To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

If you can cancel the accommodation and get a smaller place for you and your DC, I would do that. You'll probably end up subsidising food and activities for her and her kids as well if she comes, and you probably won't see any of that money again.

Very bad friend

Sort it now or you will be paying for food etc when you get there

To be totally honest, I don’t see the logic of pressing on with arranging a holiday when she never paid up. Like why are we discussing trains when she hasn’t been paid for the flight/accommodation etc. I would disinvite her and just enjoy the holiday with your family.

@Glitterinthegrey who will pay for food when you are there? Ice cream and treats for the kids ? Your best off cutting your loses, she can’t afford to go and you don’t want to give her a free holiday .

Of course you are not being unreasonable!! Not only would she be taking the mick, presumably if she can't afford to pay for the accommodation, she won't be able to afford food or any other extras while you are there? She is obviously hoping you will tell her not to worry, and she get a free holiday.

Yanbu.

Even if she does pay you, sounds like she's not got any spending money saved up.

What are you planning to do @Glitterinthegrey? Hope the responses gave you some confidence to say no!

She can afford the train or pay you.

Buying food should be fun then. That too, will be shifted onto you.

‘Ah that’s a shame, obviously you still owe me your share but I will do my best to sell it on for you ‘

Yes this.

She’s a CF & actually should be paying more than you with 3 DCs!! If she doesn’t pay in full she doesn’t go. Invite someone else who will pay.

You are being totally reasonable. Your friend cannot afford the holiday and to expect you to pay is insane.

It is also mean. She has put you in a position where she can blame you for spoiling her DC's holiday, and your own DC may blame you for spoiling theirs (if they were looking forward to going together).

Do NOT let her get away with it, but you may have to work extra hard to make sure your DC enjoys the holiday. But do it anyway. Good luck.

No, Yanbu. Did she miss all the payments or the final payment? If it was the final payment and
a good friend I’d allow her to repay her payment until after the trip.
Times are tough at the moment. If you can depend on her, then I’d defer the payment.
EDIT. I see it is the full amount, so no I wouldn’t defer the payment.

Can you tell her you have cancelled it but just go with someone else instead?

No way would I pay for that cheeky bitch.

What I can say, with 100% certainty, is that if you go on this holiday with her (regardless of the money) is that this will be a complete and utter disaster.

She’s either a complete CF, got absolutely no money, doesn’t want to go or a mixture of the 3. If she comes I would bet you’ll end up subsidising her and her kids, making all the arrangements and doing the childcare. At some point someone will break something and you’ll end up having to pay for her. Then you’ll have a massive row and one family will come home early.

Just save yourself the hassle- say “Totally understand, no worries, I’ll take the kids on my own this year and maybe we can get together at home for a day out instead over the summer.”

@Glitterinthegrey I’m assuming you’re not at an all-inclusive, so could you say that she pays for all food and drinks for you and DS whilst away? Do you think this would cover the 50% holiday cost?

YANBU. I don’t even know you personally but I’ll be annoyed with you if you let her have a free holiday. One way or another this friendship may be over though. If you pay, you’ll probably just be resentful and maybe fall out on/after the holiday. If you don’t pay she’ll just stop talking to you.

Ffs why are people coming on to the internet to ask questions like this OFC YANBU

I would invite someone else

Lol....Do you believe in The Tooth Fairy and Father Christmas? There's as much chance of this mooching imbecile footing the food and drinks bill as there is of you knitting fog....😆

So many CF in the world and she is definitely one of them.

Good God! She is not your friend.

Don’t believe in those but I have been known to be a bit of a pushover when it comes to dishing out money.

Absolutely this.

"Sorry but I can't afford to pay your share. Please pay in full by x date, if you can't i'll find another friend to go"
.

Never pay on behalf. Always collect the money then pay.