To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

If only women could opt out of responsibilities like that

If I was his mother, I would be tearing him off a strip and tell him to grow up. Appalling behaviour. I’m so sorry OP.

I would be telling DS what I thought of him if he acted like this

Wtf. Are you for real?

I take it he has form for this kind of behaviour OP

His mates have told him it's the tradition for men to go out on the first night to 'wet the baby's head' (yes, it used to be a thing). And he's been too weak or too selfish to say no. You are going to have to have a major word with him when he does come in, and when he's sobered up he has a LOT of grovelling to do. If he doesn't, take note. He might not have been like this before but he might be now.

My first husband picked me up early from the hospital so he could go to football on the Sunday. He then went to his usual after match drink up until 2.30. I cooked an oven tray thing and sat looking at my first child in almost panic. I'd never even held a baby before. I never forgave him and neither should you. Selfish piece of crap.

Does his mum live nearby? If so, I'd be tempted to lock the door and leave a note for him to go and spend the night at hers and come back in the morning when he's in a fit state to be a father to his newborn child.

Do you really want him walking in pissed and trying to do a night time feed and change?

I'm so sorry @Coffeecherrymama. This isn't what a man celebrating the birth of his baby is meant to look like and his mother's attitude is disgraceful.

This- a day old baby and just leaving his wife to it!!

Oof. Just imagine you're talking to your children in 10 years or so... And when Baby1 was born Daddy was so excited, holding my hand so tight and wiping my forehead with a warm flannel. 'What about when I was born?' asks Baby2. Oh, erm. Well Daddy wanted to go to the pub with his mates that night...

He’s still not home. I don’t really want him in the house drunk when he gets home but I have no choice because he has his own key so he will just let himself in.

But I don’t really want him around the baby drunk

Double lock the front door, switch your phone off and get some sleep. If he wants to be an utter prick on his newborn baby's first night at home, he can do it while sleeping off his hangover in the garden.

Then tomorrow you need a serious think about whether you want to stay married to such a selfish git.

What are you on about? She’s just home with a new baby and he’s gone AWOL. Your post is disgraceful.

Leave the key in the lock your side. All doors.

He is a selfish prick and his mother is a grade A twit and enabler.

I am sorry, OP. Stuff like this you can never forget.

Oh have a night off ffs.

Attitudes like asking a simple question?? 🤦‍♀️

Of course he shouldn’t have gone out - do keep up.

do you have one of those locks where if you put your key in from the inside then it can’t be opened from the outside

I would be telling him not to come back and to stay at his mum's house if he's not interested in being a dad to your new born.

Like mother like son I would say.

What an absolutely shitty thing to do, I would be so upset.

Send him a message. 'Go to your mothers, or anywhere else. Do not come here or I will call the police' & if he does, then do it, tell them he's drunk & it's your first night home with a newborn & you're scared he'll hurt the baby.

But OP isn’t glad she’s home alone.

Well you can see why he’s the way he is having been enabled all his life . She thinks he’s ‘entitled’
says it all!

This is so unacceptable, I’m raging for the op that women come on here and be absolute assholes to a woman who’s literally just had a baby, has a younger child, and her dh has fucked off. Good for you that you were happy BUT THE OP OBVIOUSLY ISN’T. Thats the whole point of the post. I couldn’t sit up without throwing up from a spinal headache that I needed to be readmitted for at this stage with my second- would you have told me that despite being completely unable to care for either a baby or a toddler I should just enjoy solo parenting them if dh had fucked off to get pissed?? For gods sake can we just let women who gave birth 24 hours ago need help without telling them they’re pathetic???

This is unforgivable. It would be a divorce level event if my husband did this. What he's saying to you here is that you aren't his priority and that you cannot rely on him to care for you in times of need. He's a man child whose priority is his mates. His mum is shocking as well - she won't advocate for you so don't involve her again.
If this was my h he'd be permanently at his mums from now on.