To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

Has she paid you back the previous times that you've paid her share? If not, then she's definitely taking you for a ride. You are not being unreasonable saying that she can't go if she doesn't pay.

However, you've said she paid the initial deposit - does that mean she has paid £100 towards this holiday? I don't know how much that is compared to the total cost for the accommodation but I think you should tell her that it will leave you short for your food and outings while you're on holiday if she doesn't give you the money that she owes you and that if she is unable to pay her share of the holiday, then you will have to find someone else who could take her place.

Also, a bit random, but have you looked at Advanced Fares for the trains? If you can commit to getting a train at a specific time, you can sometimes get a £5 fair if you book far enough in advance.

You are paying more than your share already. You’ve got 2 people & she’s got 4 ! If she doesn’t come up with money, she doesn’t go. She already agreed to pay in instalments & didn’t so don’t believe her when she says she’ll pay you back as she clearly won’t

Can't pay, can't come. Ask someone else!

I feel so bad for you :(

You wouldn’t be the reason her kids miss a holiday. She would. Give her a final chance to step up or say you can’t cover full cost, that’s not what was agreed so you’ll need to find someone to pay her share. It’s a total piss take TBH.

Can’t pay; can’t stay.

You're not the reason as she hasn't even paid for it.
She's the reason due to her circumstances.
Do it this time and it won't be the last.

Most fall outs are due to people not starting as they mean to go on.
It then means it becomes expected or there's resentment.

I'd cancel or say she cannot come. I suspect if she came on holiday you'd also end up paying for all the activities, food, ice creams etc.

What she should have said is that she can't afford the train fares and no longer go can't go and hopes you can find someone who can share her part of the costs.
I'd take my children's friends if you can't reduced the cost to you, and their parents can pay their fares and give them some spending money. They would need to be fed but oat children are often not bothered by food iif they are having fun with their friends, and would be happy with cheap supermarket food and breakfast cereal and beans on toast if you are self catering

Only thing is if she doesn't go i bet she won't pay you back what she owes you. But you cant keep paying and paying.
I see this friendship ending cos you won't get your cash back.
Say you cant afford to pay for her train tickets as you need your money for spending money. But can she ask a family member for a loan or a lift to the holiday location.
I feel youre in a lose lose situation unfortunately

You aren’t the reason her kids aren’t getting a holiday - she is because she hasn’t paid for one!

You are a pushover which is why she is taking advantage of you.
Go on holiday without her, enjoy it and don’t be a mug in future.

People are telling off the OP for pressing on with the holiday when her friend mentioned for the first time that she did not have the money, but I can see it clearly, that the OP has one DD and the other friend has at least one teenager who is 16, so she clearly wanted company for her only child, that is why. Still I think that I would not go even if this friend suddenly offered to pay - I would simply not enjoy the whole thing, knowing that originally this so-called 'friend' tried to take the piss. I would distance myself and ask for a re-fund and let this 'friendship' disappear, you never know what CF-ry this friend would spring on you in years to come.

By this logic, you're personally responsible for every child who doesn't go on holiday. It's not your responsibility to pay for them to go, it's entirely her. So you wouldn't be the reason, she would

Wrong!! SHE is the reason her children won't get a holiday!!

And she knows that, which is why she's pulling this one in the first place, most likely.

Her children are not your problem SHE is the reason they won't get a holiday not you . Tell her since she hasnt paid she can't go its a simple as that and id see if dd wants to bring some friends . I'm betting once you say this she will suddenly have the money she thinks your a mug and you're letting her .

You aren’t the reason. She is.

You aren’t the reason, she is

Yanbu.

However it would for me depend on how close a friend. If was someone who meant the world to me, had helped when I needed it but couldn't afford this time, I would cover the cost. Knowing she would do the same for me is pivotal.

Someone i hadn't known long, become apparent they are a taker and not reliable to pay back then no.

Only you know if they're worthwhile so go eith your gut and finances. Xx

It sounds like she has left it as long as possible before telling you in the likelihood that if you now cancel at shorter notice you will loose the money so she may aswell go! There is no way I would put up with this. She is very calculated and sly and using you! Real friends dont behave like this. You dont need someone like this in your life or around your daughter! I'd rather take the monetary loss then let a CF like her come on a free holiday! Some people really are truly awful!

@Glitterinthegreyany update from you OP?