To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

I would contact the place and reduce the accommodation to what you need. If she finds the funds she can book her own. Otherwise this is just a nightmare as everyone has said

I agree, say you’ll find someone else as you can’t afford to pay it all (even if you can).
she must have know a long time ago she didn’t have the money for it, trains, spending money.

Absolutely not. If you can’t switch to a smaller cottage/caravan, you and DD can enjoy the additional space if you can’t find other friends of yours or of DD who can join you.

YANBU OP. She's being cheeky and wants you to say she can go for free. She's let you pay the lion's share of the cost, delayed paying you and now she's trying to get away with paying nothing at all. Don't accept less than the agreed half share.

"I'd just say Friend, I've helped you out by agreeing to pay half the cost, but if money's tight, I'll just go on my own with my DC this time."

See what she said but prepare to go alone. What sort of holiday is it? Could she just turn up without paying?

I can't believe she's put you in this position OP. Don't suppose you have anyone else you could take?

100pc. She will just keep asking unfortunately

Of course it's not unreasonable to tell someone you aren't prepared to pay for their family holiday!

But when she hadn't saved up any of the money when the time came to pay, and you didn't have her set up a standing order to start paying you back, you surely had an inkling this was a good possibility. Has something happened since then that's made you more reluctant to cover her? Or did she have an elaborate narrative for her circumstances that you no longer believe?

If she doesn’t pay before the holiday, you’ll have no chance of ever getting the money back when you get home.
Ask someone else to go

I wouldn’t agree to pay any of her share. Is there maybe someone else you can go with instead. I’d advertise the idea online eg I’d be delighted to come along (and pay!) if it were near enough to me.

She needs to pay ALL the cost.

She knew this was due so should have made an effort to save the money, or never agreed to go in the first place if she didn't have the funds.

Can you all travel together on the train on a friends and family railcard?

Could you arrange monthly instalments for her to pay the full amount?

So she’ll expect you to find her whilst you’re away? I’d tell her you’re going without her and will never plan to do anything with her again!

She won’t have any spending money either. Unless you want to subsidise her entire holiday you need to tell her she can’t come if she can’t pay.

You are too nice OP

if she doesn’t pay her half she doesn’t go but even then I wouldn’t let her off the hook. She should still pay it whether she goes or not

she is being a CF & trying to take advantage of you & get a free holiday.

even it you let her off the cost, will she even have spending money/money for food etc.

her lack of planning is not your problem, you already pay more than your fair share

From what you have said, I think you will be better off without her. I am surprised she doesn't look at bus/coach transport, which is usually cheaper than trains. It doesn't sound as though, in general, she is committed to managing her money sensibly. I am sorry for her children but you will have a much more enjoyable holiday without them.

If you pay any more, she'll only come back and say she's got no spending money, either. It'll never end with this one so tell the cheeky bastard to do one.

What a mooch! Well, if she can't afford to pay her share, then she doesn't go. She's not much of a friend either.

Perhaps someone else can take the spot?

Very unfair of your friend to put you in this position.

If she'd told you she was having issues, then I'd say cover her, if you can easily afford to. But for her just to assume you would isn't ok, unless she's had a new, genuine problem since promising to pay, say losing her job/her boss dropping her hours unexpectedly. If I was her in this situation I would have told you as soon as I knew, and asked whether we could reach an agreement regarding a payment plan, not just assume.

That’s appalling, how can she try to get a free holiday out of you. What will she do for spending money. She has to pay her share or not come, it will be a total stressful resentful situation for you if she free loads.

She is an absolute cheeky fucker. How is she not ashamed of herself. I wouldn’t even give her the chance to pay now, I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with someone who will so readily rip me off.
Any chance you can get a refund or at least partial? Or someone else to go in her place?

👆💯

Unless she has a history of massively helping you out over the years, then I think you need to just accept that she can't afford to go anymore and figure out what you want to do, go on your own, invite a friend of DD's or offer her half of the holiday to someone who can pay.

How good a friend? How trustworthy has she been in the past? Would she pay you back over time if she came on the holiday, and you agreed a payment plan? If you can’t trust that she will pay it after going, then she doesn’t go.

How much has she got? Enough for activities and food whilst there?

I'd tell her you need the money by X date, or you'll have to ask someone else to take her place.
Why should you pay for her?

I presume there is some additional information here. Do you know her well? Is this out of character? Has she previously taken the piss when it comes to money?

Ultimately, you need to make a choice if she refuses to pay…which would you rather?

She comes and you pay for her.
You cancel.
You go alone.