To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

As everyone else has said, same as if I booked a holiday and then never paid the balance, it would be my fault my kids didn't get a holiday. Not yours.

Have you heard from her? What did you decide to do?

So @Ohnoyoudont2 have you made a decision yet?

It's hard when you see yourself as being responsible for someone else's failings. but don't let yourself take the flak for your friends' kids missing out on a holiday!! Now we are heading into May itself - your friend needs to step up and work out a way to afford the holiday without leaning on you to pay the whole thing. If she were someone you could trust and rely on to pay you back then that would be fair enough but it seems like she may have used you before but not fully recompensed you which is totally unfair on you. Hope you get something sorted soon.

You're too nice OP. She's a CF and it's not your problem that her kids don't get a holiday. Invite someone else and block her or go with your kids, accept the loss of the funds and block her. Either way she's a grifter.

That is really really kind of you, but YOU are not the reason her DC don't have a holiday!

Your friend is, and so is the DCs' father. He sounds like a deadbeat dad, expecting others to support the DC he can't be bothered with.

@Glitterinthegrey nothing says that kids have to have a holiday. Just a modern expectation.
Yes to salvaging it by getting someone else to go with you.

@Glitterinthegrey how has it been resolved?

Clearly it is the mother's fault if they do not get a hiday, not yours.

Omg that is awful, she has taken the absolute piss! Surely she realised when she first agreed to go that she couldn't afford it?! Can you change the booking so it's just you and your child? I would go without her - and reconsider the friendship. This seems very thoughtless of your friend.

She isn't your friend, friends don't do that.

Well in your first post at 1.06 you said “if you can afford it, let them come” - and OP has clearly said she can’t, so your opinion is useless and worthless.

You really do sound like a push over....

The reason her kids wouldn't get a holiday is because their mum is a CF who can't be bothered to get organised and pay for hers and their share of the cost. She had the chance, it was even all arranged by the sound of it. She just didn't want to pay?

The lack of holiday is her doing entirely.

I’m going to file this question under “ask a silly question — your ‘friend’ is attempting to screw you.”

I have a friend like this. We never travel together but we go out to eat frequently.
One in our group always pays and it’s always fair. We don’t sweat the small stuff. We each take turns.
This friend I’m referring to has a university degree, is bright, funny and fun to be around.
She has always absolutely refused to work. Her husband supported her but he died & left her nothing - so her niece pays for her now: her rent, her food, her phone, etc.
I could NEVER allow someone pay my bills, but whatever.
So we go out to eat frequently - and it’s a given we’ll have to absorb her meal cost - that’s fine! We’re happy to pay for her since we’ve known her for over 50 years.
But she plays Poor Pitiful Pearl and gets the cheapest meal on the menu, so while we’re all enjoying our burgers, she’s eating peanut butter and jelly.
We ALWAYS stress GET WHAT YOU WANT - and we all do - except her. And she behaves like her lack of funds has been thrust upon her instead of because of HER OWN ACTIONS - or lack of them.
Just get the meal you want. You aren’t fooling anybody.
Sooo frustrating.

Absolutely no chance! It will cost her a small fortune having to provide for those 4! That money could be put into her daughters bank account! If the friend doesn't have the funds that's her problem and so is the children's dissapointment!

She's the reason why her kids aren't able to have a holiday. You can tell her that.

I would ask around other friends, to see who could take her place. She's taking the piss, it's not fair on you OP (and I don't think I'd enjoy having someone like that on my holiday after they've done this).