AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

[Thewitchofwestminster]

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

@Thewitchofwestminster

Blimey, so many questions. Is there any reason you can think of why only he has been invited? Have they worked extensively on a project together or has he helped her in some tangible way and this is a kind of "reward". Otherwise it's gob smackingly rude and weird. I would be extremely unhappy about my DH attending if none of the above applies (or even if it did to be honest). What's your DH saying about it?

I have been too many weddings without DH. They have all been work colleagues of mine. He wouldn't know anyone and it would have been awkward. He was more than happy not to be invited!

Likewise
But these all work together

It's really odd that your DH has decided to attend, to be honest. Why would he do that? Far easier, surely, to say 'Thanks very much Jane but I'm afraid Witch and I already have plans that day'

I can't think of a single reason for him to go alone. He should have politely declined. If you all work together she's rude and odd to invite only him, and he's rude and odd to decide to go. It's clearly going to make work difficult afterwards - far easier for him to be busy and neither of you attend.

Does the boss's wife work there too? Is she close to the bride-to-be?

If you didn't work for the same company or on the same team as your DH and Jane, you would be unreasonable to expect an invitation. However, you work on the same small team and you and your DH socialise equally with Jane outside work so you are definitely not being unreasonable to feel slighted and left out. Jane has very bad manners and your DH is being very disloyal to accept the invitation and go without you.

And socialise together!

But OP and her DH are both workplace colleagues of the bride and both of them socialise with her outside work so the comparison with your husband not being invited to your work colleagues' wedding isn't comparable.

Yanbu. That is awful. Your DH should give it a miss tbh, say he's got something else on.

You BOTH socialise with Jane outside of work?

Jane IBU for only inviting your DH, but your DH IB massively U for attending.

I think it's perfectly fine to invite one half of a couple to a wedding, if you only know one of them or are much closer to them. It sounds strange in your situation, unless there is a drip feed that the groom is your DH's cousin or the bride was his mixed doubles badminton partner long before you all worked together. If you're both equally close to the bride why is he going?

That is very odd. If I were DH I wouldn’t go

Answering questions.
Gina I cannot think of any reason at all outside of costs or inviting me meaning she would have to invite others. They have not worked specifically together more than others and I am not loud, obnoxious or anything at parties! If anything husband is the one more likely to be loud.

Husband just said he has been invited and thinks it will be a nice day and he wants to support his friend on her big day so he wants to go. He did not think it was weird at all until he was chatting to his Mum and mentioned it and she thinks it is rude. In fact he was rather put out that we both thought it was weird.

Bosses wife does not work there although we have met her on some occasions. I mentioned this to husband and he thinks Jane knows the boss would not come alone where as husband is ridiculously social and will chat to anyone so won't be the slightest bit bothered about not knowing people.
I did wonder if boss had just presumed he would have a plus one and presumed his wife was invited and has been talking about it and Jane has just gone with it and added her rather than look bad infront of boss.

No drip feed. Husband does not know anyone from the family at all apart from Jane, he has only met the groom briefly when we have gone out for dinner or drinks after work and he has picked Jane up or once when he attended too. (Groom works away often)

We are are a team of six (excluding the boss). Husband is the only one invited but Jane has openly said she does not particularly like other two members of the team. There is one other person who I was surprised was not invited as although they don't socialise outside of work they are very close within the workplace. I am the only one she does socialise with who is not invited.

I am not actually bothered at all about attending. I just thought it was weird and the thought of going back into work while Husband and her chat about the wedding made me feel a bit awkward.

Fine to invite one half of a couple if you’re doing that with all couples where you know one party far better than the other, and they’ll know other guests. So, a hobby group or workplace.

But that’s not the case here at all. It is completely different. And quite pointed, given the boss’s OH is going.

'Husband just said he has been invited and thinks it will be a nice day and he wants to support his friend on her big day so he wants to go. He did not think it was weird at all until he was chatting to his Mum and mentioned it and she thinks it is rude. In fact he was rather put out that we both thought it was weird'

Sorry your DH is being thoughtless, does he not care how you feel? Weird.

I think your husband is weird for not getting how strange this is. For you not to be invited puts you in the category of the other two workers who you have said that Jane doesn’t like.
the fact he’s not budging after his mother has agreed it’s weird is also strange. Surely he’d have a rethink at this point.

If she couldn’t afford the whole team she not invited workmates at all or just boss and wife.

I think if it’s work colleagues and you don’t know the spouse partner, fair enough to just invite the person you know.

Seems old-fashioned to me to think you have to invite spouses - from the days when wives didn’t work outside the home and tagged along with their husband’s work social life. Might be different if it’s evening only, perhaps more normal to invite partners too.

But odd as you do know and work with her

Is your husband going to go?

I would never invite someone and not their other half! We even gave my single friend a plus one in case she wanted to bring another friend or her daughter so she didn’t have to attend on her own!

I think she is very rude, I also think your husband is out I'd order if he goes without you as its condoning her rudeness

Agree. I wouldn’t be socialising with Jane after this. She clearly prefers your husband to you. I would cool right off.

Ask the bride for the reason. My husband would not go without me and vice versa.

My husband simply would not dream of going in this scenario. It’s incredibly weird that your husband thinks this is ok.

Sometimes I read on here about "no plus ones" and I'm a bit on the fence. I know weddings are expensive but they were never cheap. In this situation I think the bride is unbelievably rude and I know my DH would politely decline. I'm a bit surprised your husband isn't slightly offended on your behalf.

I may be childish (I don't care), but I'd leave him to buy a present, I wouldn't sign the card, and I certainly wouldn't drive him there and back so he can drink.

There's lots of threads like this and the answer is the same. It costs huge amounts not per person, it's not the same as the old days. For my wedding each guest was over £200 just for their food and drink (it wasn't a big bougie wedding or anything like that). Every 5 guests is a grand so you can't justify inviting partners you don't know for the sake of it. In this day and age as long as the person has other friends at the wedding they should be able to cope without their partner for one day.

BUT in your case it's very odd as you all work together. Unless it turns out you don't really know her then it feels quite harsh/rude.