AIBU to be angry my sister will not keep our niece?

[Sharktale2020]

I am so upset and angry with my sister but unsure if I have the right to be.
Our niece(a well behaved 14 year old) was removed by social services from her dads and is not able to return back.
She has been staying at my sisters(her aunties)but my sister is adamant that when the next review is up she can no longer keep her.
The truth is she doesn't want to in case it impacts on her many holidays and going out(she is in her 40s)
When I challenged her on why she just comes up with the most ridiculous excuses.
She has a spare bedroom and the means to give her a goodish life(considering what the poor girl has been through)
I have offered to do all I can -get bunk beds and have her every weekend but she still refuses.
I have volunteered to have her at mine despite having no room(she would have to share while we either put up a petition wall causing minimal space and we would be over crowded)
While this is being done she would have to go into care as my sister is counting down the days until our nieces time is up at hers and won't keep her a minute longer.
She has 4 people in her house who all drive and could help out-no young children.
My husband and I have our nieces sister living with us-a hyper active 6 year old who we have had since birth.
We love her dearly but life is hard and we get no help.
The irony is my sister considers herself to be a Christian woman!
Maybe it's me and people don't help each other any more but I can't think of any one who would see their niece go into care when they could prevent it without it dramatically affecting their life.
She knows how hard it is for us as a family and she really doesn't care.
How can someone have such a cold heart?
And to top it all she has told my niece she will like being in care as she will have her own bedroom and get taken out!!
No mention that it's likely she will be shipped around and gave to change schools.
The poor girl is going through enough.

And yes, of course she might have trauma such as attachment issues etc., but as long as she's not a danger to life, limb, or property, or acting out like bringing drug dealers home and such, then it's a crying shame that this aunt wants to put this well-behaved teenage girl in care, imo. Icy cold.

Nobody here would want their child put into care, and nobody would want to be put into care themselves as a teen, and yet some people have all the excuses in the world as to why this aunt is justified in turning her out of her home and into the care system.

If there is no big back-story that OP hasn't told us, I think it's despicable of her.

Having said that, since her witch of an aunt doesn't want her, she's probably better off out of there. She'll just have to take her chances in the care system. At least she only has four more years until adult life. If she wants to go to uni, and gets in, since she effectively has no parents she'll be able to apply as an independent student and get the max maintenance loan. And maybe financial aid.

I do so hope this young person is able to make the best of her life.

The post says that the niece is well-behaved.

Jesus, your obsessive repetition of this phrase is bordering on deranged. It is possible to be “well-behaved” AND traumatised. As others have said, she doesn’t have to be hitting people or smashing the place up to need a damn sight more support than being stuck in the back bedroom and getting three meals a day. Raising a teenager is hard enough at the best of times, without having to factor in existing trauma and what could still come out.

Of course no one would want it. Nobody wants to live in the breadline either, or have a life limiting condition or a terrible accident. But it happens.

Sometimes life is shit.

And I said: And yes, of course she might have trauma such as attachment issues etc., but as long as she's not a danger to life, limb, or property, or acting out like bringing drug dealers home and such, then it's a crying shame that this aunt wants to put this well-behaved teenage girl in care, imo.

Still, never let the facts get in the way of a good rant, eh!

You've called me vile, toxic, deranged, demented, the worst person you've ever seen on MN, an absolutely awful person and have said that I don't want to know what your fondest wish is for me, which is pretty sinister.

Seriously, are you OK?

More sinister than you offering to send your thoughts on this directly to the OP’s sister? Because that was plain old unhinged.

I’m perfectly okay, thanks. It’s you that needs help.

I said on this message board so she could read it. I didn't mean to contact her directly. As you know.

I saw you're harassing people on the parcels thread too, calling the OP a gobshite and shouting at her. You're a real peach.

You cannot presume to judge my behaviour when you’re calling people sick, wicked, despicable and dishing out various other hyperbolic insults. The wounded angel act won’t wash.

Ah, but I said that anyone who would turn out their niece into care for no good reason was these things. Anyone. I didn't target one poster and harass them and call them names relentlesly.

Do your blood pressure a big favour and have a cup of nice hot tea or something.

Som people choose not to be parents. So it’s understandable they may not want to take in a siblings child.

Im sorry but it’s not black and white. Having a niece or nephew stay for a few nights or weeks is one thing. Having someone else’s child is another - even a relative.

Maybe the sister wants the freedom to be able to live where she wants , so a jobs she wants. It’s not her fault her niece is in the situation is it ?!

You don't think that is a good reason for couldn't?

If you would like more information about my family circumstances here's a few:

• my SEN DSD would have been severely disrupted
• my husband said he had done his parenting and was not going to start again with a teenager
• He actually said he would have to reconsider our relationship.

Are these good enough reasons for you?

Or how about my nephew saying, in the most horrible and strenuous terms, that he didn't want to live with any of his aunts and uncles?

Will that do?

I don't actually owe you any explanation but there is more going on than you are aware and I will not be lectured to by a stranger on the internet about my motivation for not looking after my nephew.

I don’t see how me calling someone a gobshite (which is hardly calling for them to be burned at the stake) counts as “harassment” or “calling them names relentlessly”. Or are you trying to suggest I’m harassing you? If so, I really don’t think “That’s different - I’m saying EVERYONE is evil and disgusting” is really a defence.

And if we’re talking harassment, why are you following me around other threads?

For your own good, I'm not going to respond to you any more.

I wish you a nice day, a hot bath, and a satisfying cup of tea.

@ForCosyLion

While I don't think you should be insulted, you yourself have said some horrendous things yourself about the OP's sister, as well as general nasty statements about people who would choose not to take in a relative. So you don't really have the moral high-ground when it comes to name-calling.

For your own good, I'm not going to respond to you any more.

I think that’s best for everyone.

I doubt the sister will ever see it, and I did get very upset at the idea of someone being able to help a teen niece but choosing to put her into care. That is a very upsetting thought to me. The OP seemed to think that the niece was not disruptive and that the sister didn't have any good reason to put her into care, but since she hasn't come back to shed any further light on either, I can't think of much else to say.

@ForCosyLion

I understand that you find the thought of it very upsetting, and yes, it's very unlikely the lady in question will see it. But I think it still comes across as a bit hypocritical to condemn another's name-calling when you have engaged in name-calling which is arguably just as bad.

That is not to say that you deserve to be insulted, but you could have tried to moderate your own behaviour a bit more, I think.