Aghast at DP’s tightness at home

[Werusb]

I’ve moved in with my DP - had stayed plenty of times with no issue.

I am now seeing a different side of him, he is so so tight when it comes to energy usage, water etc.

He is constantly moaning about me using the oven, he has one bathroom and his latest thing is not flushing it too often regardless of use. So today for example, he used it at about 9.30. I freaked out when I went in and flushed then mentioned to him. He said that he read online about a new thing where it’s only flushed twice a day at 1pm and before bed. Just grim!

It is his flat but I can’t be expected to go along with this surely?!

I find that disgusting. I certainly don’t want to go to the loo ans see a bowl full of piss. It costs about 2 pence to flush a toilet.

🤯

Ewwwwwww. He wins the tightest tightly of tightwads.

Moving out would be an overreaction. Presumably you are together because you love each other and the relationship is going somewhere. So…..

1. have a proper conversation to resolve the issue
2. put your foot down if above does not work
3. only if neither work, move out.

Urgh I couldn’t stand that! I’d also worry it would extend to other things too over time - less clothes or plate washing, fewer showers etc. You need a conversation with him but I’d expect quick change on his part else I’d move out.

I honestly think tightness on that level is a mental illness. Certainly it's a huge personality flaw.

I admit to not flushing every time I have a pee, but I have an overactive bladder and live on my own. If I have friends staying, the loo gets flushed each time it's used. It would be gross to inflict that on someone else.

How utterly disgusting! @Werusb Can you be attracted to him after this? I would run for the hills !

Throw this one back immediately

Move back out, there's no law that says you have to live with a partner, you can have a relationship without ever living together.

Irrespective of the reason, I don’t think a relationship can work when one adult thinks they can decide freely how to organise their life and their partner cannot.
I’d ask him once, calmly, colllaboratively, if there is a way to reflect both your lifestyle wishes while living in the same house. But absolutely, don’t let him tell you when you are allowed to cook, shower or flush the toilet.

I appreciate the ecological aspect, but not flushing is disgusting, including after No. 1s. The best thing to do not to simp on flushing but to find other ways to save water. Get a rain butt and use it for watering the garden, take short showers, use the eco setting on the washing machine, or the 30 min setting, only boil the water you need to make tea/coffee, not the whole thing each time, let some clothes go longer between washes if you've stayed at home in them and not sweated. When I cook vegetables, I use the water to make the gravy, It's got veggie nutrients in it AND it saves water. About showering, you don't need to shower every day, unless you've exercised. Washing your pits and giving your undercarriage a quick wipe is fine. If you skipped just one shower a week, that accounts for the toilet flushes. Oh - and Navy showers are very useful for saving water. You turn the water off when you're lathering up and cleaning yourself, only having it on to get wet and then to rinse. It's called a Navy shower because they have to preserve the fresh water on ships.

SO many things you can do that mean you don't have to forgo flushing. 🤢

Give all these tips to your man!

He can carry on not flushing, if he wants to wave goodbye to his sex life.

I'd say this is just the tip of the iceberg. As the saying goes,“Come, live with me and you'll know me.”
Move back out, before he drives you crazy.

Or a flush?

I'll get me coat ...

It isn’t the cost. It’s the environment.

This is middle aged dad territory and deeply unattractive. I remember my dad being the same and my husband has now started turning into him. He has whole conversations with his friends about their various electric smart meter monitor things and started telling our teenage son off the other day for having two baths in one day and I couldn’t keep a straight face. We aren’t on the poverty line and I’d rather the boy be clean!

I think this takes ‘good saver’ to a whole new level!! I’d say talk to him to make sure it’s not that he’s insanely broke and so all has to be done. I’d agree this will only get worse

It's odd that you hadn't noticed these habits before, considering you'd stopped there frequently and over a long enough period to feel like you were ready to move in. His toilet must be in a right state!

Wasn’t it Prince Philip who said “if it’s yellow, let it mellow”?

If it’s good enough for Royalty…

But presumably him and Queen Liz didn’t share a bathroom!

Telling you when you can cook and how long you can shower and how often you can flush the toilet is abusive behaviour. Moaning about it is coercing you to do what he wants. He's controlling to an extreme.

Get out now.

There was some saying about if it's yellow, let it mellow, to do with flushing. Can't say I like the idea. I would have a clear talk with him, and either you both reach an agreement, or leave.

Move right back out.

Did you not notice this when you stayed? I don’t mean that in a mean way! Just genuinely wondering how he hid it

and I couldn’t live like that. He’d have to compromise or I’d be gone.

I do always remind kids to not leave taps running too long or flush after a quick nose blow. But definitely after a poo and mostly after a wee (deffo for adults but if a kid had left a wee it doesn’t bother me so much weirdly).

this will get worse. When you’re on maternity leave he will treat you like a sponger. I’d bin him off.

I was thinking this

how long have you been together. @Werusb

Guess what? Good it is only a partner and not a husband and that you could just moved in. So you won't face a divorce and can just move out but hopefully you have where to go