AIBU to think you shouldn't have to specify your food order as "on its own" if you don't want a side and they cost extra?

[SidesAside]

A wet and cold Bank Holiday Sunday where I am. DH and I decided to go with our original plan of visiting a garden centre, but to pad the day out a bit as we wouldn't be looking around outside, I suggested stopping off on the way for lunch at a cheap and cheerful chain pub that has nice lakeside views.

For context, come rain or shine, workday or weekday, we always have a light lunch, e.g. sandwich and then a substantial dinner in the evening.

We arrived, found a table and I looked at the menu. I found a list of sandwiches and chose one. It's an order at the bar and pay place, so I kept the table and DH went up with the order.

He came back and said, "You've got spicy potato wedges as a side."

I said, "The menu didn't mention it came with a side, I didn't want one."

He said, "It didn't cost any extra."

I looked again at the menu and saw, under the list of sandwiches, a footnote saying "Add a side for £1.50' with a list of sides, potato wedges, onion rings and so on. I checked the receipt and we had indeed paid £1.50 for unwanted wedges. Now, I am not fussed about £1.50 but I pointed out we'd now paid for something that would go to waste.

DH became defensive and said "But you didn't ask for a prawn caibatta "on its own"".

I said, "Surely I shouldn't have to as the sides are an extra, you know I never normally order sides, even if we're having a main meal." [for context we have been married over 20 years].
DH repeated "You should have asked for it "on its own"."

I didn't want to spoil the day with a petty argument so I said, "In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one."

I then changed the subject, we carried on with our day and had a pleasant enough time considering the weather.

But who is being unreasonable here -

• Me, for not asking for the sandwich 'on its own'
• DH for saying I should have asked for it 'on its own'
• The pub for what sounds like sneaky upselling.

Opinions welcome!

Yes that's the same 👌

I still dont really understand why food existing in front of you is the same as it being 'forced down' your throat but agree to disagree I suppose.

He didn't want them, they went to waste. He could have ordered whatever he liked for himself, I didn't check what he was planning to order, I just asked him to get me the sandwich and a coffee, with the unspoken assumption he'd get himself what he wanted at the same time. He's a small eater himself and rarely finishes his portion, I don't think I've ever known him order anything on the side.

Omg does it really matter.

May this sort of relationship never find me

Honestly this just convinces me even more that you're being a bit loopy about the concept of calories

If everyone was as loopy as me about knowing what calories they put in their mouths then they might also have the same BMI as I do.

😂 if someone like you told me to "engrave on my brain" to remember about something as unimportant as £1.50's worth of piffling wedges, they would not be happy with my reaction. How fucking rude of you.

*Edited to change "mind" to "brain". Maybe he'll grow one and leave ~its a rare day I'll defend a bloke but fuck me sideways~

This, am imagining op must think posters would have thought “yay go you! You showed him, with the cruel and callous put down!”
but it’s actually a rather cold and abusive tone isn’t it? Definitely giving off Miranda P vibes!

Here here sister, there but for the grace of god and all that nonsense…

You shouldn’t have to specify “nothing extra”, but your DH brought you a portion of wedges that cost minimally extra, without realising they were not included.

The way you spoke to him is very unreasonable and your “I didn’t want an argument so I spoke to him like sh** and then changed the subject” doesn’t give you the high ground.

Sounds like a fairly miserable way to live, just doing the same thing all the time and assuming because someone goes along with it all they are happy about it. I’m convinced he knew you wouldn’t want the wedges and was hoping that, thinking they were ‘free,’ you would let him have them rather than let them go to waste. After you blew up over the whole thing he couldn’t stomach them anymore. Sometimes it’s better to eat a tiny portion and never get any extras rather than go through the mental energy of fighting to justify every decision made.

Or Hannibal Lecter

And there it is.

I think you ABU to blame DH. It is the pub’s fault. They let him believe the sandwich came with a side when it was actually extra. This is an underhand ploy that is becoming more and more prevalent along with the sharp practice of adding a “service” charge to the bill automatically. It is less and less enjoyable to go out to eat these days as we always come away with the feeling we are being ripped off.

There are plenty of people who order food for someone else because they want to eat it themself and would feel guilty if they eat it alone. Having someone else eat it too (goes the same way with alcohol) lets them of the hook of their own conscience. Sometimes, that pressure can be so strong that it can feel like somebody is trying to force you to eat food you don't want. A favourite trick of those people is to plonk food in front of you and say "well you might as well eat it now it's here".

Are you ok? You’ve managed to turn someone else’s post about some extraneous wedges into a humble ‘brag’ about your BMI. I won’t say much more but if you have an ED there’s some good resources on this site if you look for them. Good luck.

You say you don’t want a fight, yet you picked a fight over 1.5…
also, maybe he wanted them? There are many other hills to die on so I’m super pleased for you fi this is the extent of your marital disagreements !

Omg just let it go. This is how relationships start to break down. He got a bit mixed up but it’s £1.50. Pick your battles.

I would have been pissed off with DH if he didn't order onion rings to go with my sandwich and wedges.

Oh for gods sake it’s a plate of potato wedges 🤣 I’d not say that to my DH .
if he was the one up ordering the food and he added an extra to mine , like maybe chunky chips , then I’d be fine with it and say nothing.

How many more times do I have to say, he didn't want them and if he had wanted anything additional to his own order, there was nothing whatsoever to stop him ordering whatever he liked - we didn't discuss his order because he was going up to order for both of us, there was no need for him to tell me what he was planning to order for himself.

"In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one." if my DH spoke to me like that, I would have got in the car and left him there..... engrave in your mind, how rude!

I cracked my bulimia problem 34 years ago. I haven't eaten and thrown up for over 30 years, but thank you for your concern, yes I'm fine.

We have a nation of increasingly unhealthy people with a generation whose life expectancy is reducing for the first time in centuries.

It matters.

It's other people like you making a big thing about my posts so you can take the blame for making the thread about me 🤣😂🤣

Maybe you should tell her to engrave it on her brain

I'm afraid that the fact that @Flowersdie and others (at the least, me) clocked from only a couple of your posts that you struggle with disordered eating means it's probably still permeating your life more than you'd like to admit. Hope your recovery continues well, try not to force your issues with food onto others though.