AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

[Moreroardinosaur]

The reason I’m asking is because a colleague is away for the weekend. She came back to work in January after having a baby, so her DD is around 16/17 months now. She also mentioned she had a weekend away in February.

My DS is now five and I have a two year old as well. I’ve yet to have a night away as DD still doesn’t sleep through and I’m not sure DH would wake up / be able to sort her (she can be a bit funny overnight.) Is it just me?

I never had a night away from my children. In fact the first time I had a weekend away from them was a couple of years ago when they were older teens.
It was my choice though, my husband would he e coped if I had but I never really wanted to.
I knew lots of other mums who did and that was their choice.
Everyone is different and nobody is wrong

You don't want one- fine
Dh can't cope so you basically don't trust him- not fine

Funny thing is when I go away the kids sleep through the night.lol They just love me so much they want to see me at midnight.

I married a highly intelligent man but since he never figured out how to breastfeed, I had to stick around at nights (and yes I breastfed in line with WHO recommendations so that meant youngest was about 3 when I could leave her because she wouldn’t take bottle).

I can SORT of sympathise with the night wakes because you've said DH is away in the week and has health issues and mine also has health issues/medication that means night wakes are hard and I do the majority (although not all). And I can sort of see how you have fallen into that pattern and it's hard to get out of.

But wtf is with the "bedtime would be late/chaotic" stuff? Do you mean to say he never even puts his own children to bed?!

How pathetic. A dad that can’t parent.

She’s probably funny as she know she can get away with it with mum … likely be fine with dad.

One night away hardly makes you a part time parent … get a grip

Yes because you are spending so much time with them while they’re sleeping 🙄

Gosh how bizarre. Just let your husband crack on.

They can cope … they just don’t have to.

My son would have been the same as your kids if I had allowed and enabled it like you and your husband. I made sure I had nights/days out or away and he may have been unsettled the first time but then learned that everything was ok without me there which I think was really important incase I got ill or had to go oversees for a family funeral. I would have felt very overwhelmed if everything was down to me. It was also important to my partner that the kids could settle with him at night, You have both caused this and they don’t know any different. I knew my partner could cope fine even if they were unsettled too

He would cope, the kids would settle … this is a YOU problem.

Because they don't know until it's too late.

Totally, most men would just nod and agree with any parental discussions pre pregnancy and the reality is very different

Me and my partner went away for 5 nights when our daughter was 8months old, and have done every year since, daughter has quality time with her grandparents. She also sleeps at their house one night every week and has done since being 3 weeks old. Also regularly sleeps at friends’ houses.

I do not understand women who insist their partners are incapable, nor do I understand women who believe them without question. If it was men assuming we were incapable of doing a thing, it’d be called misogyny. There’s no evidence her husband can’t handle the children, in fact it sounds like OP has never allowed him to demonstrate.

I find it tough being away from my kids, I feel jealous of others that have reliable support to be able to go away for a night, or even to go out in the evening without worrying how kids will deal with bedtime.
And to be honest a but judge of parents that leave their babies to go away on a jolly.
On the other hand, it makes the separation easier in older years

Your own sanity aside, you have left your DH and DC unable to cope should you ever be unavailable for a night or two. If you ever need an overnight hospital stay or to rush away for some other emergency, your family are completely unprepared. YABVU

Honestly, OP, don't worry - this will all change. My DC are adult now but I am currently struggling to go away and leave my cats overnight! (Definitely a me problem, not a cat problem)

Wow, I don't think OP was asking for a medal, she's was literally asking if she was the odd one out. The first time I left my daughter she was 7 months and that was jusy to go and do a yoga class for an hour. I had to leave her overnight when she was 18 month but only because I work nights and went back to work. My parents never left is overnight, they didn't have anyone to babysit so never had a night away, why is it now ground upon to not leave your kids. I think that's weird.

I never had a night away from my children, apart from being in hospital giving birth to the second one and the first was farmed out by DH to his mother because “looking after a child isn’t his job!” Hence he’s now my ex.

However, both my AC have left the children with spouses……..and we had a fabulous girly weekend away! I've got two amazing sons-in-law!

This thread is baffling. My DH is perfectly capable of being the primary caregiver but I've never left DS overnight because he was exclusively breastfeed and woke a lot in the night and milk was the quickest way to get him back to sleep. DH is physically incapable of providing that comfort.

He's now 2.5 and I'm due our second. I expect he'll find the potential night time separation really difficult but it's necessary and he and whoever cares for him will survive. That doesn't mean I want to put everyone through that regularly just so I can have a night away that I don't need nor particularly feel I need.

OK, but in that case surely you'd stop at one then?

More fool you...

you deserve a break I’m sure you husband would cope ! X