AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

[Moreroardinosaur]

The reason I’m asking is because a colleague is away for the weekend. She came back to work in January after having a baby, so her DD is around 16/17 months now. She also mentioned she had a weekend away in February.

My DS is now five and I have a two year old as well. I’ve yet to have a night away as DD still doesn’t sleep through and I’m not sure DH would wake up / be able to sort her (she can be a bit funny overnight.) Is it just me?

Your DH will always sleep through because he has no responsibility. Go for one night and just see.

It isn’t bonkers - WHO and NHS guidelines are to breastfeed until at least 2. I never understand why people feel the need to shame others for following best practice guidelines - if I was nasty about formula, people would be up in arms! And of course it wasn’t my husbands’ issue (or for me - I knew it would pass and a few years felt small in the grand scheme of life) - I was being factious as the previous poster suggested men were idiots if they couldn’t take kids for a whole weekend and I was pointing out breastfeeding might be an issue. Now she’s four and I love being able to go away for a night but I don’t judge other parents who went away much earlier or still don’t want to - each family and child are different.

That’s wonderful for you! It wasn’t something I chose to do until she was old enough to explain - of course she would have coped but she would have been distressed which wasn’t really something I felt comfortable with.
like I said, everyone makes different choices and now I love going away for a night or two. I don’t judge people who go away earlier (as I did with my other child who was happy to take a bottle) or who don’t go away until much later. Each family and child are different.

I have had a lot of nights away... went to Europe 6 months pregnant and left the 2 year old behind

Now have a 9 and 7 year old who are quite happy to be left with grandparents anywhere and have stayed with Auntie for several days a 2 hour drive away with no issues.... i hate leaving them and usually cry when i drive away but its ok, i video call them once or twice a day and now they are older they can call me from their tablets whenver they want.....not sure if its my children or them being used to not having me but I think it helps.

Both my kids breastfed for a year and still climb into bed with me but also feed safe with another family member.

Don't cut your nose off OP its ok to be away from them, it helps grow resilience

But they don't need feeding in the night at that age and a cup of cows milk will do

Neither of mine would take a bottle but after about a year would just wait till they saw me again to feed, no issues settling for DH

Am I the only one who read this and thought 'Bitty'

My daughter was allergic to cows milk so that plan would have landed us in hospital. She was also very small for her age so paediatrician and dietician encouraged me to feed as long as I could (so I probably fed longer at night than I would have otherwise). I think this illustrates my point nicely that each child and family are different. Some may be happy to give a cup of cows milk and let a loving parent support the child through the unhappiness of not being fed to sleep and others may decide that going away for a night is something that isn’t valued that highly. FWIW I love getting away for the night now, but it didn’t hugely bother me for a few years. I’m not sure why this upsets so many people that I wasn’t dying to get away from my kids - I’m quite fond of them overall! I’m not judging others for leaving their kids for a night at an earlier age - just pointing out that everyone will feel differently about it?

YANBU. Do whatever feels right for you. x

They don't need feeding but many still feeds whether it for routine, for comfort ir for food or thirst.

Stop bashing mothers who choose to breastfed into toddler hood... its not a good look and quite frankly not your business.

Who mentioned bottles?

Who am I " bashing"

I did feed one of mine u told 20 months, but not in the night.

And I was also working full time so was a feed in the morning and evening and before putting her down. Rest of time she drank from a cup as never took bottle

Ok soya milk or heaven forbid water as they'd be on a full food diet. Pedantic or what

And what happened when you are at work. Does your kid starve.

You are bashing any mother who feeds overnight....

If you don't want to leave them, then don't. I don't want to either so never have. It's no one else's business xx

Can you find me the post where she "blatantly said she doesn't trust him"? She worries he wouldn't wake up but I don't think she actually has any evidence for this. I read it that she's made an assumption based on how things have been when she is there and he doesn't have to be alert to the children and has catastrophised.

She also hasn't said she isn't allowed a lie-in, only that the children wake her up in the morning. Again, this is my situation. DS wakes me up. DH will take him downstairs and "let me have a lie in" sometimes but it's rare that I can actually get back to sleep again. That's not anyone's "fault". It's just how my body operates now.

I think people are putting words into OP's mouth because they can then use it to justify their own choices. "I left my 6mth old with my DH for two nights because he's more competent than yours" rather than "I left my 6mth old for two nights because I wanted to".

I mean, maybe I am too 🤷🏻‍♀️ But at least I'm not calling her husband names (Not that you are, but others on the thread certainly have).

I couldn’t lose my identity to that degree.

No I took extended maternity leave and didn’t go back to work until she was three? What about my posts gave any indication I would leave my child hungry? Very bizarre thing to say.

Why are you so invested in the fact that it was three before I left a child overnight? With my first child it was earlier - different child, different needs, difference circumstances. As I’ve said I don’t think there’s a right/wrong - it will depend. If you feel guilty about parenting choices you’ve made, reflect on them, don’t try tear down people who made different choices to you.

WTF are you on about? I didn't know nor bloody care when you left your kid. If you want to martyr yourself go ahead

I merely pointed out that toddlers don't actually need feeding in the night.

Totally this. If you were suddenly hospitalised, for example, don’t you think they’d all cope?

If you don’t want to go away that’s your call, although like many PP here I think a night or two away every once in a while does either parent all the good in the world, but don’t use assumed incompetence you’ve apparently trained into your husband as an excuse or look down on your colleague for her choices.

I don’t consider spending time with my children an act of martyrdom - they are quite nice kids thankfully! However, spending any more time discussing a topic with someone who does and can’t discuss an issue without resorting to cursing and hyperbolic statements probably isn’t great for emotional wellbeing.

Fine You seem to be crediting me with a lot of stuff I haven't said

When does your husband get his alone time with them then if you are always there!

Blimey, my kids are similar ages to yours (and I love them to bits) but I’ve been on 3 hen dos and 2 week-long girl’s trips over the past few years. My kids were left with my OH as he is their other parent. I guess if you don’t want to leave them that’s different but I do think life is for living. I feel like I’d be doing my children a bit of a disservice in terms of their independence/confidence if I never left them or let them have a night without me.

Your identity is "goes on child-free weekends away"?

If being unable to do that means you've lost a significant part of your "identity" there can't be much to you. Either that or I question why you'd have children if they're quashing your personality.

I don’t think YABU at all. My kids are the same age gap as yours and I had my first night away when my youngest was 2.5, and not had many more since. I was still breastfeeding my youngest to sleep at that age, plus I just didn’t really have any reason to leave them before that. Some people act like you’re abnormal or unnatural for not going away, but when I was a child, most ordinary people couldn’t afford to keep going off places overnight all the time, it’s a pretty recent, and very middle class phenomenon, and it’s perfectly normal if you haven’t.