To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

1. she isn’t your friend. She is a cheeky fucker banking on you rolling over. If she actually saw you as a friend she wouldn’t be doing this.
2. you won’t be the reason her kids don’t have a holiday. That will be on HER.

And that is exactly what she knows you are thinking. I bet that was her plan all along.

You are not responsible for her kids, she is and if anyone is to blame it is her for fucking you around. Friends do not do that, arseholes do. I don't think she is much of a friend either. Time to cut the cord.

Exactly this!!!

Her kids aren’t your responsibility.

You won’t be the reason they don’t have a holiday.

She will be the reason they don’t have a holiday.

I’d be mortified treating someone like this

She should be paying 2/3rd if she's bringing 4 out of 6 people.

Go on your own, or with some other people.

I think you have two options:

1. Tell her that you cannot afford to subsidise her / are not willing to and she needs to pay £X by an agreed date before the hols - otherwise they won't be welcome to come with you (as you will need her "half" to pay for your bills/food/train when there)
2. Tell her that you cannot afford to subsidise her / are not willing to and she needs to pay £X by an agreed date after the hols - accepting that you may never get this back. And if she doesn't pay it, you never put yourself in that position again and you are clear to her that she has lost your goodwill and will not do a holiday with her again.

Option 2 is the pushover option but may give you the marginally better chance of saving your friendship. Only you know if you can live with 1 or 2.

Edited to add: And yes don't pay for ANYTHING for her if she does come with you whether she pays you before you go or not. Be clear on that with her before you go too.
If she can't afford a holiday, she can't. It's not a god given right that we all get holidays. Sometimes things are tight and we go without one. Boo hoo.

You won’t be the reason her kids don’t get a holiday, that’s totally on her. If she comes along for free, it won’t stop there will it? You’ll be paying for all the groceries, takeaways, ice creams and tourist attractions. People like this rely on guilt tripping kind and generous people, it’s cheeky fucker behaviour of the highest order. You already offered to pay more than your share - don’t let her take the piss out of you and abuse your generosity and good nature.

You’re not the reason her kids don’t get a holiday. She is.

Exactly what I was going to type.

It’s unbelievable. I would understand if she told you she was really struggling, asked you to cover it and she would pay you in clearly defined instalments (and you believed her to be reliable).

But to just present to you that she can’t afford the train tickets too as if it’s your problem not hers is totally brazen.

OP, you are a lovely person who has now come up against a limit that you cannot accept - it's good that you are paying attention to that limit and it is honestly not in anyone's interest to pander to your friend's demands. I understand why you feel sad for your friend's kids, it's not their fault of course, but pandering to their mum's pisstaking is not going to help them in the long run.

She needs to pay what was agreed.

Your so called friend is really taking the piss. She's done this before to you. You need to make a stand. Just find someone else to go with and tell CF friend as she's not paid you are taking someone else.

A friend wouldn't take the pee like this. She's no friend and no, I'd rather lose money than go on holiday now with this person and pretend everything is ok.

If she can afford the train and to pay you back, how is she going to afford anything fun on the holiday? While I have sympathy for many people as times are tough, she shouldn't have agreed in the first place.

SHE is the reason her kids won’t get a holiday.

It is NOT mean to ask someone to pay what THEY OWE.

Im shouting cos im so furious on your behalf, she’s playing you for a mug and hoping you’ll give in and pay.

Dont do it or you will have the wrath of MN on your head for all eternity. 😄

You're not the reason her kids don't get a holiday. She is.

If she'd paid you, they'd have a holiday.

She is the reason you are out of pocket.

This, but without the “I hope you don’t mind”. Who cares if she minds? You can’t afford to pay for her holiday and have made other plans. Do not explain yourself further.

To be frank, she’s not really a friend, she’s a sponger. I wouldn’t mind betting she’ll drop you now, and good riddance.

You are not the reason her kids don't get a holiday - SHE is the reason they don't go on holiday

*this one nails it!

Yanbu tell her to transfer cash to you if she wants to come, and to put the train tickets on a credit card

She should pay her share of the holiday - cheeky monkey!! If she doesn't - definitely don't refund her deposit!
She's lost that as if you do go on your own - the holiday has cost you way more than it should have done and it will offset some of your costs.

Her and kids could get the mega bus instead and pay you

She's got form for playing you, and you have let her.
She is actually liable for the greater share of the holiday expenses.

A way of re-framing this to give you some sand to tell her no go is that by subbing her, you are giving away money that rightly belongs to the upkeep of your children. Why would you do this?

It's likely to mean the end of the friendship, of course. So many threads on MN where the refusal of CF "friends" means you never see them again.

Ps yanbu to expect payment of half the accom even if she doesn’t come, as she agreed to pay it why should you be paying for empty rooms! Can anyone else go instead?