To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

As I keep saying - no. I don't agree.

So, anyway, what I said stands. You are free to disagree. And I would do precisely and exactly what I said.

Exactly, this makes no sense.

OP is kind of being blamed here for getting to this point, but at the same time if she goes on this holiday and her friend pleads poverty and makes her pay for more, I’m sure everyone will be quick to say “well she showed you her true colours and you let her take the piss further so it’s your fault”

OP the time to nip this in the bud now. Whatever you should or shouldn’t have done in the past with this woman , doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for yourself now.

Just a say a huge bill has occurred in order to soften your refusal a bit therefore you cannot afford to sub her. If she cannot afford it you will have to either get someone else or go alone and get a refund if you can. She is not a friend though

Then you would be a push over. As you say we all have our own opinions. I dont take responsibility for people's kids just because they are cfs

If she was really that skint, she'd also have looked into the price of bus fares. Coaches are often cheaper than trains for getting around the UK.

Will your teen be upset about your former friend's kids not coming? If they get particularly well with one of them, perhaps (depending on the size/layout of the accommodation) offer to take that one with you, for slightly less than the group of 4?

This isn't necessary. The 'friend' should not expect OP to pay for her in any circumstances.

Not sure why you are being so aggressive towards me, I can only say that I wasn't trying to insult you.
I was giving my opinion just like you and as you have repeatedly stated we can all have differing opinions. Just because I disagreed with your take from this does not mean I am insulting you.
Not invested or bathing but thank you for your illuminating assessment of my mental health 😉
We disagree but you dont need to devolve into insults.

Bathing love autocorrect 😆 should have said bat shit

You aren't op, she is.

She made a choice to agree to a monthly repayment plan and then didn't stick to it. Rather than discuss that with you she's just left you hanging. If she couldn't afford it or her circumstances changed she should have come to you immediately and explained and said she couldn't go.

As a lone parent I get it can be tight but your friends and support network are so important so it's silly for her to take advantage of you in this way.

You were already paying a significant part of her share by paying half when there's 4 of them and 2 of you. She is very, very lucky to have a friend that generous.

I'd text her and I'd say "hi x I'm just looking at my budget here and I really need you to pay off your half of the holiday asap. I'm already contributing towards your share since there's 4 of you and 2 of us and I'm paying half but I cannot afford to cover your costs completely. If things have changed and you can't afford it now then you need to let me know you won't be going so I can see if someone else can take the spaces. Please let me know by x date and if I don't hear from you by then I'll take it you aren't going and will find someone else to join. "

The next time you see her irregardless of how that goes I'd be telling her directly that you know things can be tight for her and you understand but you feel really disrespected in how she's handled this and its made you consider taking a step back from the friendship but you're telling her because you care about her and you're hoping being honest about it will mean it doesn't happen again and you can both move forward.

But tbh for me, I think the friendship would be kind of done.

Can you find someone else to come with? Very cheeky considering 4 of them. If you can find someone else I’d just tell her if she doesn’t give you the money this week you’ll find someone else. Her train tickets aren’t anything to do with you .

She is the reason, not you.

You won't enjoy the holiday with a freeloader, tell her she can't come unless she pays half. And stick to half, don't sub her.

I think you're reading a different post. Where did I insult you or be aggressive? I'm asking this in good faith not to good or anything as I truly can not see in this post that I insulted you or been aggressive.

Ewock is not being aggressive, or insulting, or acting unhinged.

Thank you I really did start wonder what I had actually written 😆

@Ohnoyoudont2 - you are the one who is responding to posters in an aggressive and insulting manner. I reported your post to @Ewock referring to her as 'batshit' as it was aggressive in it's tone - MNHQ agreed and deleted it.

No I won't leave the post. A couple of people have stated I was not aggressive or rude. However they reported your post and it was removed. So that says everything.
Life is full of differing opinions how we react to those tells people a lot about us.
I do hope you can have a nice day and get past whatever you are making this out to be.
I stand by the fact I have never been rude or aggressive or insulting to you.
We have differing opinions and can live and let live.
Have a good day in this lovely weather

So yep, this is what I would do, but of course you must make your own choice OP

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us
To see oorsels as others see us!
It wad fae monie a blunder free us
An’ foolish notion

Robert Burns