One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

Check out my username. I clearly have a problem.

Two years ago my brother got married and the wedding was child free but my sister-in-law’s cousin’s children were flower girls; mine were not invited. I was very, very upset.

Now my problem is one of my daughters who is 9 has actually been asked to be a bridesmaid for her Godfather’s bride. We have agreed and my daughter knows about it.

When my husband told me I was of course pleased but knew my six year old would be jealous, but it was a learning opportunity, they don’t have to do the same things, her Godfather was already married when she was born yada yada. She definitely has come to terms with it.

It now emerges that she isn’t invited. Child free apart from wedding party, just like my brother’s. Two of the other children in the wedding party also have siblings who are not invited.

I can’t believe what wedding culture has become.

I am not leaving her with anyone I will have to miss wedding.

Exactly! So many couples are so busy focussing on themselves and their own wants and needs, and making an insta-perfect wedding, that they don't actually give a shit about the guests.

See also: Destination Weddings, (abroad) costing people several 1000s of pounds to attend. OR a big wedding at some fancy stately home that you can't get to if you don't drive - and often quite far away so you have to stay overnight (at a room there, or in a nearby hotel,) costing 100s of pounds extra!

Many weddings are bloody hard work to attend these days. And expensive. And soooooooooooo tedious and boring...... They often last from midday to midnight too, and are like running a marathon! If I can make any excuse or find any reason to not attend a 'big' wedding (espcially one that is miles away,) I will! 😬

Give me a small wedding in the local Church or Registry Office, with a 'reception' and 'night do' in the local Parish Hall or Social Club any day of the week!

This is really unfair. As a 6 year I would have been very upset. I remember always wanting to be included with my siblings.

I think the only thing you can do to keep both happy is you take dd6 out on a special day out.

Is the godfather on DH’s side?

"I know you've made it clear that DD6 isn't invited but are you absolutely sure? Even after my attempt at guilt tripping you?"

And that's fine. As long as the bride and groom don't piss and moan when some of their guests don't attend because their children aren't allowed!

Is rather the guests didn't attend than bring kids with them TBH

Every wedding I've attended that has kids there has been ruined by them. If they aren't grabbing food off buffet and putting in back with their manky fingers been on it they are sliding over the dancefloor. And then the parents can't enjoy themselves as the kids were whinging and tired. Or had to leave early to take them home blah blah blah.

Don't see what they add to the day tbh

I now refuse to go to any of my partners family weddings as they taken over by kids constantly

That would never have been possible with our two since we lived 150+ miles away from both sets of grandparents. Thankfully it never arose. DH was best man for his closest friend when our two were a toddler and a baby and there was no question as to whether we would all go.

Edited to add I had to take baby daughter out of the service to feed her. Nobody minded.

I think it’s so ridiculous and I wouldn’t go. Your brother was a right shit for that.

have a child free wedding by all means but to use children as cute props for your wedding, inviting their parents but leaving the other sibling at home?

fuck right off

Child free weddings are fine, it's the couple's choice, but to use a child as a prop and leave their sibling out altogether is just plain mean and nasty.

Yep, I would not be faffing around wasting my time writing a passive aggressive letter, I would just be 100% declining... and telling them my older DD isn't going to be bridesmaid. If they ask why,I would say 'why do you think?!' Is anybody actually that stupid that they wouldn't know why?!

No, the parents don’t let them run around all night. That is the answer.

@Notmotherofflowergirls Thread is moving fast.

What I would do here would depend on how far away the wedding was, how much of a hassel it was going to be to make arrangements for the other child, and also plans for bridesmaid child on the day after the big photo shoot.

If all of these are unattractive, I'd be telling the couple, sorry but if you don't mind, think it's best if we come on our own.

Sorry I would still be upset that I had to miss it. The 9 year old will always remember her dad didn’t want to see her

Are weddings not about family? What are they about if not?

Child free weddings should mean no one under 18 attends.

What child free in reality means is "selected children only".

How anyone thinks that isn't offensive to their guests is deluded.

Problem is, it isn't child-free, is it?

What about the b&g and their friends? Does have to involve family at all

This is just awful, never mind the up and coming wedding.

Two years ago my brother got married and the wedding was child free but my sister-in-law’s cousin’s children were flower girls; mine were not invited. I was very, very upset.

Your brother’s nieces were overlooked by the brides cousins children…shows how the brides side take precedence.

Family life will be very one sided. Your brother and his wife need to include your family too.

What a dreadful start!

People these days are such entitled morons. Tell the god father to do one. And your brother also sounds unkind.

Aren't flower girls traditionally the brides part to sort out?

The bridal party is often made up of the bride's side of the family.

That's one awkward situation.
I guess you are going to send older dd with whichever parent was friend of groom. Other parent does something extra nice with younger one

To be honest, my kids were as thick as thieves, and one wouldn't have wanted to go without the other.

Why are people saying that the child is a "prop" just because he wants his godchild in his wedding party but not her sister?

Again, only if you make a big thing out of it. Kids need to know that sometimes they will not have one parent there (we were separated but still went to/go to things as w family where appropriate). Neither kids were damaged or needed therapy for spending one day nearly 20 years ago doing something different. I really, really can’t see the problem and you are projecting. No wonder people say young people have no resilience 🙄

Because that how families work...