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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shocked by DP arranging for a woman to join us in the bedroom

274 replies

Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:16

I’ve changed my name for obvious reasons.

I have officially lost it with DP. We have been together for a few years, and he has always made it clear his ‘fantasy’ is to involve another woman in the bedroom. I’ve always said it’s not my thing, which he says he respects and that’s why it is just a fantasy.

On Saturday we were out, fairly drunk and he brought this up again. I laughed and said ‘never say never’ - very much jokingly.

Fast forward to yesterday. We were having dinner and he said ‘remember on Saturday you said you’d be open to introducing someone else. Well I have a proposition’. I firstly said I didn’t recall saying that, and secondly asked what on earth did he mean.

Basically, he explained he had ‘found’ someone who’d be willing to join us. This is someone online with a few hundred reviews on a website and photos of her wearing next to nothing. He said it would be at his expense.

I was speechless initially then I hit the roof, I told him how dare he go behind my back and think something like this would be appropriate.

He meekly apologised, but said he took my answer at the weekend to be a positive one and got carried away.

Am I wrong to be completely astounded at his actions?

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 30/04/2026 20:49

Bloody hell. What a leap there.
I mean he may have heard rhe never say never and thought ok. Maybe she is interested or more open now and then that was his opening for another conversation .. to see if you were indeed rethinking and then, if so, to discuss some details.

I don't like how quick he lept on this and basically searched and found the solution. Would give me the ick

Netcurtainnelly · 30/04/2026 20:49

is his brain in his trousers?

darksideofthetoon · 30/04/2026 20:49

This reply has been deleted

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Additup · 30/04/2026 20:51

I'm pretty liberal, but FFS, hiring prostitute to join you both in the bedroom is unpleasant on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.

SnappyQuoter · 30/04/2026 20:52

What about this man made you think yes, this is the one for life? He sounds grim. And sounds like he’s been like that for a long time.

Screamingabdabz · 30/04/2026 20:52

Why are still with him?

Nothankyov · 30/04/2026 20:52

If you both were interested in this option threesome situation it would be one thing. I’m very much to each their own sort of girl.

For me the problem is that he acted on it after a drunken conversation without sense checking with you sober - especially as you have told you in the past that this is a no for you.

Not sure what I would do in your scenario but I wouldn’t really be able to be be with a man that thinks it’s ok to “share” me (as he put it) or vice versa.

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 30/04/2026 20:52

I’d also be pretty fucked off with how quickly he managed to line up a prostitute too. Did he have her on speed dial?! Vile man

Tiptopflipflop · 30/04/2026 20:53

It's one thing to get carried away and have a look on some swinging sites to find some pictures to show you or whatever, albeit I would have been very annoyed. But to assume that. you would.be comfortable wiyh him buying another woman's consent is just grim.

This behaviour tells you all you need to know about how he feels about and treats women. I would not want to continue in this relationship.

PopcornKitten · 30/04/2026 20:54

Even if he had interpreted your ‘never say never’ as a yes surely this is something you arrange together with a further discussion not him steam rolling ahead to choose the partner.

Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:54

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 30/04/2026 20:52

I’d also be pretty fucked off with how quickly he managed to line up a prostitute too. Did he have her on speed dial?! Vile man

He did show me the message exchange and I was shocked at the speed of it. A couple of messages back and forth was all it was.

OP posts:
BlakeCarrington · 30/04/2026 20:54

Yes I’d have hit the roof too OP, how sordid of him.
You sound like you’ve got your head screwed on. How are you feeling and how are you going to react?

PilatesAndLattes · 30/04/2026 20:55

I’d find it pathetic he’d have to pay for another women to join more than anything. Doesn’t make him very desirable does it?

Error404FucksNotFound · 30/04/2026 20:56

The fact he got all this sorted so quickly tells me he was already in contact prior to this. Probably been trawling sites getting off on talking about it for years.

Brownbl · 30/04/2026 20:56

If this really happened I cannot believe any woman with an ounce of self esteem would continue to see such an utter creep.

Involving you with some poor sex worker?
Time to cut him loose now that you really know how low into the gutter he goes.

XMissPlacedX · 30/04/2026 20:56

OMG 😦! What a fucking thing to hit you with! Any chance he is having some sort of mid life fucking crisis and had a moment of madness? otherwise WTF? Fucking men and their dicks!

Icecreamisthebest · 30/04/2026 20:58

I’d end it. Next time he’s going to get you drunk and have someone waiting in the bedroom when you get home. He just cares about what he wants and has no respect for you. What a sad little man

Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:58

BlakeCarrington · 30/04/2026 20:54

Yes I’d have hit the roof too OP, how sordid of him.
You sound like you’ve got your head screwed on. How are you feeling and how are you going to react?

Fortunately I am not seeing him again until next week as he has his kids this weekend. So I have time to consider things.

OP posts:
Tontostitis · 30/04/2026 21:01

Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:41

I challenged him as to why he thought this would be the route to go down and he said he ‘thought if would be preferable to asking one of our single friends’ 😑

Bloody hell has he got a death wish?

outerspacepotato · 30/04/2026 21:01

He's trying to repeatedly coerce you into a sex act you've said no to. He tried to gaslight you that you consented while under the influence. It also involved a sex worker that he would pay, so he's ok using women who are likely trafficked.

This man has no respect for you and does not respect your no. He would violate consent. You need to run.

Do not get drunk around him. He's a danger to you.

MaybeIamJustABitch · 30/04/2026 21:03

@Aprilsun2 This will be your time to get your ducks in a row whilst he has his kids. Time to absorb, reflect etc., whatever you need to do. 💐

UncannyFanny · 30/04/2026 21:06

Brandyb · 30/04/2026 20:19

Never say never definitely doesn't mean now

No, but it does mean she would be open to considering it.

BlakeCarrington · 30/04/2026 21:06

Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:58

Fortunately I am not seeing him again until next week as he has his kids this weekend. So I have time to consider things.

That’s good that you have a bit of time to get your head around it, what a shocker, I’m sorry he’s being so seedy.

I agree with @outerspacepotato - this sounds like a gradual drip feed to try to coerce you into something you’re not comfortable with.

id take it as the opportunity to draw the line now, emphasising this escalation stops now and you are not into it so stop bloody trying. Otherwise he needs to sod off.

ClearFruit · 30/04/2026 21:06

Fucking hell. Leave.

DinoDoughnut81 · 30/04/2026 21:07

I would be very worried at how quickly he has booked a sex worker from a website. Some people go for threesomes but that's not usually the done thing. I'd be very suspicious. I don't think I'd look at a man the same way to be honest.