To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

She will be the reason! 🙄

I’m embarrassed for her - how awful not to pay when she said she would.

Tell her that you need to be paid in full by bank transfer or they cannot come.

If you end up taking some of your dds friends (or even if she comes£ look into groupsave train tickets. It’s a big discount for 4+

You’re taking responsibility for something that isn’t yours. It is not “your fault” or hers if she can’t afford to go on holiday. Holidays are an unnecessary luxury. Don’t feel guilty and just go yourself or bring a friend who can pay their way.

Remember this, what you spend on her and her children is taking from your own. This would be very different if you had offered to pay from the outset, but that wasn’t on the table. She didn’t have to say yes. She chose to. Now her choice is; pay up, or don’t go.

Either cancel or go with just your teenager.

The ‘friend’ is no longer welcome as she thinks she doesn’t have to pay.

Half would have been a bargain as her half was going to cover 4 people your half only 2.

If it’s going to make you feel that bad then just agree to still go this time. Just order a supermarket shop no other treats though.

then from now on you never invite the friend or plan a holiday with them again.

Also look for cheap train tickets there’s a few different railcards like the family rail card .

You’re not the reason. The mother is. Sounds like instead of gradually saving up for this, she was just banking on you covering the costs.

You have no obligation to pay for her and it’s not as if you told her you would cover it so she’s out of order.

I’d tell her you can’t afford to pay for her and her family and you’ll be inviting someone else.

I’d be embarrassed to go on holiday with someone if they treated me like that as it would be clear they had little respect for me. And I’d wonder if the friendship was based on them expecting me to be a doormat.

The fact that she was due to pay half the cost for 4 people when you were paying half for 2 people should have shot that red flag straight up the flagpole.

I would cancel the whole thing if you can do so without losing money, or find someone else to go with you.

Do not under any circumstances* offer her the chance to pay even less.

• unless she is offering you a kidney , if so maybe reconsider.

You won't be she should have planned better.

It's frustrating that you have been placed in this predicament but please listen to what the general consensus response has been OP. If you allow her not to pay for the holiday, you are also indirectly enabling her behaviour. I hope you're able to resolve this with her and maintain your friendship.

I'd tell her it's not a good idea and you're not willing to pay up front.

"Sarah, sorry, I can't shoulder the holiday costs for you and the kids. I'm sorry, but you'll have to sit this one out."

Sarah: I'll pay you back.

"I just can't do that up front, sorry."

Guaranteed that if OP pays up front the pay back will be dragged out forever, OP will chase it, friend will ignore and stop paying.
And, on holiday Sarah will continue to take advantage of OP.

If the friend doesn’t have the money to pay for a caravan holiday then the OP should not suggest an instalment plan! She’s not a bank!!

The mistake you made was paying it when she couldn't and also you are not responsible for her kids getting a holiday or not.

You are being a lovely freind but she is using you as a doormat as you must know you will never see a penny once the holiday is over.

If she goes with you and you pay, resentment will build. Go without her and you can keep the friendship (albeit slightly changed).

I've made this mistake in the past and regretted it. I've learned to nip pisstaking in the bud now.

Be her friend but not her mark.

She needs to pay. Tell friend that you can not afford to pay all of her accommodation.

Tell friend that you can invite one of her children, as a friend for your teenager, and that you will invite your mother (sister and child, another friend etc) who can pay for her initial share.

Give her this option promptly so that she has time to save and reconsider paying you back. Give her a date by which you need the payment.

But OP, kindly, you’re not the reason - she is.

As someone who is also a single mother to an only child, I imagine part of the problem is that your child (and probably you as well) would have much more fun if they did come?

Difficult one. You could try to find another family, offer to take only her children, or else get her to commit to paying you back? Or suggest she and her kids do all the cooking and washing up?

If the energy shock in the Middle East does push prices up soon (I’m not sure it will?) it could be her last chance for a holiday for a while. But by no means should you be a doormat. I’ve got a friend - not a single mother but a mother of three, and often holidays without her husband - and I’ve only just woken up to how extractive her friendship is.

She's taking advantage of your good nature op - tell her she can't come if she doesn’t pay

The holiday is going to suck now whatever happens so the main thing is I just wouldn't get stuck with her. The only ethical way for her to approach this if she really didn't have the money would have been to talk to you honestly at the beginning and ask for your help. Instead she's tried to trap you into it and given you no chance to say no. Sounds like she's in denial about her money problems which means you'll end up paying for more things while you're away. Swerve it and have a holiday you'll actually enjoy, that time is precious.

She would be the reason. Not you.

She’s the reason not you

This is the fluffy version

Of course you are a pushover why on earth do you think it is unreasonable to say pay or dont go it really is simple

The cheek of her! She had that planned all along. She sees you as a cash cow.

If friend asked you to pay for her to go on holiday, you would say no, same answer in this scenario.

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Their parents would be the reason. Don’t be a pushover! Ask someone else, and if she asks for the £50 back, you can say it went towards other money she clearly owes you.

You are not responsible for her life choices!