Aghast at DP’s tightness at home

[Werusb]

I’ve moved in with my DP - had stayed plenty of times with no issue.

I am now seeing a different side of him, he is so so tight when it comes to energy usage, water etc.

He is constantly moaning about me using the oven, he has one bathroom and his latest thing is not flushing it too often regardless of use. So today for example, he used it at about 9.30. I freaked out when I went in and flushed then mentioned to him. He said that he read online about a new thing where it’s only flushed twice a day at 1pm and before bed. Just grim!

It is his flat but I can’t be expected to go along with this surely?!

How many days does he wear clothes before he washes them?

How romantic

Depends what is motivated by.

If its environmental, its not unattractive per se just sounds like he is taking it to limits beyond what you agree with. Lots of people do "if its yellow let it mellow" when they don't have visitors around. Its a sensible way to reduce water waste.

We are careful about electricity usage but not to a point it ruins life. Can you suggest compromises? If you do a lot of cooking involving lengthy bakes/roasts can you use an airfryer or change up some recipes?

If he is absolutely dead set on being extreme about it it sounds like you aren't suited as a couple.

As the op hasn’t returned, I’m gonna guess that she doesn’t financially contribute at all, and that’s why she hasn’t returned. I may be wrong of course, but it’s weird to start a thread, then disappear.

in which case it’s possible there’s another side to this story.

I had a friend who asked if her and her partner could stay a month or so as they were in between travel. I said fine. I didn’t ask for any contribution, didn’t think anything of it, but then they absolutely took the piss. Ate my food, had half hour showers. And then I remember she text me once and said ‘we’re on the way home, can you put the oven on please to warm up for some salmon I’ve bought.’ So I did. 3 hours later she turned up, having changed their mind and gone out for dinner.

I wonder if there’s another side to this?

doesn’t sound like a compatible relationship either way!

I do contribute but it’s not quite 50/50 as he’s the highest earner. He didn’t act like this when I previously stayed, but told me that on days I wasn’t there then he did.

That's an urban legend. There is no such law. There are quiet hours but you can flush your toilet.

Tell him the flushing is a non negotiable for you and remind him that he has just saved himself nearly 50% of all household bills, so you can afford the 6 minute showers and occasional hot meal. Yes poo in the loo is gross, but there are always teething problems. Talk about it, don't run for the hills.

It's what he has been doing since she moved in!

In that case, he’s probably saving money having you there, so put your foot down.

That's disgusting flush the toilet your a grown adult ffs.

I live alone lone and I flush after every use.

Regarding flushing a wee, for me my mind was changed when I spent a while in Africa during drought. Water was very precious and there was no way anyone would waste chemically cleaned water to flush a loo. It was always ‘secondary’ water. So the water say you used when having a shower would be collected to be used for example. It just changed my mind set. It doesn’t bother me whatsoever to wee on a wee.

Agree @arethereanyleftatall it's similar to passing the critically low reservoirs last summer and then being squeamish about a bit of wee. It's not long since many of us were changing the kids nappies now we are being squeamish about weeing on the same kids wee it's not suddenly nuclear charged it's wee and very pale if they've been drinking plenty.

A friend of mine who is a plumber told me that in hard water areas there is a reaction with Urine that causes scale on toilets

Choices:
a) move out again
b) put up with it, get married, have children, live with an authoritarian tightwad.

OP is not in an area where water is restricted or scarce. Her partner is wanting to only flush the toilet twice a day because he's controlling and cheap. And he also doesn't want her turning on the oven to cook food. He moans at her constantly. He hid this behaviour from her when she previously stayed there because he knows she wouldn't have moved in. Now that she's moved in, he's revealed himself to be so cheap his behaviour is abnormal and controlling to the point of abuse. He's not going to get better. Can you imagine if she had a baby with this guy?

Run like the wind! What an absolute twat!

Move out.

Meanness is a disease.

You should be able to live in a comfortably clean environment, especially paying nearly 50% of the bills cost.

As pp have said, it seems he concealed a habit he expected you would find unpleasant, until you were moved in. That is as off putting as the not flushing.

If he will not change that (even if you flushing always was begrudgingly accepted), is that a place you would feel ok living in?

Did your current bf accept your point about the cleaning?

If I lived in Africa during a drought I probably wouldn’t flush wee either, but I don’t. I am generally not a wasteful person, but there are many ways to save water that don’t involve leaving stale wee in a toilet bowl for hours.

He accepts it but sometimes forgets. But I don't get very annoyed about 1 overnight pee a month versus most days

I expect this is the tip of the iceberg OP. You are in the “honeymoon period” of having just moved in.

I just could not get excited about getting into bed with a man who moaned when I put the oven on.

i don't read this as tightness, I read it as a control mechanism. So OP can only do what he wants her to, when he tells her. I know a few people like this - (actually, men) who time people in the shower etc. They have plenty of money and it's not through wanting to save money or the environment. It's wanting to have absolutely control over what goes on in their house.

Oh that's good. Forgetting occasionally sounds bearable compared to deliberately avoiding doing so.