AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

[Thewitchofwestminster]

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

Even more reason for husband not to attend! I don’t know anyone who would be happy with their husband attending in these circumstances.

Love to screen shot this thread and send it to her!

This is all very odd but while I'd have no issue no getting an invite to the wedding. I'd have a major issue that my husband didn't see the issue and was still going to go. It's extremely disloyal of him and frankly if my husband accepted this invite and saw no problem wed have a big issue. Fortunately I don't have the issue as my husband would be horrified as this prospect and would have questioned jane and told her immediately he wouldn't be attending. We'd also be pulling back on the friendship as well, as its clear she prefers your husband and isn't overly keen on you.

Jane is extremely rude but you've a husband issue here as well

I would only invite one spouse if I was on a budget and did not know the spouse. Inviting all plus ones basically doubles the invite list and if my finances / the venue did not permit that I would have no issue just inviting the person I knew.

I don’t think it’s weird to not have automatic plus ones for weddings. I had not realise that was a thing until I read MN threads on it.

DOH!

I reread it and saw you go out and socialise together. In that case yes, it’s odd.

@Thewitchofwestminster are you still going to socialise with her? I don't think I could as it's obvious she isn't keen on you.

So rude.

Sums it up for me. Weird and rude. Of both of them for different reasons! There’s no way my DH would go, he’d find it rude too. I doubt I’d speak to her again much after this. Not sure I’d speak to him much either, lol, if he actually goes.

This 💯

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It's definitely very odd & even stranger your husband is going & doesn't find that odd

That was definitely a rude assumption of the friend to make

It often seems that "people pleasers" care very, very little about pleasing the people closest to them. My mother is the same. Sweet as pie to everyone else. Hard to get her to consider our viewpoint ever.

Yeah this 💯% there’s definitely something going on between husband and the bride-to-be. There’s no way a bloke who works in a professional environment can be so dense about how his wife might feel about him going. He obviously doesn’t care about his wife at this point.

Has she actually told the husband not to go? The bloke should’ve been able to work that out for himself, but there’s not much point OP sitting around getting more and more annoyed.Hope she puts her foot down on this one.

I think saying OP has been shunned is a bit OTT.

DH is the only one who was invited.
It’s different if she invited the entire team but not OP.

Weird and rude that she hasn’t invited you. I would be really fed up about husband deciding to attend.

OP, if other guests (whether or not they know both of you or just your H) ask him why you aren't there, how does he feel about answering that question?

Something very similar happened to my DH a few years ago. It wasn't a wedding, it was a dinner dance - so very much a social occasion. His employer was having a table at the event, but saw it as a way of entertaining clients - and for some bizarre reason invited employees only, not their spouses or partners.

DH refused to go. He said to his employer, "If I go alone, lots of people will ask me why Parrot isn't with me. I'm not prepared to lie, and if I tell them the truth - that she wasn't invited - that will reflect very badly on the company."

Suffice it to say that the company never tried that ruse again.

This! 😁

How to dismiss someone's feelings.

I'm sure OP know what weddings are and also, how to entertain herself.

It doesn't negate the Jane's rudeness or how OP feels about it.

Jane is odd though for only inviting OP's DH. I agree she can invite whomever she choose because it's her wedding. It would be better if she didn't invite DH at all if she's going to be petty and not invite OP even though her and OP are friends. There's something off about this and I think OP is justified to feel miffed about it.

Especially as OP's DH is going to the wedding.

I would expect a husband to refuse on the grounds of a prior commitment (i.e. to his wife and her plans). He still can refuse having 'remembered' a longstanding prior commitment.

Jane is incredibly rude and stupid. I would make sure DH understands it's rude and inappropriate behaviour.

Obviously DH can go to the wedding if he must but he needs to understand that Jane has been very rude to his wife.

I would not socialize with Jane outside work anymore going forward and make sure DH understands why and fully supports this decision. Not gaslights you into thinking you're oversensitive or some bullishit like that.

But she is the only one of the work colleagues that also socialises with the bride that hasn't been invited, so I think it's fairly reasonable to say she has been shunned.

I’m just amazed. You’re both friends outside work with her and she’s effectively snubbed you. Totally in the wrong and your husband should have politely declined. She’s getting married and hitting on him. How odd of her!

Absolutely, some men are really thick about stuff like this, it needs spelling out. If Jane was a man inviting the wife and not him… how would that shoe fit on the other foot?

Imagine back to work on Monday after that in a small team. Toxic and so utterly weird!!

Eh? It was a work related event and no other employee had their spouse there, so why would anyone ask your husband where his wife was?