To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

You're not the reason, their mum is the reason because she didnt save and planned to sponge off her food friend.

There's nothing for you to feel guilty about.

Well, I’ve never called you - or anyone - a shrew, neurotic or otherwise.

It’s sweet of you to express concern for my wellbeing, but I’m just fine. As you continue to respond to me, it seems you aren’t exactly practising what you preach about letting go 🤷‍♀️

What relevance does any of this have to OP's friend not paying for the holiday they are both due to go on? Do you shoe-horn your views on immigration into every thread, despite being totally irrelevant?

you are not the reason her kids wont get a holiday - she is

Yes. this.

Is it really her inability to pay or her refusal? You said its not the first time she's done something like this.

Whats the worst that could happen if you said If you pay, then you won't be coming.

Have you already paid for the accomodation , because she said she didn't have the money and now she wants you to buy train tickets for an adult and 3 kids too?

She is totally taking advantage of you. Tell her pay by x date or don't come.

I know its hard on her kids but they are her responsibility not your's.
What about your own child..
Its not fair to have one person footing the cost of a holiday for 2 adults and four kids. If she's not paying for either the accomodation or trains.. she will be sponging off you for food and activity costs too during the holiday. She's basically lied to you to get a free holiday. You have your own child to think of.

Op you won’t be the reason their mother is. If it was me I would text 1 more time say if you don’t pay me before 12 tomorrow I’m going to ask x to come I don’t want you or the kids to miss out but I’m in no position to pay for your family if I don’t hear back I will take it as your not coming thanks.

Not unreasonable at all. I'd say you would be a real mug if you did, she clearly cannot be trusted an inch.

She would then be wanting this and that whilst away too, you can bet on it.

Not sure how many of the 281 posts I managed to read but one of your replies said she had form for this. I would go on holiday with your own child. After that, I would not be booking any more holidays with her nor be doing anything that meant you laid out financially first. You are being taken for a mug. Your child may very well welcome some 121 time with her mother.

I had a cf friend and a similar experience.. 4 days away with £20 as she budgeted £5 a day for her.. Not so bad except she expected me to drive her around and it was not happening

YOU wouldn't be the reason her kids don't get a holiday....SHE would.
No lolly, no jolly.

Tell her no and then ask someone else if they wanna go with you in her place...

It’s not your responsibility to give her kids a holiday. That’s on her

You aren't. Their mother is, and you aren't responsible for the consequences her actions have on her kids.

I do think this is probably the end of the friendship. PLEASE don't allow her to come without paying what she agreed to, before the holiday starts.

You aren't the reason - she is the reason!

I would try to remove her and get some money back. If you can't and can't get the money back, maybe take her this time but tell her never again

‘Oh dear that’s such a shame we will miss you. I’ll see if any of my friends are able to take your place if you want so you won’t still owe me so much money’

Ask her when she does plan to pay you for the holiday ?

Tell her to stay at home if she cannot afford it. And if she did pay, she may well come without her purse and not be able to feed her children. No No No. Nobody has time for that behaviour.

I love No lolly, no jolly!

Sorry that’s not acceptable at all . Speke with her and tell her you cannot afford to bank her

Presumably she knew she'd struggle to afford this and maybe she was hoping you'd pay for her. The problem for you is you'll resent her if she goes with you footing the bill. Will you lose a lot of money if you cancel? I think it would be worth asking around to see if anyone else can come and then take a decision.

Do this. YANBU , you don’t need friends like this.

You absolutely aren’t the reason her kids won’t get a holiday, she is!

YANBU

You've been a good friend and helped her out by paying her share of the holiday on the understanding she pays you back. She hasn't paid you and now says she can't afford to. She should have been honest about the fact fact she can't afford to go on holiday.

I would tell her she can't go. She's not much of a friend.

She is no friend, tell her to sling her hook. If it costs you money this once, so be it, but at least you will be rid of this sponge.