern when you’re living in them, by the way, unless anyone has invented a time machine that I’m not aware of?

I kept reading this entire thread even long after I realized it was outrage bait because the trolling was that good. I even felt my own gorge rising, even though I knew better.

Congratulations OP.

Oh and our engagement was six years ago, for the record. Modern times, as OP writes, "for better or worse."

I really would love to know @KatieHW what exactly you’d wanted /hoped for from your engagement? You say “others manage it” so what exactly have they done to achieve this? Got someone like a waiter or member of staff to click at the exact moment or hired a photographer? Also genuinely curious, how many of your circle have had proposals photographed?

Her friend had their proposal (in Paris, no less) photographed by an entourage who captured the moment in 360 degrees, but then she dumped him because he didn’t post a gushing message on her Facebook for her birthday and she knows her worth, so it was in the bin with him. Her other bestie got shafted on the proposal photographer, which was obviously a source of great shame and embarrassment which OP has no desire to repeat herself. The friend tried to look past it, but in the end she had to LTB, and was recently dating a new man but he didn’t make enough effort with her three course dinner so she’s back to square one too, believe it or not. You can’t compromise when you have standards.

😂 @sheisforrealatiger am laughing but prob not that far from the truth depressingly.

Going to be a long engagement, I'm assuming you are 13, can't be any older than that surely

Oh grow up, OP! Seriously. You sound like a spoiled brat!

What options? Find a photographer in a foreign country where presumably you dont speak the language or know exactly where you might be when the proposal happens. How would he explain to you him sneaking off to liaise with a photographer, seriously, how do you think he would do it? Others that arrange photos presumably do it in their own country and hire a photographer or have a friend or relative take photos. Most people have an engagement photo shoot after the event, not during. Most wedding photographers offer it as part of their wedding package.

Lots of people would hate it but lots would love it. I very much assume the photographer still gets paid for their time like any other vendor does if something doesn’t go to plan that’s completely out of their control (eg someone buys an gift with a no returns policy but then the receiver doesn’t like it…)

I also think couples generally discuss their futures and more likely than not, are on the same page about marriage. For a man to know his partner wants a photographer at the proposal, it likely means marriage has been discussed.

For the fortunate people where money isn’t massively limited and they care enough about these things, they can be concerned about both ring and proposal.

There are event planners who offer proposal services abroad, they would organise it all including all this stuff. It may sound ridiculous to a lot of people but I guess the demand exists

Baffled by this one, I was proposed to in the bathroom. We laugh about it and have no photos. He also hadn’t got a ring, we choose it together. It was all much nicer and far more genuine than a staged event. It was also in 2017 so in the days of social media. We got married fairly soon afterwards. It was about us, not anyone else. And no, I wasn’t pregnant.

Maybe proposal shoots are a thing now like gender reveals etc yawn

Im sure it does in this insta world that we live in. However, I cant imagine that many men would risk the expense of that to film something that could end up with him being rejected and on top of a holiday too!

Its not just the ones engaged years ago that apparently don't get this by the way. I also got engaged in Rome on the Spanish steps with a haribo ring no less 🤣🤣. I have a photo of us before we went up and one of the jelly ring. Thats it. That was in 2022. We got married 2024. I can honestly say we have looked at our wedding pics once in 2 years. And probs never again for decades. Paid for our own wedding. Whitby for the hen and stag. Gawwwd im glad im easy pleased (he might disagree...) 🤣🤣

Apparently we're all old and don't understand so there's no point trying to help the OP

I imagine the OP already knew he was going to propose in Rome. She probably gave him an approved list of places where he was permitted to do it, and sent him links to the rings she wanted in advance.

I know someone who gave detailed instructions for her proposal so it would be a beautiful story to tell. Exact location, time of day, he was to be waiting and she would arrive etc. both knowing that he would then ask… I’d like to hear the story of how they ended up having that conversation in the first place 😂