AIBU to think you shouldn't have to specify your food order as "on its own" if you don't want a side and they cost extra?

[SidesAside]

A wet and cold Bank Holiday Sunday where I am. DH and I decided to go with our original plan of visiting a garden centre, but to pad the day out a bit as we wouldn't be looking around outside, I suggested stopping off on the way for lunch at a cheap and cheerful chain pub that has nice lakeside views.

For context, come rain or shine, workday or weekday, we always have a light lunch, e.g. sandwich and then a substantial dinner in the evening.

We arrived, found a table and I looked at the menu. I found a list of sandwiches and chose one. It's an order at the bar and pay place, so I kept the table and DH went up with the order.

He came back and said, "You've got spicy potato wedges as a side."

I said, "The menu didn't mention it came with a side, I didn't want one."

He said, "It didn't cost any extra."

I looked again at the menu and saw, under the list of sandwiches, a footnote saying "Add a side for £1.50' with a list of sides, potato wedges, onion rings and so on. I checked the receipt and we had indeed paid £1.50 for unwanted wedges. Now, I am not fussed about £1.50 but I pointed out we'd now paid for something that would go to waste.

DH became defensive and said "But you didn't ask for a prawn caibatta "on its own"".

I said, "Surely I shouldn't have to as the sides are an extra, you know I never normally order sides, even if we're having a main meal." [for context we have been married over 20 years].
DH repeated "You should have asked for it "on its own"."

I didn't want to spoil the day with a petty argument so I said, "In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one."

I then changed the subject, we carried on with our day and had a pleasant enough time considering the weather.

But who is being unreasonable here -

• Me, for not asking for the sandwich 'on its own'
• DH for saying I should have asked for it 'on its own'
• The pub for what sounds like sneaky upselling.

Opinions welcome!

I shall engrave that on my mind. You might see yourself as boring but you certainly spice it up with a sprinkling of snark. Your dh is probably used to it though.

I would rather have seen the wedges eaten than wasted, but I'd never try to persuade someone to eat something they didn't want so they sat there, ignored, unloved and unremarked on, until the table was cleared

You could have wrapped them in a napkin or asked for a takeaway box and taken them home. Any time I have leftover fried potatoes, I use them as a shortcut to make a Spanish omelette.

But I'd never expect a sandwich in a pub to come on it's own, I'd look at the menu to see what the deal was - you usually get at least crisps, a side salad or sometimes chips, or in this case, wedges, often included in the price.

Or as it was an extra, it might have said at the top or bottom of the menu 'add a side for £1.50'. They would have probably offered this but not mentioned the extra cost, but that's the way of the world now and it is annoying, but you have to expect it and face speaking up or going away wondering why your £3.50 coffee ended up costing £4.85 or similar.

My dh has done this before and yes like you unless I have stated unless I have asked for a side I would not expect it (unless inclid3d with the meal). I too have said if he is ordering at the till then I would expect him to ask. I lost weight a few years a go and have managed to keep it off by not just eating food because it is there. Previously I would have just eaten them as I wouldn't want food to get wasted but now I think very much differently.

I wouldn't have used the phrase 'engraved in your brain' however I am very well versed in dealing with a dh who is very intelligent and lacks common sense. I have to be blunt to be understood, we have a child who is not dissimilar to her dad and you simply have to be direct with her. So no I don't think yabu.

I lost weight a few years a go and have managed to keep it off by not just eating food because it is there. Previously I would have just eaten them as I wouldn't want food to get wasted but now I think very much differently.

Well done with the maintenance of the weight loss, that's the harder bit than losing it. Losing it has rewards. Keeping it off is mostly work and sacrifice until it becomes just routine.

Commiserations for having an OP the same as the OPs and mine 😆

The problem with eating food so it won't be wasted is that only works if you cut down what you would have eaten later, and in reality, though they may well mean to at the time, how many people actually do that?

Duplicate!

The side is, imo, neither here nor there. He made the wrong choice, whatever. What I can’t get over is you speaking to your husband like that over a simple mistake and £1.50 😫

If there's a queue behind me at the bar when I'm ordering I'd make the decision there and then. Not traipse across the pub to ask about a 1.50 side.

Blimey, first world problems and all that 😬 .
But I’ve voted YABU for talking to your husband like a toddler

I doubt it's the first time or even the hundredth time he's done similar things in their long term marriage. The OP was clearly, from the reactions, unwise to write it out in detail, unless she's enjoying the reaction 😆

Yes, I suppose you’re probably right.

I am also a fully trained silver service waitress. I did a degree in hospitality management which included being in charge of the training restaurant both front and back of house. Sides or side orders were on the menu, we cooked them, we offered them, we served them. The first hotel I worked in as a “waitress”, a 5 star hotel and country club, served “sides” This was in the early 90s so I hardly think this is a new term which you have no knowledge of, neither is it an Americanism. We’ve moved to “server” to avoid the genderisation of roles, but we were always “serving staff”.

You were rude. I can't believe you really spoke like that "please engrave in your mind" yet you claim you didn't want an argument.

The sides are printed right there on the menu. They aren’t hidden. Upselling is part of any retail offering. You know it’s going to happen, you check the sides and price when you are choosing your meal.

I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it. I'm surprised that, out of the whole post, that particular turn of phrase is the one thing that's stuck out to so many posters, and that's feedback I will take on board.

But yes, that kind of thing is typical of him - I would put it that he often struggles to follow a simple instruction - it's the way he is, he has plenty of good qualities that make up for it, and it's not that he got the side/fell for the upselling, it's that he said I should have phrased my order specifically to exclude one, when one was not included other than as an add on.

Your last paragraph sums it up, I think.

As we were going somewhere else afterwards, I didn't really want to leave already-cooked food sitting in the car and I doubt DH would have got round to eating them at home - as mentioned, I didn't want to eat them at all because they'd give me heartburn.

Does seem a lot of to do for £1.50 worth of wedges

Tbh - in that situation - I’d have offered them to neighbouring tables. Not to get my money back but to save food being wasted

Could easily have been done in a light hearted way

Oh god me too! I could never chose a meal without chips! Except a Sunday roast 🤔 hummm I wonder if they switch the rosters for chips!

‘Please engrave in your mind’ 🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭

Those wedges are a bargain

I mean it is pretty common for pubs and cafes to have a sandwich menu with "add chips or extra fillings for £2" type text on the menu.

Pizza places will also commonly charge for extra toppings. You meed to check the menu if a server asks if you would like something additional.

Poor husband probably thought he was doing something nice 😭 my husband knows never to refuse the side of chips! He also knows that if he orders chips and I don’t I’ll be pinching a couple!

If that's the case you need to consider it from the opposite perspective, because mine should know that I'd never want it, so it would be the equivalent of your husband turning down the chips!

I’m sure he’s got the message now OP. Having engraved it on his brain.

Your DH was a bit dim, but you were rigid and snotty. If my husband had spoken to me like that he'd be wearing the wedges.

Well “on the side” is definitely an Americanism…