AIBU to think you shouldn't have to specify your food order as "on its own" if you don't want a side and they cost extra?

[SidesAside]

A wet and cold Bank Holiday Sunday where I am. DH and I decided to go with our original plan of visiting a garden centre, but to pad the day out a bit as we wouldn't be looking around outside, I suggested stopping off on the way for lunch at a cheap and cheerful chain pub that has nice lakeside views.

For context, come rain or shine, workday or weekday, we always have a light lunch, e.g. sandwich and then a substantial dinner in the evening.

We arrived, found a table and I looked at the menu. I found a list of sandwiches and chose one. It's an order at the bar and pay place, so I kept the table and DH went up with the order.

He came back and said, "You've got spicy potato wedges as a side."

I said, "The menu didn't mention it came with a side, I didn't want one."

He said, "It didn't cost any extra."

I looked again at the menu and saw, under the list of sandwiches, a footnote saying "Add a side for £1.50' with a list of sides, potato wedges, onion rings and so on. I checked the receipt and we had indeed paid £1.50 for unwanted wedges. Now, I am not fussed about £1.50 but I pointed out we'd now paid for something that would go to waste.

DH became defensive and said "But you didn't ask for a prawn caibatta "on its own"".

I said, "Surely I shouldn't have to as the sides are an extra, you know I never normally order sides, even if we're having a main meal." [for context we have been married over 20 years].
DH repeated "You should have asked for it "on its own"."

I didn't want to spoil the day with a petty argument so I said, "In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one."

I then changed the subject, we carried on with our day and had a pleasant enough time considering the weather.

But who is being unreasonable here -

• Me, for not asking for the sandwich 'on its own'
• DH for saying I should have asked for it 'on its own'
• The pub for what sounds like sneaky upselling.

Opinions welcome!

You’re in the right, and given he knows you don’t have a side normally, he should have said no when asked if he wanted a side. Or come and checked. My family would have ordered me a side of fries, as they know that’s what i’d have. If eating out at lunch, I always have something more substantial, save cooking much in the evening. Your DH should know you’re more a ‘on its own’ but no, you shouldn’t need to specify.

YABU purely for the way you spoke to your husband!

I didn't want to spoil the day with a petty argument so I said, "In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one.
If I said this to my DH he’d most likely tell me I’m not at work now (I’m a teacher) and not to speak to him like he’s 12. He’d also tell me to sod off and get my own food in future.
You were rude, bossy and totally ungrateful.

If a partner spoke to me like that they’d be an ex. What a nasty, sneering, borderline abusive attitude you have.

Knowing men, it's far more likely that he fancied either the serving person or some chips for himself or both.

If I made a very simple £1.50 mistake and my other half called me a "dork" or suggested I was "shoving unnecessary calories down their throat", I'd think they were being pretty dramatic.

Jeeze, you’re a fun sponge aren’t you!

Such hyperbole. You know you don't have to eat everything on your plate right? If your husband brings you a side you don't want... Just don't eat it.

It's fine that you didn't want them, and maybe you shouldn't have had to specify but yes he probably was also a victim of upsetting and put on the spot he just guessed.

But the way you spoke to him is appalling. I'd never order for your again if I were him. Well done on ruining the day all for the sake of getting the petty last word in.

@SidesAside

Canyou please tell us whether your DH knows that you would never normally have chips with a sandwich at lunch?

I think whether he tried to be nice or has been an arse hangs around that question.

YANBU over the upselling, but YABU for patronising your DH in that way.

You are right, the default was the sandwich. Assume that, unless specified or accepted if offered.

Yanbu. He is daft, of course you didn't need to say "on its own". You only ordered a sandwich. If they did a coffee with cake desk and you asked for a latte would he also order you a cage unless you said "latte on its own"? I doubt it. He messed up and tried to blame you, which is very unattractive.

He guessed when put on the spot. He guessed wrong. Telling him off for it was ungenerous.

😂😂 honestly, @SidesAside if this is real then YABU but it’s made me laugh. Your poor husband

You are being more unreasonable for turning this into an issue! Your DH thought you would like some wedges on the side. It cost £1.50. It really isn't worth turning into a potential argument!

OK, maybe he should have asked you. But maybe it would have held up the order etc so he just made a call. Whatever. What he did is definitely not as unreasonable as you making a fuss!

Did you really tell him to “engrave in his mind for the future”? That was some patronising telling off!
I’d be leaving you to eat lunch on your own after that.

exactly!

You was very patronising to your husband. I’d have walked if you’d said that to me.

I am a fully Trained Silver Service Waitress, what the hell is a "side"? The menu is the menu, extras are "extra".

I really hate "Americanisms". I was never a "server", I was a Waitress. If you want anything added you say "With ... added separately or on the side". Use plain English. This slippery language confuses everyone.

I do happen to agree with you, however if you ever spoke to me the way you patronisingly spoke to your dh (‘please engrave in your mind’ etc) I would be horrified!

Nobody is shoving food down anyone's throat!

If you don't want them, you don't eat them. It was a wasted £1.50, that is all.

Honestly I can't believe some unwanted potato wedges could cause such a fuss.

It's a £1.50 portion of wedges, I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest. Sometimes we need to make decisions on the hop, it's no big deal. Your poor dh being berated for adding a side to your lunch.

He was unknowingly upsold the wedges and got embarrassed and defensive about it. He should have realised and declined the wedges. You’re being a bit dramatic about it though. Or is there more to this and the issue is he’s often upsold things and you are irritated by him being a wet lettuce?

YABU to let this non-event take up more than 5 seconds of your life and talk to talk to your husband in such a weird and patronising way.

HWBU to have defended himself by saying that you didn't say "on its own" rather than just saying "oh sorry, I thought they were included".