AIBU to think you shouldn't have to specify your food order as "on its own" if you don't want a side and they cost extra?

[SidesAside]

A wet and cold Bank Holiday Sunday where I am. DH and I decided to go with our original plan of visiting a garden centre, but to pad the day out a bit as we wouldn't be looking around outside, I suggested stopping off on the way for lunch at a cheap and cheerful chain pub that has nice lakeside views.

For context, come rain or shine, workday or weekday, we always have a light lunch, e.g. sandwich and then a substantial dinner in the evening.

We arrived, found a table and I looked at the menu. I found a list of sandwiches and chose one. It's an order at the bar and pay place, so I kept the table and DH went up with the order.

He came back and said, "You've got spicy potato wedges as a side."

I said, "The menu didn't mention it came with a side, I didn't want one."

He said, "It didn't cost any extra."

I looked again at the menu and saw, under the list of sandwiches, a footnote saying "Add a side for £1.50' with a list of sides, potato wedges, onion rings and so on. I checked the receipt and we had indeed paid £1.50 for unwanted wedges. Now, I am not fussed about £1.50 but I pointed out we'd now paid for something that would go to waste.

DH became defensive and said "But you didn't ask for a prawn caibatta "on its own"".

I said, "Surely I shouldn't have to as the sides are an extra, you know I never normally order sides, even if we're having a main meal." [for context we have been married over 20 years].
DH repeated "You should have asked for it "on its own"."

I didn't want to spoil the day with a petty argument so I said, "In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one."

I then changed the subject, we carried on with our day and had a pleasant enough time considering the weather.

But who is being unreasonable here -

• Me, for not asking for the sandwich 'on its own'
• DH for saying I should have asked for it 'on its own'
• The pub for what sounds like sneaky upselling.

Opinions welcome!

If my husband spoke to me like that, I'd be leaving him in the pub! All over £1.50 wedges! 😬

I think that's something of an exaggeration.

We've been married a long time, we know one another's faults and we accept them - one of his is that he often doesn't take things in and makes the same error again and again, so I really have to emphasise things so that he remembers them.

Just on MN waiting for my Indian takeaway while sipping my prosecco. I'm so touched by your faux concern.

🤣😂🤣

why is no one picking up on his gaslighting?

it's obvious to me the way OP talked to her husband was a reaction to his blaming everything on her?!

I didn't think it would be long before someone mentioned 'gaslighting'

I voted YABU because you told your dh that in future he must never order you a side whether it’s included or not. Thats just batshit. If a meal on the menu includes a side or two, maybe salad, chips, veg, then if you want to order something which isn’t actually on the menu - so just the main part of a meal without the rest - then go to the bar or speak to the waiting staff yourself! You sound quite controlling.

(and yes I can see that in this specific case the pub messed up the order.)

YABU based solely on the OP. How petty and anal. I feel sorry for your DH

That’s what I was thinking, £1.50 for a side in a pub these days is cheap! You are both v disciplined! If I was presented with a bowl of wedges I couldnt not tuck in! DH should have eaten them out of principle as you were of course going to go on at him about the ‘waste’ if they were still sat untouched at end of lunch!

I thought this too i read the phrase “engrave in your mind”… don’t know what I’d do if my partner said this to me 🤣

Gosh you are hard work. Your poor husband. So much drama over £1.50 potato wedges...

I’d have said thank you and made a mental note to remind him next time he orders to not get any add ons. I would have told you to get fucked if you spoke to me like that.

And are you going to acknowledge your fault? The one where you are a horrid woman... Honestly if you spoke to me like that I would have left you there

Jesus wept. OP, unclench.

I just wouldn't be able to get over how cheap the wedges were tbh, £1:50 is a bargain IMO.

You are pathetic and miserly, but I am jealous of you - I am a wet blanket, my husband is a wet blanket and we are constantly upsold things, and I know we are, and he knows we are and we can't do anything about it, we can't say 'no'. Our 9 year-old dd, if present with either of us, helps us to say 'no' to extra sides, flight upgrades and 'bespoke' clothes, being born (I don't know why) miser.

I reckon he panicked and just went with the wedges. But tbh I couldn't get worked up about £1.50 wedges, what a bargain!

You’re unreasonable to be so arsed about a set of £1.50 potato wedges you made a thread on Mumsnet.

And yet she's been married a long time ......

and clearly understands how to manage her own husband.

I think dh fancied some wedges!

Exactly this. Mine would have wanted them, so I’d oh nothing, but wanted chips or wedges really. He always does

I can’t believe you spoke to him like that! Over wedges… if my husband spoke to me and asked me to ‘engrave it in my mind’ I would politely ask if he would like to engrave it into his mind to not be a cunt in the future ☺️

You. 100 times you.
It was meant to be a pleasant lunch and you turned it into a not very pleasant at all experience for your husband with your interrogation, fact checking and patronising lecture. And only let the poor man be because you didn't want to ruin your day. Over £1.50 that you say didn't matter.
(I think that's the very first time I've ever typed the words 'poor man' on a marital dispute thread!)

Yes this.

Do you often reprimand him like a school headmistress?

I’m imaganing Hyacinth Bouquet and her hapless husband Richard. Oh Richard, really!!

I would have sent him back to the bar to cancel the unwanted item and get a refund.

DH repeatedly blaming OP for not specifying that the two items she had asked him to buy were indeed the only items she wanted (and that she did not additionally require wedges, a pint of Guiness, a cheeseburger, a line of dancing girls, or a stuffed flamingo) is the single most infuriating thing about this anecdote, and I cannot fathom why OP was as restrained as she was.

You'd expect the staff to give a refund for a side dish which he ordered and which they'd already cooked and served?