To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

I agree, she's not a friend she's a freeloader I would personally prefer to have no friends than be linked to a user. You are worth more than that and if she is a real friend she will understand

This.

Also, in future, tell your friend you are struggling financially, and that you can't pay for her anymore. And point out it can impact your friendship, so just offer to do cheaper things and don't go on holiday together(!)

But this time, as you offered to pay it and there are children involved, I would do it and wait for her to pay you back. If she doesn't, then you know the friendship is over. Maybe get it in writing first, on a text or email, how much she owes you and agree a repayment amount / plan as that looks better in court.

There are also two other words beginning with “f” other than friend. Freeloader is one and the other sounds like ducking 🤔

But you are not!?

SHE is - by telling them about it and then not paying!

I don't think anyone would enjoy the holiday on that basis.

You aren't, she is! Don't let me know her stupidity make you feel guilty. She's done this to her kids.

Haha wait until after the holiday to sort the legal stuff, of course 😁

Just the bad feeling I mean.

I see it’s already been answered but yes
just to confirm I meant cheeky fucker!

I have paid for friends many times. Similar circumstances. Never again. Never ends well. They just expect more. Next comes they can't afford food, can't afford to go places and do things and you never get the money back and sit back and watch them all the things they usually buy because they usually havent

Your being to kind . She will have you paying for everything while your away . Tell her chip in or she doesn't go .

You won’t be the reason her kids don’t get a holiday. Unless you have agreed to pay for the holiday in full then she has to pay her share especially as she has more heads to include than you. If she doesn’t pay then look elsewhere as you said your child’s friend or a family memeber or another friend with children

Your not- She is

Tell her it’s cancelled as you can’t afford to pay for her and kids. Then go away on your own with your child.

I'd tell her to "go forth and multiply" or just plain "fuck off". She is totally taking the piss, expecting you to subsidise her AND her three children.

Nah - just tell her if she doesn't pay her way, she's going nowhere. You've already paid for the bloody holiday, then she wants you to pay for her train tickets. What about spending money? Will she expect you to be her ATM?

Do yourself a huge favour and do what I said at the start. And MEAN it!

What have you decided to do, @Glitterinthegrey?

Can you post a link to that thread please?

I know, I'm just nosy and would love to know the outcome..
Could anyone do a post, about follow ups on MNers, I love to know what advice ppl went with and the outcomes.

Don't be a doormat. Cancel her off the holiday. It's on her that her kids don't get a holiday not you. If you will lose money cancelling her off then ask if your child would like to ask a couple of friends to go to fill the spaces then you're not wasting money & your child has others to do things with. She's a CF expecting you to pay for her holiday. If you still want her to go give her a date to pay at least half before you go & then agree a payment plan so she pays the rest off over xx weeks/months.

Yep! When you’ve had enough interest in a post to get 400+ replies, it’s just kind to come back and fill us in!

I'm guessing that @Glitterinthegrey has capitulated, accepted a token payment if any and agreed that the friend and her children can go rather than put her foot down and have it out. She hasn't come back because she doesn't want to admit that she's allowing herself to be taken advantage of and has probably decided to draw a line under it and never go on holiday with this "friend" again.