To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

Yeah I would say there’s a 0% chance of the CF having a penny to her name for the whole holiday. I suspect if they do get there the OP will be faced with the choice of either living on noodles and tap water for the entire holiday or paying for the CF and all of her kids to eat out.

There's no mention of a caravan in the OP.

Yes, this.

Gosh, so many replies.

To answer a few questions: we have been friends for many years. Our lives took quite different paths, although we both ended up as single parents.

She paid the initial deposit (£50 each) and planned to pay me monthly, but didn't.

We generally get a supermarket delivery and then just eat out a couple of times in the week. Activities are kept low key and inexpensive but we have fun.

This isn't the first time she has done something like this, but this is the worst. It's clear she thinks I'm a mug.

I can't cancel or change the accommodation. I could see if a friend or two of my child would be able to join us.

Even reading back my OP, I realise I sound like a total pushover. I just don't want to be the reason her kids don't get a holiday.

Their mother and father are the reason they wont get a holiday. You did everything you could to help.

You're not the reason her kids don't get a holiday, she is.

That's not on you though, that's on her not paying for it!

You are not the reason her kids won’t go on holiday - she is!

You wouldn't be the reason, her inability to pay is the reason. If you pay for her you are doing yourself and children out of money which you could have spent on something else
And if you let her come I would think the resentment you feel (rightfully so) would.come out.

Tbh i think youre generous paying 50:50 when shes 4 people and you're 2.

It would be more reasonable for you to pay 1/3

Shes taking the piss

Bless you @Glitterinthegrey

My DH has a friend like this. We are always helping him (his family who we love) but the “loaned” money is never paid back because a bill of some sort comes up.

I’d cut slack as much as possible this time then absolutely nothing booked in advance unless the money is put up first.

as the saying goes- no good deed goes unpunished” - don’t cover for anyone else again

Absolutely not unreasonable. I would couch it however as that you can’t (rather than won’t) afford to pay for her share of the holiday if you want to avoid an argument and keep the friendship.

You wouldn't be the reason her kids don’t get a holiday, she would. If she wants them to have a holiday then she needs to put her hand in her pocket.

a simple message to her saying, "As you can't afford this holiday, I hope you dont mind but I've lined up someone else who can come instead."

See if she miraculously put her hand in her pocket. It's obvious she's planned this thinking you'd end up paying for her to go, treating you as a mug. .

Maybe frame it as "I can't afford to shoulder the full cost, therefore had to work out a plan."

You won't be. She is 100% responsible for her kids not going on holiday because she can't/won't pay for it, and you are not responsible for subsidising her. Just tell her, in a friendly manner, that as she can't pay for the accommodation, you and your DC will be going alone. End of discussion. It wouldn't surprise me if the money miraculously materialises once she realises you aren't going to sub her the accommodation costs. However, you'll probably end up feeling obliged to sub food/travel/activities when she's actually there and once again claiming she's short of funds. And she'll probably try to make you feel guilty for asking her to pay for the accommodation by complaining about being broke the whole time.

So she hasn’t made any contribution to the holiday? And now saying she can’t afford the train fare either?

Definitely say to her she can’t come. You’d resent every penny she spent on holiday on meals, alcohol, new holiday clothing etc, knowing she hasn’t paid a penny.

If she’d paid for the accomadation, and was just short for the train fare, that would be different, but diesn’t sound like she’s made any effort to pay.

This - or perhaps reply with - if you don’t pay me, I can’t afford the train fare or the food when we get there, so leave it with me, I have another friend who may be able to come instead.

And you’re not the reason her kids don’t get a holiday, she is. Don’t feel guilty at all.

What an awful friend. Don’t feel
guilty in the slightest. Just tell her she can’t come. Then invite someone else instead

YANBU, but I'd be prepared that she'll be (unreasonably) angry with you and potentially end the friendship or at least try to make you feel terrible for not giving her family a free holiday. That said, I wouldn't place much value on this friendship as it stands if she's willing to take advantage to this extent. It's not your fault if her kids miss out this time. Don't take on that emotional burden.

She's the reason her kids can't go on holiday, nobody else.

She is totally taking the piss. Tell her you cannot afford it all l and if she does not pay her share you will be cancelling the holiday. I would not ever invite her again either.

She will be the reason her kids don’t get a holiday because she is a CF.

you wouldn’t be, that would be her.

Course she pays ! And ideally more then 50/50 as 4 of her to 2 of you