AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

[Thewitchofwestminster]

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

'sounds actually as though she doesn't like you either OP but hasn't come out and openly said it because she DOES like your H and wants to continue to socialise with him so she is willing to put up with your presence on the social outings.'

To be honest this has been my thought too. Husband is a complete social butterfly and I am much quieter and more reserved. Clearly she prefers him.

I am as sure as I can be that there is nothing going on between them.

Because you all work together it is odd but I’m fine being invited without my spouse and have been to about 4 or 5 weddings where I was a solo invite whilst married.

That's quite a snub IMO. I would certainly pulling back on the socialising and would be polite but distant in the office mainly for your own dignity. "Jane" is not your friend.

Pretty much. She said it was for him only, no plus ones and he accepted it.
He is a people pleaser and sees the best in everyone so he wouldn't have questioned it.

Gosh how overly sensitive people are.

Yeah he's people pleasing the wrong person and I'd be seriously ticked off with the pair of them.

Are you sure she knows that you and he are married?! She might not realise!

I’m not a people pleaser, but I’d also not question it. As I am of the opinion I don’t need to be invited to my colleagues weddings or other special events, nor do I feel I need to go everywhere with my husband, or him me.

He sure as heck isn’t a people pleaser to his wife!!

It sounds like Jane is the third person in your marriage! Are you completely sure there is nothing going on between Jane and your husband.

This seems to be the most logical conclusion to draw.
It’s very odd though.
Do you still feel that you’re happy with DH going or would you rather he didn’t?
I guess if you don’t mind then just get on with it. If you secretly do mind then I’d have a bit of a chat with him before he firmally accepts and see if he really is that bothered about attending.
I understand if he’s a people pleaser he will end of pleasing all those around him rather than you as that’s what so may if these people pleasers do. They prioritise those on the edge of their social circle rather than those closest to them.

Not really. The OP was clearly under the impression that she and Jane were friends. Nothing in the OP suggests that her DH is the main friend and socialiser outside of work with Jane and she is just a tag a long. Nothing overly sensitive about reframing your mindset about this particular "friendship".

They never are. Take as old as time.

Very bizarre that you both work with Jane in the small team yet only dh has been invited.

also bizarre that your dh has accepted the invite, I know in the that situation neither dh or I would go.

I think it’s pretty rude of her to only invite him when you all socialise together.

I would quietly be annoyed. As I’m extremely petty I would make sure the card/gift is clearly signed from both of you. I would also make sure I was doing something much better that weekend eg a city break to DH’s dream destination or get tickets to a gig he’d love to attend. So that when he’s not actually having a good time at a wedding where he doesn’t know most of the guests, he’ll regret his decision to attend. Yes I am that childish 😁

I thought this too - on these threads the people-pleasing husbands are never worried about pleasing their wives!

Jane is horrible! YANBU, OP

This! OP’s DH shouldn’t accept.

That’s really out of order. Clearly she doesn’t consider you a friend so I would stop socialising with her if it was me. And I wouldn’t be too impressed if my DH accepted in this situation either (although I know my DH wouldn’t, and I’ve just checked and he confirms this!)

Not in this situation no. It’s a deliberate snub. Very unpleasant in this particular situation.

Dh and I go away separately, socialise separately quite happily.

But in a situation where we both socialise with someone on an equal basis and for only one of us to be invited, would be unbelievably rude. Dh wouldn’t go and nor would I in this particular circumstance.

Considering some posters are hurling abuse, wanting her to break the friendship, her husband decline etc, there are plenty way pettier than you. You actually come across as one of the more reasonable ones. 😂

Do they socialise alone?
Did he work there before you?

It sounds as though they’re friends whereas you are more colleagues.

There are people I do socialise with outside work but these aren’t my friends friends.
There are a couple who I call my actual friends where we text and socialise without the others.

If I was getting married and cost/space was an issue, I would invite the couple of actual friends but not the others - but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them.

'Do you still feel that you’re happy with DH going or would you rather he didn’t?'

I have mixed feelings to be honest.
I am genuinely not bothered about not attending the wedding but the circumstances make it awkward.
My husband and I do socialise separately and have our own friends so we do not have to go everywhere together and like others have said if this was a work colleague of only one of us it would not have even crossed my mind.

Personally if the situation was reversed I would not have accepted or I would have at least asked if there was a reason and probably offered to cover the extra cost for husband if that had been the issue although I know not one of my friends would have excluded him.
He has accepted and I have no intention of trying to stop him going.
I am a bit miffed though.

Me too, where is his loyalty to his wife?

You are very gracious OP.
I would certainly match her energy. She has shown you what she thinks of you so he can, in future, socialise with her without you. He can’t have it both ways.