Shocked by DP arranging for a woman to join us in the bedroom

[Aprilsun2]

I’ve changed my name for obvious reasons.

I have officially lost it with DP. We have been together for a few years, and he has always made it clear his ‘fantasy’ is to involve another woman in the bedroom. I’ve always said it’s not my thing, which he says he respects and that’s why it is just a fantasy.

On Saturday we were out, fairly drunk and he brought this up again. I laughed and said ‘never say never’ - very much jokingly.

Fast forward to yesterday. We were having dinner and he said ‘remember on Saturday you said you’d be open to introducing someone else. Well I have a proposition’. I firstly said I didn’t recall saying that, and secondly asked what on earth did he mean.

Basically, he explained he had ‘found’ someone who’d be willing to join us. This is someone online with a few hundred reviews on a website and photos of her wearing next to nothing. He said it would be at his expense.

I was speechless initially then I hit the roof, I told him how dare he go behind my back and think something like this would be appropriate.

He meekly apologised, but said he took my answer at the weekend to be a positive one and got carried away.

Am I wrong to be completely astounded at his actions?

She said "No" so many times that he shoud have not asked her again. If she had said, "When pigs fly", would he have been checking airplane passenger manifests?

He had no business asking again. At this point it is leaning into coercion.

OP--think really hard about whether this is what you want. He won't stop asking and I would start to wonder who he might decide to visit without you Honestly, it just gives me the ick.

I have just come on to update that I’ve ended it with him. I spoke to a friend at the weekend about this and she told me about a previous proposition he had made to her own husband. She didn’t tell me as she wanted to protect me and she thought it was just a silly thing when he was drunk.

I have also discovered that he first contacted the third party over a year ago; to make tentative enquiries.

Ah, you're well rid. Look after yourself.

Well done, OP. Onwards and upwards. You are well rid of him.

Weird that he took a drunken comment to mean you’d changed your mind about something you’d firmly told him you’re not interested in. Hope springs eternal I guess.

This sort of carry on would give me the ick ngl. A threesome with a sex worker? No thank you.

Edit: oh just glanced up and saw your update. Don’t blame you.

Oh come on, he immediately jumped on a jokey, vague drunken comment and booked a sex worker. He knew what he was doing. (Or so he thought.)

You've done the best thing Op, now you know about the SW and your friend's DH there's no going back

You’ve done the right thing ending it. You should both be on board with something like this not just one person.

He approached your friend’s husband? Did he want to have sex with the husband, or was he asking for permission to sleep with the wife? How disgusting of him either way, to disrespect you so much by going to your friends for sex behind your back. And your friend choosing not to tell you… I’d be having a conversation with her about that.

Glad you’ve left him. He is definitely the wrong guy.

He wanted to join both of them. My friend said she weighed up telling me for a long time but decided not to.

Your friend's intentions may have been good but she could have saved you from wasting a year on this man. I don't think it was her secret to keep.

You are well rid. His obsession with it is beyond weird.

Ask him if you can bring another man into the bedroom…bet he won’t be so keen then.

That is a very good update OP. This man was only going to keep trying to break you until you said yes. He really wasn't a decent or kind human being.

You have done the right thing, Aprilsun. Congratulations.

Better things are ahead.

Glad to hear you're done with him. What a sex pest he is!

Proof that keeping secrets like this is harmful.

Friend you say.....

So him saying a SW was easier than involving a friend was another lie, he'd take whoever he could get. So glad you've dumped him Op

Your so called friend could of saved you all this hassle a year ago ffs

good he’s dumped but remember to block on everything cos I’ve a feeling he’ll be back they usually do.

So sorry @Aprilsun2. Hope you are okay.